Don't know how to praise children? 7 praise tips to make the parent-child relationship a big leap

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In my articles and consultations, I will emphasize the importance of praise, it is an icebreaker to improve relationships, and it is a good medicine to enhance self-worth. In life, I often send praise, but it is mostly scattered and random.

This time, I want to try it myself, send out praise every day, after 21 days of deliberate practice, what will happen and what will change.

After 21 days, I have gained a lot, and the important things are two aspects.

One is at the sensory level: becoming more conscious and more aware of giving out praise.

Because there is a task of boasting every day, I will set aside a little attention for this matter every day, to pay attention to what my family has done and said, and you can praise it.

In ordinary times, it is often dealt with subconsciously, and it is impossible to find a shining point from it and consciously boast.

1/21 day

Today, on the sixth day of the first year, after several days of release, Orange began to write winter vacation homework. He listed all the homework and showed it to me: Mom, you see, I have so much homework to write.

I glanced at it, said okay, turned my head and planned to do the housework again. He also pulled me aside and said, "I can finish writing in a few days, three days in Chinese, and two days in English..."

When he estimated, I suddenly thought that this was a good time to praise him, so I changed to perfunctory cooperation, helping him estimate the number of days together, about ten days to write.

I said, "My son really has the ability to coordinate and do things in a planned and organized manner, doesn't he?" Orange let out an "um" and could sense that he was feeling good.

After 21 days of deliberate practice, the neural pathways in this area are more strengthened, and when things are encountered, they will more consciously look at things from a positive point of view.

Now that the punch card has long ended, I have retained this habit to some extent, and from time to time I will have a flash of thought and think about whether there is a compliment to be given.

There are a lot of small perceptions —

5/21 days

Tonight let Orange teach his cousin to wash his socks, and Orange taught very methodically. I boasted:

I really have a brother.

Orange raised his head and snorted triumphantly.

Also boasted a treasure, that is, the cousin of the orange, washing the socks really seriously.

I have found that when I have the heart to praise people, it seems that the number and degree of reprimands are also less, after all, I still have to praise people, you can't just finish the training, the change is too fast, so when training people will also be leisurely ~ ~

6/21 days

Today and Orange went out, far away to see him come over, tall, handsome, walking a little bit of the strength of a middle school student dick, can't help but praise him: My son is really handsome!

However, the night was a little unpleasant because of the game play.

I have found that in the daily communication with children, instructions, nagging, supervision, and accusation account for a large proportion, and if it is not deliberately careful, praise only accounts for a small proportion or even nothing.

The older the child, the more so.

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The other is the tricky side: inadvertently unlocking a lot of praise tricks.

This was a bit unexpected.

Originally, I just recorded it in a small punch card, but I didn't expect that after 21 days, I actually summed up a variety of ways to praise people, which made the praise thing more fun.

1. Flank and praise

Simply put, you want to praise A, but not directly, but to B, intentionally or unintentionally let A hear. This is better than praising A in person.

I have used this method before, and this time I use it consciously, and the effect is still very good. If you have a chance, you must try it.

11/21 days

Today I am at home with my little nephew, I want to catch up with the manuscript, and he said that he would play by himself, don't disturb me, he basically did it.

When the orange returned, I praised the little nephew to the orange: Today Yibao can understand things, I am busy with work, he plays by himself, it is very quiet, and it does not bother me. When I boasted, the little nephew was listening, well, to him.

2. Boast humbly and teachably

When the other party is doing a good job in a certain aspect, you can humbly ask the other party for advice, ask him how to do it, and what are the secrets. Such a consultation, although there is no praise, is itself the best praise for the other party.

Everyone is willing to tell their own pride, your consultation gives the other party such an opportunity, but also makes the other party feel "seen" and valued, which invisibly enhances the sense of self-worth.

19/21 days

Tonight I fried a plate of shredded potatoes, which was made according to the method of oranges, and the shredded potatoes he made were particularly delicious.

I asked him, "Isn't it a bit of a taste of your stir-frying?" He nodded.

I asked again, "Are you about to catch up with your frying?" ”

He said: "It's still a little bit off. ”

Haha, this is an indirect exaggeration

3. Exaggeration through time and space

Orange and I sometimes have conversations that travel through time.

For example, if Orange doesn't want to do something, he will say: Leave this matter to me tomorrow. I said: Tomorrow you will be very annoyed with you today. Ha ha.

In this way, I can travel through time and space and see myself from another perspective, which is not only fresh, but also

That day, I praised myself through time and space.

18/21 days

Today I wrote a one-day appointment, it was not very smooth, I wrote it with my hair in a daze, and I finally finished it in the evening.

Going out for a walk at night, standing at an intersection waiting for a red light, I suddenly thought that I worked so hard, ten years later, I will definitely thank myself now.

