Whether "son preference" is right or wrong: seeing the essence of son preference

See the essence of son preference

Do you have patriarchal elders around you?

My 87-year-old grandfather now carries my 5-month-old nephew for a walk every day.

My sister-in-law said, "I can't let go." When my sister was a child, he didn't touch it. ”

Grandpa preferred sons to daughters, as we all know, otherwise my mother would not have been able to ask all kinds of earthworks to have a son after giving birth to 3 daughters, and finally gave birth to my brother as she wished, and finally felt that she was angry.

I remember asking my dad, "Who do you love the most, our four brothers and sisters?" ”

My dad said, "Everybody loves, they're all the same." ”

My dad is a master of water.

But in fact, I know that in his and my mother's heart, the younger brother's position is always more important, because my mother said that when she is away, if her brother can watch her close her eyes, she will be blind.

All the elders in the family acquiesced, and the future family property was my brother's.

Is this patriarchal? Is it wrong?

"Son preference" is a cultural inheritance that continues in the bloodline, and has nothing to do with right or wrong

In modern society, especially in cities, "son preference" is close to "feudal and conservative" and "pedantic and ignorant", which is a derogatory term for swearing. However, in the countryside, especially in the remote countryside, the preference for sons over daughters is still so natural, and the phenomenon of giving birth to boys and having honor, full moon wine and feasting vigorously, and giving birth to girls is still common.

Is son preference right or wrong?

As a way to continue the bloodline, "son preference" is a culture of inheritance, regardless of right or wrong.

In the face of such an ancient bloodline continuation and inheritance culture, right and wrong do not matter at all, unless we can return to the matriarchal society.

This sweeping tomb from the Qingming Festival can be managed to peek into a leopard.

As one of the four traditional festivals in China, the Qingming Festival is a ceremony to comfort and miss the deceased, but also the inheritance of the concept of the root of the tree thousands of feet high, the ancestors sweeping the grave is not only a simple ceremony, but the gratitude and awe of the living for life, for the deceased relatives, ancestors, solemnly send their own thoughts and respects, year after year, generation after generation, endless.

This traditional festival is closely related to the "preference for sons over daughters" because it is carried over by generations of men.

As women, we have to admit the fact.

We can think that we, as daughters, can take our children with us to worship their grandparents while we are still alive, and when we are gone and no one takes them anymore, what are the chances of them visiting the graves of our parents? And when our children are no longer alive, will their children still come to worship their mother's mother and mother?

It should be very few (unless there is a celebrity outside the family), and the inheritance is broken.

Women continue as the surname of the family they marry into, in order to receive the worship of the descendants of the surname, rather than the worship of the descendants of their own surname.

Even a generation of empresses, Wu Zetian, had to succumb to such a heritage culture.

Wu Zetian, as an empress of a generation, originally wanted to pass the throne to the Wu family, but Di Renjie's words made her dispel her thoughts.

Di Renjie advised Wu Zetian, "If Your Majesty is located in his son, after your immortals go, you will naturally enjoy the incense of your descendants, if you pass the throne to your nephew, but from ancient times to the present, I have never heard that nephews often go to worship their aunts. ”

Di Renjie's words seemed to awaken Wu Zetian, and in the end she returned the throne to the Li family and passed it on to her son Li Xian. Empress Wu Zetian finally chose to be the daughter-in-law of the Li family and the empress of the Tang Dynasty, and was buried together in the tomb of Emperor Gaozong of Tang after her death.

The incense tradition has run through China for five thousand years, and unless we can find a better way to pass it on, there is no reason for us to condemn it and despise it.

The "bloody case" caused by "son preference" is essentially caused by the evil of human nature

What we want to condemn and despise are those who wear the cloak of "son preference" and are the evil of pedestrian nature; those who hold the concept of "son preference" and thus limit women's choice and development space, squeeze women's giving and value, and hurt women's bodies and feelings.

For example, Lolo, a girl who was "squeezed dry" by her parents. On October 17, 2021, the girl Luo Luo drowned while walking on the Qiantang River, the company gave 60,000 yuan to her parents for humanitarian reasons, but her parents asked for 410,000 yuan, the reason is to buy a house for her brother, thus unveiling the fig leaf of Luo Luo's parents' greedy "blood sucking", which caused great concern and heated discussion at that time.

The room in "An Jia" is like a brocade. She was born in a poor rural family, pan Guiyu," a mother who was eager to give birth to her, was ready to throw her into a well, starved from childhood, worked half-time and was admitted to 985 University, became one of the top ten gold medal sales in a well-known real estate company, and the family people used her as a cash machine, so Fang Zhijin could only desperately make money and give money to the family again and again. But the family is like a bottomless pit, insatiable, endless, and her mother even asked her for 1 million to buy a house for her brother;

Su Mingyu in "All Is Good" was also born in a patriarchal family, in the eyes of the mother, the two sons are far more important than the daughter, the two sons' wishes mother smashed the pot and sold iron will be satisfied, and the daughter wants to study, but the mother refuses to pay.

Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy", who grew up in a family with a very serious preference for sons and daughters, not only lacked love in childhood, but also could not get rid of the family after he went to a foreign city to break out, not only helped his brother buy a house, but even his nephew needed to support himself.

These cases, which are essentially caused by the greed and eccentric human nature of parents, have little to do with "son preference".

Because such a parent, if he only has a son and no daughter, then the one who is not favored should also be required to pay and sacrifice for the favored one.

What should I do when I encounter an elder who prefers sons to daughters?

First of all, we must distinguish whether the "son preference" of the elders is a traditional concept engraved in the genes, or a kind of cold feelings and ugly human nature written in the bones.

How to tell?

The easiest way is to have no affection or "love" for your daughter.

Even in ancient times, there were still many families who regarded their daughters as "pearls in the palm of their hands", because loving children was the nature of every pair of parents.

If someone violates this nature and just uses his daughter as a tool person, in essence, it is not because of the preference for sons and daughters, but because of his cold nature or even insatiable greed, at this time, he must be brave enough to say "no" to prevent himself from being "squeezed dry".

And if your parents love you in action and language, don't be too real with them.

We can't change their deep-seated ideas, and we don't have to change them.

Just like over the years, my sisters and sisters and I have never complained about my parents' so-called "son preference", because their actions show us as daughters to have a full sense of security:

In the 1980s and 1990s, when school was very expensive, many people could not afford to provide for so many children to study, and basically chose to let their daughters drop out of school only for their sons. Not only do my parents have to provide for school, but even if their daughter is almost tested, they are willing to spend a high price to send them to key middle schools;

Usually do housework, but also because my brother is a "treasure in the palm of the hand" can be exempted, the four sisters and brothers take turns to come who do not want to hide;

Even because my brother was naughty and mischievous since childhood, being beaten became a common thing, but our three sisters have never been beaten;

……

As my dad said, they "loved everyone."

As daughters, we are not jealous of our brother, because we have experienced the fervent expectations of our family before his arrival, and we have also strongly looked forward to him together; after the brother was born, he naturally loved him (although he also beat him when he refused to wash the dishes and suppressed him by force).

Therefore, we do not resist or be dissatisfied with their traditional and conservative concepts of "sons old-age pension and death" and "family property left to sons".

We all graduated from college and worked, we had hands and feet, we could support ourselves, we didn't need family property, and we even had the strength to help our brother.

They did their best to send us to college, to give us full and enough love, is to give us the greatest wealth.