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Many women will choose extramarital affairs because of their desire for love when the marriage is not going well. At a time when a woman has almost lost faith in love and marriage, if someone gives her the love and warmth she craves, the woman will easily fall into the relationship. Women will mistakenly think that this is true love, so women will do whatever it takes to stay with this true love. She will try her best to divorce and be with this "true love" that she thinks she is.
Women think that if they cultivate the "true love" outside of marriage, they will usher in a happy life, but they will find that the reality is not as beautiful as she imagined.
Jin Xiaoli (pseudonym) and Pei Junyu (pseudonym) have gone through five years of extramarital affairs and overcome various obstacles before they finally come together. She thought that Pei Junyu was her true love, she thought that as long as she cultivated with Pei Junyu, then her life would usher in the happiest time, she thought that Pei Junyu would love her as before, and their marriage would not be as waveless and lifeless as her previous marriage.
But when they overcame all kinds of obstacles and finally came together, Jin Xiaoli found that her life after marriage was not as happy as she had thought. After marriage, there is no "blessing" of those obstacles between them, and their feelings are just like this, but they have changed people to live a similar life as before.
After marriage, the original passion faded, the original unimpeded communication became difficult, and even the number of intimate contacts gradually decreased, leaving only chai rice oil and salt between the two people. Jin Xiaoli realized that her married life had once again become a backwater.
So what exactly is causing all this? For the following three reasons, after cultivating positive results with "true love" outside of marriage, happiness may not be obtained.
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First: The guilt of the ex affects the feelings of the present.
When a woman chooses to abandon her husband because of her extramarital affair, she will have a great sense of guilt for her husband, especially if the husband is still good to herself.
This feeling of guilt is exacerbated when a woman ends her previous marriage at her own insistence and marries a man outside of marriage. If the current is not doing as well as the ex, then this guilt will completely drown the woman.
And women will always consciously or unconsciously pay attention to and care for their exs because of their sense of guilt, especially if they have children, and the opportunities for contact are more. Because of the divorce, there is no more expectation for convenience, so women can communicate calmly with their predecessors, and occasionally talk about the place where the current is inferior to the ex.
In this way, it will definitely hurt the current feelings. The stingy man will even have a yin and yang strange meal at the woman, so that the two people will quarrel frequently. As long as the floodgates are opened, quarrels will be out of control, and in the end, it will definitely cause discord between two people.
Women will pay attention to and care for the ex because of guilt, which will cause the dissatisfaction of the incumbent, and the current dissatisfaction will anger the woman, and the woman's reaction will cause a quarrel between the two sides, and this quarrel will affect the feelings between the two people, so that the woman is likely to regret her betrayal of the ex. It's an endless cycle.
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Second: In extramarital relationships, the feelings between two people are often overestimated.
Most of the reasons why women choose extramarital affairs are because they are dissatisfied with the existing marriage, the husband's inaction, or the lack of passion in a dull life, which makes her long for a vigorous love. And the nature of extramarital relationships fits this.
Because it is secretly talking about love, so every time we meet, it will be particularly difficult, and people will always be more concerned about what they can't get, or things that are difficult to get, and they want to get more, and they will feel that what they can't get is more precious. As a result, women tend to overestimate the affection.
Because there is no trivial nuisance, and because there is no need to share the responsibilities of the family, so there is no chai rice oil and salt, just need to talk about love extramarital love is particularly romantic and sincere, and women will think that this is true love, women think that the feelings between them are unswerving, and no feeling can be surpassed.
But when this feeling enters the marriage, from the original extramarital feelings to the love of husband and wife, women will find that they overestimate this feeling. When a feeling that hangs in the air looms and makes people want to grasp but can't grasp suddenly falls into the dust, every day as long as they reach out, even the other party's unbearable side has been seen thoroughly, the woman will soberly realize that she does not love each other as much as she imagined, and she loves more people she fantasizes about.
Moreover, originally only need to meet occasionally, talk to each other, do not have to be responsible for each other, do not have to share what the two people, when they enter marriage, there are a lot of responsibilities and obligations, many times, two people need to work together to solve those messy, irritable things, so that the feelings are not so beautiful and pure. In this way, it is difficult for women to feel happy.
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Third: The tremendous pressure faced by relatives and friends because of the opposition.
The biggest obstacle to extramarital feelings coming together is the opposition of relatives and friends, and many extramarital feelings have not come together because of the opposition of relatives and friends. When two people have not yet come together, the opposition of relatives and friends may make their feelings seem more rare, but when they really cultivate the right results and become a family, then at this time, the opposition of relatives and friends will become their pressure.
Because in a person's life, relatives and friends are indispensable, they will play a very important role in your life, you will always see their figure in your life, sick, children go to school, who has a lifespan, these are inseparable from the figure of relatives and friends. It is impossible for a person to live on an isolated island for the rest of his life. Therefore, the words and opinions of these relatives and friends are not to say that you can not listen if you do not want to hear them. When all your relatives and friends say that you are not doing anything authentic, you will face great pressure at every meeting, or in a group of relatives and friends, talking about what you have done and preaching to you a lot.
The pressure isn't just for you, it's also felt by your current husband. Once people face pressure, it is difficult to be happy, people will become negative, and even become unloving to interact with people. Although some people can digest this pressure well and keep themselves from the impact of pressure, this is after all a minority, most people are social animals, in the face of pressure, in the face of criticism from others, it is difficult to do not change color. Therefore, this kind of pressure will greatly affect the life and feelings of women and current husbands.
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Therefore, women must not think about it and enter into marriage with lovers outside of marriage. Even if a woman is divorced, even if she wants to get married, she has to change someone. Because after cultivating positive results with "true love" outside of marriage, women will not necessarily achieve happiness, and it can be said that the possibility of obtaining happiness is very small. Women must not take a chance, thinking that they are the lucky ones, and they will definitely be happy after marrying "true love" outside of marriage. That's not possible, you'll just be the majority.
The reason why women want to marry men outside of marriage is because the relationship between two people during extramarital romance makes women have the illusion, let women think that this is true love, she thinks that their feelings are sincere, so she wants to be with each other forever, she wants to be with each other all the time.
But after two people have gone through countless hardships and really entered into marriage, they will find that it is not a good thing to be together all the time, and the sweetness of the original two people together is not the norm. And all the things that happen after marriage will tell her that she thinks too naively, where there are so many true loves, all feelings are true love at first, but in the end they all become enemies.
Many women marry men outside of marriage in pursuit of true love, and when they are really married, they find that their feelings are just like this, she is just a different person to live a similar life as before.
Therefore, women must not think of marrying men outside of marriage, this is an act of digging their own graves, and you are likely to live a more painful life than when you first married.
Text/Fenghua