The combination of children and daughters and a "good" word is probably everyone's expectation. In particular, with the adjustment of the national fertility policy, more and more parents have included the second or even third child in the plan. So, families with two babies, especially those with an age gap between the first and second children, between the ages of 5-10 years old, how should they teach two children to get along in their daily lives?
The reason why I pay attention to this is mainly because the two children with this age difference are really difficult to teach, and they are self-defeating if they are not careful. Honghong has asked many such parents around, and their answers are surprisingly consistent: the boss must let the second boss! After all, the age difference is there, and the eldest is 4 or 5 years old, and he knows something more or less.
Sister Yang, who was born in 83, thinks so, Yang Sister's dabao is a girl, born in 2009, because both husband and wife are not only children, plus Sister Yang's health is not very good, and after the comprehensive two-child policy was introduced, it was several years later, until 2018, when the second child was born. As soon as the child landed, the family danced happily: Boy, can't you make up a "good" word now!
After giving birth to the second child, most of Sister Yang's attention shifted to the second treasure, first, Sister Yang is an elderly child, and she also has some difficulties; second, the age gap between the two children is large, and the matter of taking a small baby has to start over; third, Dabao is almost 9 years old, sensible, and does not have to stare at it every day.
However, as Erbao grew up day by day, the contradictions between the sisters and brothers became more and more obvious: fighting, scrambling for things, and competing for the attention of their parents. At first, the sister deliberately let the younger brother, but as a result, the younger brother had no fear, but instead gave a fierce hand. Once they get in front of their parents, their parents blame their sister for not being humble, and the parent-child relationship becomes more and more tense. In the end, the sister did not easily let the younger brother, and the fight was a real fight.
Faced with such a situation, Sister Yang and his wife really broke their hearts.
Coincidentally, Sister Tan and Sister Yang have the same troubles, but Sister Tan's family is two brothers and sisters, and the 13-year-old brother is in the rebellious period, a full 10 years older than her sister. The brothers and sisters do not fight, but the brother knows very well how to make the sister cry, so the brother always likes to change the law to tease the sister, for example, to tell the sister "you are not good" and "you are not a good child", for example, half coaxed and half deceived to say that he wanted to throw away his sister's favorite things.
Often, within a few words, the sister was teased by her brother and cried. Sister Tan is very helpless: the sister is a somewhat stubborn, the brother is a child who does not look at the eyes but has some small rebellion, scold the brother, afraid that the brother will bully the sister even more, do not scold it, the brother often makes the sister cry, it is really embarrassing.
In fact, not only the age difference of 5-10 years of the two children of the opposite sex, other times, parents will also encounter these situations, Honghong has seen the two sisters get along really badly: the third grade sister is well-behaved and sensible, the academic performance is one of the best in the class, and will also take the initiative to help the mother cook and clean up the home; the first grade sister is brutal and domineering, the academic performance is a mess, and often gives instructions to the sister, and pinches the sister's face and hair when she is unhappy.
I thought that there was one more child, Dabao had a companion, not alone, did not expect that the gap between the ideal and reality was so big.
So, why do two children have so many problems getting along?
The first point: invisible eccentricity is at work
When it comes to son preference, there will always be people who scold in various ways, "What era is this, still son preference?" "But in fact, the preference for sons and daughters really exists, but it is not hung on the mouth, but it is hidden in the heart, especially when the second treasure is a boy, parents are always unconsciously biased towards boys."
It used to be said: The emperor loves the eldest son, and the people love the son. Under normal circumstances, if the family is two children of the same sex, the smaller one will mostly have an advantage.
The second point: the ideological work of Dabao has not been done well
Jealousy is human nature, especially for sensitive children. For Dabao, even if he had also enjoyed the care and care from his parents, no less than Erbao, but because the memories of his childhood had been almost forgotten, he only noticed his parents' meticulous care for Erbao, and subconsciously he would feel neglected. If his parents did not enlighten him in time at this time, but blamed him, Dabao would be easily jealous and hostile to Erbao.
The third point: there is no way to get along with children
Many times we will find that when children play, it is easy to have contradictions, and even the best friends will inevitably disagree. Many times, when we take our children out, we will inform our children of the precautions in advance.
The so-called authorities are obsessed with bystanders, and often when two children get along, parents are easy to ignore. First, the two children see each other every day, which is different from ordinary members; second, the same words are spoken every day, and it is easy to get tired.
So, how to deal with the relationship between the two children in the family?
1, the right thing is not the right person
Many times, we are deceived by our own brains, especially some negative thoughts. When we don't get the pleasure and satisfaction of immediate results, we unconsciously transfer our thoughts out, and often the object of the consequences is people.
Therefore, when two children have a conflict, as a parent, you must warn yourself: the right thing is not the right person.
2, care about the second treasure and don't forget the big treasure
I always hear someone say: These are the first time to be human, why let you. A joke, there is also a certain truth, we hope that the older let the younger, feel that this is taken for granted. However, we must also think that Dabao is also a child, and it also needs the care and love of parents.
Therefore, when caring for the second treasure, don't forget to care for the big treasure.
3. Try to let go
There was once something that made people cry and laugh: two children fighting, two parents going down theory. As a result, the parents of the two families quarreled, and looking back, the two children had long forgotten the previous quarrel, had been reconciled, and played happily together again.
In fact, the contradictions between children can be properly let go and let them deal with themselves, maybe they handle them better than their parents.
4, love to speak out
We Chinese always very subtle, ashamed to say love, in fact, when taking children, often say love for children, better than simple action. Because the child's ideas are simple and do not bend, he likes the most intuitive feelings, such as listening, hearing affirmations and strong love from parents, than letting him feel it himself.