Not long ago, a video was brushed on the hot search, making people cry and laugh.
A man in Henan, in order to save the marriage, found an emotional recovery agency, wrote 80 pages of PPT, paid 5800 tuition fees, and had a "teacher" to chat for an hour every day, learning various chat, hook-up, praise skills.
As for the result, the man in the video helplessly said: "The key is that it has not been saved, and it is still divorced." ”
Not surprisingly, the comments section was one-sided, and everyone was very sympathetic to the man's wife: "Suddenly I understood why his daughter-in-law was divorced, sympathetic to this lady." ”
One of the comments poked at the point: "If you give this money and time to his daughter-in-law, this marriage may still be saved, at least you can understand why you were divorced." 」 ”
After the age of hearing love, adult marriages are relatively pragmatic. If it is not a matter of principle, in the face of a marital crisis, it is necessary for the person who does not want to divorce to find a reason from himself.
1. Healthy marriage, dare to say goodbye
Someone said, "Heaven has designed a parting in order to teach people to cherish." "Marriage is no exception.
Some marriages begin with impulsiveness and are finally sober; some marriages begin with expectation and finally disappointment; and some marriages, after the tempering of sorrow and joy, finally get a white head.
Chen Yu and Zhong Xiaoqin in "Thirty Only", married for 3 years, in addition to the work of nine to six in the morning, one likes to enjoy fish, and the other likes to chase dramas.
"We're both very energetic when we play each other, how can we get together and spend even an hour?"
This picture is not very much like us in reality. Two people who are accustomed to and like to not intersect can enter the marriage alone and courageously, but they are not willing to have more patience and enter each other's lives.
Fortunately, they each have a stable income, making the marriage relatively stable. Until the arrival of the child, break this calm.
Zhong Xiaoqin wants to keep the child, and Chen Yu believes that with the ability of two people, the time is not yet ripe.
Zhong Xiaoqin refused the promotion and transfer of the leader because she wanted to have a child, which made Chen Yu, who was not going well at work, complain.
As a result, during the physical examination, it was found that the child had a development problem, and Zhong Xiaoqin blamed this on her husband.
Chen Yu's workplace frustration and encountered the pain of Zhong Xiaoqin's loss of a son, and the contradictions between the two people completely broke out, and finally divorced.
It is said that breaking up is the most test of human nature.
Zhong Xiaoqin, who gave up the house, said: "The house was bought by you before marriage, and there was no name on the house book." ”
Chen Yu said: "The loan we repay together, the house should have half of you." ”
Zhong Xiaoqin moved away, and the family was completely lifeless. He has always been troublesome, and he began to pick up his mobile phone from time to time to look at it twice.
Zhong Xiaoqin's work encountered trouble, and Chen Yu no longer struck at every turn, but seriously helped analyze it. He sometimes talks about his work experience, and never says things like," "You don't understand what I say."
Finally, the prophecy of the barrage area came true: "Watching them get along, you know that they will remarry." ”
Some people look at divorce as ugly, and some people take divorce as a trick. When separated, they hurt each other as much as they can, and after leaving, they still hold on to each other's faults and play the role of bitter lovers to shirk the responsibility of divorce.
But many times, divorce is just a process, an opportunity to re-examine the marriage and examine yourself.
In today's fast-paced life, it is difficult for two people to start from meeting and go all the way to the whitehead. I have the privilege of holding hands and walking for a while, and I have to say goodbye to let go with dignity, so that there will be a period later.
May we all cherish each other when we are together, be free when we are separated, and give marriage a healthy original appearance.
Image source: Panorama Vision
2. The marriage you do not want to divorce is the most prone to problems
When divorced, it is rare for two people to hit it off and say that they are separated. There is always one who wants to break free, one who wants to keep.
In "Goodbye Lover", Zhu Yaqiong and Wang Qiuyu, a couple, are in a cooling off period of divorce.
