What should a 14-year-old boy do when he is becoming more and more bored with school during his rebellious period?

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This is the last dad's plea for help.

The gist is that his 14-year-old son's temperament changed greatly in the first semester of the first semester, he was irritable and irritable, often quarreled with his parents, and did not see well in the second year of junior high school, so his parents took their children to do psychological counseling together.

Through psychological counseling, parents realized that there was a big problem with the previous educational philosophy and education methods, so they decided to change, and the biggest performance was to start accepting and letting go.

To the surprise of parents, the situation became more and more serious after the original grumpy child, after psychological counseling and full acceptance by his parents.

Tired of school, starting with three days of leave at both ends, and then not going to school for a month or two;

The schedule is chaotic, even completely black and white;

Addicted to computers, especially B station and "Minecraft" game;

Basically do not go out, do not exercise, often do not go out of the house for a week;

No hygiene, no brushing, no bathing, not even braces for straightening teeth.

When I saw the answers below, most of them made me feel very sad.

Some say that psychological counseling fails, some say that the parents' problems are too big, so they start to "count" the parents from the beginning, such as parents are not really accepting the child, just feel that they accept, such as the family to do the real empathy of the child, did not give the child full guidance and help, and finally a sentence "I did a lot of juvenile cases, did not find a parent without problems."

I say that this is what people without children say, but all parents with children will certainly be aware of the problem that there are no perfect parents in this world. Or take ten thousand steps back, which person is no problem you tell me?

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The previous argument was "the parents of all the world", but now it has completely become "the child of the world".

I am annoyed by this view that no matter what problems the child has, it must be that the parents are not doing well enough, of course, I also admit that many parents do have a big problem.

But you have to know that the father who asked for help actually had an awakened consciousness, he could do psychological counseling with the whole family, and to accept the child and let go of the child, which was very, very difficult, really very difficult.

I told him in the message, I said don't listen to the guidance of those childless people there, you parents have tried your best, and now all you need is time.

Judging from the child's symptoms, it is already very similar to depression: grumpy, not loving to go out, lazy, not paying attention to personal hygiene, these are all manifestations of depression. Therefore, if necessary, the child should also be taken to the psychiatric department or the psychosomatic examination.

In addition, his performance is actually very much like a very hard person finally got the opportunity to rest, if you want to rest well, it is not a day, two days or even three or five months.

Let's just say that if you let you move sandbags for eight hours today, tomorrow you will be in pain, won't you? What about the day after tomorrow? What about the day after tomorrow? When we were young, our legs hurt for a week when we ran eight hundred meters downstairs, not to mention the children who had been struggling to support them under the pressure of heavy learning for a long time.

The child is completely relaxed, obeys the "command" of the heart and body, and is completely piled up. This is the process of "collapse" that a child must go through in the process of going from tight to loose, from being controlled to being accepted. Of course, I can't say that 100% of children will be like this, because people are too different, and some children, "beat up", is a certainty.

If parents can take their children to psychiatry and psychosomatic examinations, and can always insist on psychological counseling, then as long as this stage has passed, the child will slowly improve.

This is the same as the fact that there must be a trough where there are peaks, no one will always stand on the crests, and no one will always stay in the troughs.

When we are in the trough, all we need is time, time to gather strength and start over.

Then as parents, at this stage, what we should do most is to let go of their anxiety, parents are anxious, children will inevitably be anxious, this is absolutely non-negotiable, even if you do not say, children will know that you are very anxious, for emotions and atmosphere, children are particularly sensitive.

Let go of your anxieties, accept the status quo, take care of your children's lives, care without paying too much attention, and then focus on doing your own thing, work well, and make good money.

Even go shopping well, get together with friends, that is, parents must also have their own lives, rather than a pair of eyes and a heart all day long on the child, this is anxiety, parents are anxious, the child is finished.

In addition, to say that psychological counseling is useless, I think it is not excluded that the team of psychological counselors is mixed, but even if you meet a good psychological counselor, if you think that counseling can make you better a few times, and even change your life, then all psychological counselors are definitely unqualified in your eyes.

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I've said countless times that a counselor won't solve any problem for you, but will make you aware of the problem through counseling, and then generate energy and motivation for change from the inside out.

We all know that an egg is broken from the outside, it is destruction, and breaking from the inside out is life.

The role of the counselor is obviously the latter.

Psychological counselors are not selling seven-colored flowers, you spend money to buy a flower can immediately meet your wishes, how can it be, if so, who will buy seven-colored flowers, ah, has long been used to meet their own wishes, with a flower to one hundred million, seven flowers on seven hundred million, who still goes to be a psychological counselor ah.

Maybe you think I'm talking about overconfidence, or even too absolute.

Maybe I feel like I have this capital, after all, what I said above is what I have personally experienced.

I have personally experienced the whole process of my daughter's "collapse", such as black and white upside down, such as brushing mobile phones every day, such as the room is chaotic like a garbage dump, I have experienced it.

Except for taking care of her life, except to remain concerned as always, I never pay too much attention to her, because I have my own things to do.

At this stage, she is addicted to her own reconstructed world, I also have to have my own life and even the world, such as writing articles every day, doing handicrafts, taking care of cats and dogs, taking care of flowers and plants, when we pay more attention and energy to ourselves, we will not be anxious because of the child, your slack child will be aware, so they can really "collapse".

Yes, for many children, this "collapse" is a necessary process.

But we have to say with a conscience that this process is very torturous, and it is very, very difficult for anyone who can really accept the child and stick to it.

What if it's not easy? Yeah, you can't complain, complain about how you gave birth to such a child, remember, children are all fate, running you to and from others, that is a deep reason, although at the moment we do not know what this deep cause is.

Envying other people's children and complaining about their own children are useless, adding to the loss and sadness.

When I think it's hard, either cry myself or call my mom.

At this time, my mother's embrace is our biggest energy supply station.

And as I said above, everything we do with our children now is to provide the same energy supply station for children.