Author: Warm-blooded animal (ID: staywarmblood)
Recently, I brushed a video from the perspective of a girl, and the boy across the table was burying his head in brushing his mobile phone.
The hot pot in the middle was steaming hot, and the boys didn't look up the whole time, and they didn't say a word to each other.
The video happens to capture another couple sitting at a table in front of them.
From that perspective, it can be clearly seen that the boys are enthusiastically putting the hot fat beef rolls into the girls' plates, and they are talking and laughing.
What stuck to me was the copywriting that accompanied the video: Once we were just like them.
This sentence reminds me that I have also seen familiar shadows in other couples and compared the current relationship with that "shadow".
Once, when we came out of the movie theater, there was a couple in the elevator whispering a funny plot and couldn't help but laugh.
Out of the elevator, I also leaned over and asked him if the plot was funny, and he was replying to the message and muttered casually.
I was expecting him to reply to the message and add something, but until the taxi arrived and we got in the car, he didn't mean to take the initiative to pick up the topic.
As I sat in the car, my mind flashed through images of the long-standing episodes we would have seriously discussed for a long time.
And now, I'm starting to feel that a passion for serious communication is thrown away, and to the other person, it seems that it is not so important.
Maybe at that moment he was really concentrating on replying to the message and not listening to what I said.
But that contrast, taken together, is somewhat frustrating.
Thinking about it, I suddenly understood a comment below the video at the beginning:
"I've seen you give 100% love, so I can see at a glance that you're a bit perfunctory."
This quote makes me think, in a way, that people who keep their distance from intimacy,
It's not so much that they're afraid of going further as they are afraid of feelings like this.
Their hearts are like a marked container, and every love they feel has a corresponding scale.
Corresponding to the scale table, love drops a few degrees, which is very clear.
I think I'm probably that kind of person.
It is always difficult to make up your mind about whether the relationship of more than six years is going to the next stage.
If you think about it, you may be worried that once the relationship enters a new stage, someone will slowly retract the hand that is trying to hold the relationship because of this formal stability.
So sometimes when I hear people use "old husbands and wives" as an excuse to slack off in intimate relationships, I am disgusted.
Until I recently saw a particularly warm sharing on Douban, I began to have some new thinking about the love that became affectionate.
The protagonist of the story is a girl who has been married for 8 years, and her daughter's classmates gave her daughter a chicken, which she took good care of.
One day, she suddenly found that this little chicken was dirty, so she called her husband while crying.
The old people in the family did not understand why she was such a big person and still cried for a chicken.
But her husband, who was working on the other end of the phone, would patiently comfort her and tell her that she had taken good care of her chicks.
Later, the chicken still did not survive, and after they dealt with the chicken's affairs, the life continued as usual.
Once, when the family went to the mall, the husband took his daughter to buy toys and let her go to the restaurant to take a seat.
During the meal, the husband suddenly handed over a toy chicken, saying that he saw it when he bought a toy for his daughter, to make up for her regret of losing the chicken.
She said at that moment, "The small toy of the 9.9 yuan boutique is worth ten million love words." ”
It was one little thing after another that made her fall in love with this person again and again.
She firmly said that this feeling is not affection, but real love.
What struck me about this story is that whether it's in love or marriage, whether it's a year of marriage or eight years of marriage,
This girl can always feel again and again that every bit of her emotion is being taken seriously.
If it had happened elsewhere, there might have been many less warm versions.
When I received a phone call from my wife during work because of the sadness of her sick chicks, I may put aside the excuse that "work is too busy and late to talk about it".
Seeing the same chicken that my wife likes in the toy store, I think that "the old husband and wife send toys are so childish" may turn around and leave.
Even if the true story is like this, some people will explain that "most ordinary feelings are like this", and no one will be harsh on anything.
But the husband in the story just played the version that moved me the most.
In my ideal, the love that becomes affectionate is probably like this.
In the past, I always felt that love evolved into family affection in the chai rice oil and salt of life, which meant a more intimate connection.
But now I feel that being affectionate love does not mean directly equating it with affection, and that there may be a certain boundary between the two.
This boundary means that we have a more intimate identity, but still retain the habits of being in a passionate love.
Every little bit of our emotion is still worthy of attention, and we still give all our love unreservedly.
Instead of using a one-size-fits-all sentence — "We've all been together for so long" and "we've all been old and old wives" as an excuse to slack off in intimate relationships.
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*Article Source: Warm-Blooded Animal (ID: staywarmblood).
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