Zhu Yaqiong said: "I hope that my relationship with him will be said goodbye with a ceremony." ”
Wang Qiuyu said: "I hope to have a chance to communicate and see if this decision (divorce) will be questioned or overturned." ”
When the three pairs of guests met for the first time, Wang Qiuyu broke down and cried when he mentioned the child. Everyone could see that he didn't really want a divorce, but what did he do.
Goodbye in Xinjiang, Zhu Yaqiong carried a large box, carrying a musical instrument while walking and shouting: "Come and help!" ”
Wang Qiuyu smiled and said to the people around her, "She can't control that box." "And then indifference.
He told the photographer that the rituals and expressions that Zhu Yaqiong wanted were all children's things.
The photographer played a video taken by Zhu Yaqiong, recording the happy memories of the two people, but Wang Qiuyu said that he did not remember all of them.
Zhu Yaqiong cared, and he completely denied it.
Someone said, "He doesn't want a divorce, not because of love, but because he can rely on and take." ”
Some people also said: "He is the most worry-free because he does not divorce." ”
Deeply.
Although, Wang Qiuyu brought people the feeling that Zhu Yaqiong was not so important. But he depends on Zhu Yaqiong because she can bring him a sense of stability in his marriage.
Obviously, he came to save the marriage, he did not want to divorce, but hoped to maintain the marriage through the change of the other party, and did not forget to accuse and preach throughout the process.
Someone on the Internet said: "Many times, men will be more afraid of divorce than women, they will weigh their own interests and losses, and they are not willing to take any risks." ”
The truth is that the more you weigh, the more hurtful the other person is, and the easier it is to push the marriage into a desperate situation.
At the crossroads of marriage, everyone needs to think calmly about whether they are really willing to shoot and break up with the people they once loved.
If we don't want to, then maybe the reason we don't want to divorce is the reason for the breakdown of the marriage.
Image source: Panorama Vision
3. The essence of marriage is a balance between supply and demand
Earlier, the 56-year-old aunt Su Min ran away from home and became popular all over the Internet.
She tormented her life in a marriage with an imbalance between supply and demand, and this "planned" departure tore open the common trauma of Chinese women in the 60s and 70s.
30 years of married life, she was domestic violence, cold violence by her husband. In her life with her husband, AA, Su Min has to take care of the housework and take care of the children. She even went so far as to be depressed and turned her knife at herself.
"I have done all my duty as a wife and mother, but unfortunately I have never been myself."
The American humanistic psychologist Maslow famously has the "hierarchy of needs theory."
He divided human needs from low to high into physical needs, security needs, belonging and love needs, self-esteem needs, and self-actualization needs.
At the moment of material abundance, people no longer depend on anyone for the sake of physiological needs such as diet, and begin to expand to a higher level of demand.
Today, people have different attitudes towards marriage.
Some people think of marriage as an ivory tower to escape the distractions of life, and some people use marriage as an opportunity to change their destiny.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Two days ago, a video of a "strange woman" blind date went viral.
"If I don't marry the second generation of the rich, my appearance, my figure, my beautiful character, and even my soul will be ruined."
In the video, it is a sophomore girl whose father is a state-owned enterprise employee and whose mother is a dormitory aunt, and the goal of mate selection is to find a rich second generation worth 50 million yuan, and the urban-rural interface department and rural people do not consider it. And the in-laws must distinguish between right and wrong, can not be poor and love the rich, otherwise they are not worthy of her calling "parents".
Someone commented: "This is not a dream, it is wishful thinking." ”
Behind the seeming absurdity, how many people's true attitude towards marriage is reflected, and the person with five points thinks that he has eight points, but requires the other party to be a very loving person.
The reality is that whatever we want from marriage, we have to be worthy. Because the essence of marriage is a balance between supply and demand.
Of course, we can eat the most expensive seafood in high-end restaurants, or we can buy the most expensive shirts in luxury stores.
There is only one thing, we must have the ability to pay with it. Otherwise, stopping in time is the soberness of the world.
Marriage is the same, may we all have the privilege of meeting the person who matches each other, in the joy and sorrow, to understand the true meaning of happiness.
Text / long time