So I decided to thank me for my current self ten years later: "Thank you for your efforts now, and you will have who I am today." ”

4. Kill two birds with one stone

After 21 days of punching in to the second half of the journey, I feel more and more at ease, whether it is boasting or boasting, the inspiration moves, and it comes casually.

There is a kind of exaggeration, both praise for the other party and praise yourself - of course, where is the point, please also experience it yourself

By the way, such exaggeration is more like a small joke to enhance feelings every day, don't make a serious one.

16/21 days

At noon, I went to dinner with Orange, and we talked as we walked, talking about how to read, chatting, talking about repressed traits, and talking a lot. I talked about a recent realization, and Orange said he felt something similar.

Enjoyed the chat like this.

When I finished eating and walked back, I praised him: "You are very powerful, I only have the feeling of this age, you realized it when you were a teenager - you see how good you and your father gave birth to you, inheriting the excellent qualities of both of us." ”

The orange gave me a blank look and was speechless.

I said, "I envy you so much." ”

Looking at the orange's beautiful look, I continued: "I envy you to have a mother like me, you see how many mothers around you will chat with their children like this." ”

Haha, today is not a serious exaggeration, praise yourself is also a boast

5. Boast back

How do you react when someone praises you?

I usually say thank you, and I'm happy that you say that. It's fun to accept praise from others.

This time, I unlocked a new skill, and when others praised themselves, they not only happily accepted, but also praised backhands, and were happy with each other.

On March 8th Women's Day, I bought a few bottles of cream for my mother, and I delivered it today.

My mother took a picture of me, thanked me, and conveyed my father's words: "Your father said that it is better to have a baby daughter."

I praised it back: It's not because you're well-bred.

Ha ha

6. A little progress is exaggerated

This method is especially suitable for children to learn certain skills and develop good habits. Especially in the beginning, as long as there is a little progress, praise, so that he can get positive feedback in time and have more confidence in himself.

I understand this quite well, because the composition of the orange and the cooking level of the orange father are all exaggerated by me.

10/21 days

The little nephew always had leftovers in the first few days of coming to my house, saying that he could not eat. Later, when he was served a meal, he would be asked to see if how much was appropriate.

For two consecutive days, he assessed it very accurately, saying that it was almost the same, and he could really eat it. This morning praised him: I really have a number in my heart, and I have a good grasp of how much I eat.

Good habits are cultivated little by little.

7. Boast when you think about it, anytime, anywhere

I used to have such an obsession: if I want to praise people, I always feel the need to lay the groundwork, and I have to wait until the occasion, the timing, and the atmosphere are right, so it is more natural to praise. Coldly praising people, I feel embarrassed.

But often when the time comes, the urge to praise people has long disappeared. Praising others also requires a little passion.

This time, I found that I had a breakthrough: I thought of it, and blurted out if I wanted to. I also found that people who receive praise are always very useful because they don't care about the timing of the atmosphere.

Think about it, is it also a small surprise to change into yourself and be caught off guard by being slapped with a rainbow fart?

8/21 days

Shoot Orange Daddy's rainbow fart today. After dinner, the two of us chatted, I remembered one thing that could be exaggerated, but it seemed a little abrupt, and I thought about it for a while, and I thought about him.

I said: I had dinner with my friends that day, you came late, and as soon as you entered the door, I found that my husband was really dignified.

Haha, teammates said that they were very useful~

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This 21-day punch card, more than 100 mothers participated, and when I was free, I read almost all the punch cards of everyone. I found that praise itself has energy, and sometimes, when I look at it, I can't help but raise the corners of my mouth and really like it.

At the same time, I also found a very common phenomenon:

Many friends saw the shining point of their family, but did not express it, but silently liked him in their hearts.

Whenever I see such punch card content, I can't help but leave a message below: Don't forget to praise it in person.

I used to be like this, used to be low-key and subtle, and I always felt that the words of praise in front of my face were unspeakable. I haven't praised people yet, I feel uncomfortable at first, I'm sorry.

He would also say to himself: You can know in your heart, why do you have to say it so clearly.

In fact, if you don't say it, the other party really doesn't know what you appreciate about him, he doesn't realize that he's doing a good job, and even thinks you're not satisfied with him.

Therefore, praising others is itself a self-breakthrough.

For the sake of family harmony, for the improvement of parent-child relationship, for yourself, what you want, please give it first - give it warmly and enthusiastically, and give it in a different way.

Because, when you see the other person receiving praise and being lit up instantly, your heart will also bloom.

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Ling Xiang: Orange Mother, a national second-level psychological counselor, a special psychological growth mentor of Youth Digest, focusing on the mental health of children and adolescents, helping tens of millions of parents build a better parent-child relationship, and authored "Psychology That Good Mothers Understand".