He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
The benign development of all relations is based on "parity".
These include properties such as emotional value, material value, etc.
Once there is an imbalance in value between two people, or the supply and demand relationship is out of balance, then the next thing is a little bit of a breakdown of the relationship, until it finally parted ways.
There are two little stories, different choices, and different results.
Boys and girls fall in love.
From love to love, boys take care of girls; washing clothes, cooking, cutting fruits, and even washing feet are not willing to let girls do it.
The girl asked him, "Why are you so good to me?" ”
The boy replied, "Because I love you, I am willing to be nice to you; so that if you leave me in the future, others will not be able to stand your bad temper." ”
The feelings of the two people seem to be developing in a better direction.
But as time went on, the boy's heart became more and more unbalanced.
Work pressure, life pressure, he had to reduce his investment in the relationship.
One day, the girl asked him: "You have changed, you are not as good to me as before, do you not love me anymore?" ”
The boy was angry and helpless, but more than that, he was sad.
It turns out that the person who has been paying in the relationship may not get the corresponding return; in the end, it will cause the dissatisfaction of the other party.
There is another version of this story.
The boy is as good as ever to the girl, loves her, and spoils her.
But one day, the boy met a girl who paid for him.
Everything he gave to his girlfriend was doubled on him by another girl.
It didn't take long for the boy's mind to fall.
He betrayed his feelings and came together with another girl.
The girlfriend was very sad and asked the boy: "Why did you betray me, why did you leave me?" ”
The boy replied to her, "Because I also want to be loved by others." ”
You see, feelings are about "you come and go", and you need to balance supply and demand.
When the other person continues to provide you with value and meet your needs, you should give him back accordingly.
When the relationship is out of balance, your feelings are bound to crack.
-01
The higher the value of the person, the higher the initiative in the relationship
This reminds me of the dialogue between Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu in "Thirty Only".
Zhong Xiaoqin asked Chen Yu, "Why do you want to get married as a person like you?" ”
Chen Yu replied to her: "I married to ease and worry. ”
Zhong Xiaoqin said very angrily: "They all want to avoid the wind, who is in charge of the port!" ”
What does this mean?
In people's subconscious, they all hope to get the maximum benefit in their feelings, and hope to find a safe haven and shelter themselves from the wind and rain.
When they are hungry, someone prepares a meal; when they are thirsty, someone pours tea and water; when they are tired, someone gives themselves a relaxing massage.
Seeing the mess at home, it only takes a word, and the other party cleans up the hygiene.
Everyone longs for such a life, wants such feelings.
But is love like this?
Such feelings are not in love with each other, but to find a nanny who does not need to spend money.
When you become a "giant baby" in your relationship, you can't do anything independently, you can only rely on each other.
This means that you have lost the corresponding value and lost the initiative.
People's patience, energy, love and dedication are limited.
Even if you love someone again, if the process of giving for the other party makes you feel tired and tired, you will choose to give up.
For example:
After men and women fell in love, girls gave up their jobs, gave up their circle of friends, and stuck to boys every day.
Don't make money, rely on boys to support; don't do housework, rely on boys to do; what you want, just tell the boys.
Over time, girls become "love brains".
Once the boy got tired of her and pulled away, the girl was ruined.
Losing one's spiritual independence and personality independence is an irresponsible act for oneself.
On the other hand, people with high value can live well even if they leave you.
But what about people with low value? Leaving the other person, nothing.
-02
The maintenance of any relationship requires a "balance between supply and demand"
In socializing, you want to maintain a relationship, what do you need?
It's not that you're looking at each other, it's not about showing loyalty, it's about needing you to provide your own value.
You have no value, nothing, why should the other party waste time, money and energy on you?
The connections in your eyes are based on your value.
The higher the value, the stronger the ability, the wider the network; conversely, the network is illusory.
And in love, the same is true.
They all want to be spoiled, to be distressed, to be taken care of meticulously, so who is going to be the one who pays?
Therefore, if you want to maintain love, you must balance the supply and demand relationship in your relationship.
What can be done to maintain a balance of feelings?
While the other party pays for you, you should not skimp on your own efforts and respond in time.
Whether it is emotional value, material satisfaction, it is very important.
He has done a lot for you, and you have to praise him, thank him, and be grateful from the bottom of your heart.
He pays for you and you shouldn't keep it either.
Even if you can't give the other person the same amount of material satisfaction, then you have to provide the other person with the corresponding emotional value.
Only when the supply and demand relationship is balanced can the feelings of two people remain stable.
A person who loves you will subconsciously pay for you; but when love enters a period of flatness, what maintenance is needed?
It's nothing more than giving and giving back.
Today's Topic:
How do you manage relationships?
(Article with picture source network)