Raising children requires the participation of the whole family, in the face of children's parenting problems, each family's way is different, some families may choose gentleness and kindness, and some families may uphold the traditional strict education.
But for children, what kind of education methods parents use, what kind of educational fruits will be produced. What kind of educational environment the child grows up in, the future state of the child's life will be like.
Now parents have a lot of ideas, in the parenting style is also relatively rich and diverse, the child's growth is also a process that needs to constantly explore the potential, the child's growth method is actually very simple, once it is complicated, it may become less relaxed.
Therefore, the most important thing parents should do is to return to their original intentions, adjust their state to the state when the child was just born, and the state when they first heard the child call Mom and Dad, the love at that time is the simplest, purest and more direct.
In the book "Positive Discipline", there is such an educational principle, that is, I hope that parents are "gentle and firm", these 5 words seem simple, but the operation is more complicated, and some details should be paid attention to.
When should parents be gentle? Don't overlook the details
Parents cannot be gentle at all times when facing their children. But on important occasions, and when your child needs himself, be sure to be gentle.
Parents and children should be gentle when communicating. When communicating with their children, parents must maintain a peaceful state, and the tone must be gentle and kind. When 80% of adults recall their childhood, the first thing that comes to mind is their parents' emotions.
Parents' emotions are like a seed, rooted in the child's heart, as the child grows up, the seed of emotions will germinate, more and more inclined to the parents' emotions. Sometimes what parents say is not important, and the impact of parents' emotional state on children is relatively large.
Be gentle when correcting your child's wrong behavior. Parents must also be gentle when correcting their children's mistakes, and the gentleness at this time is not to let parents show weakness in front of their children, but to use a steady speed of speech, say what they want to say, and use a gentle attitude to resolve the child's embarrassing behavior.
At the same time, it is also necessary to tolerate their nervous emotions, when the child makes a mistake, the parents should gently tell the child how to do it, and guide them to do things well in the positive direction. In this way, when children encounter similar problems again, they will think of their parents' attitude to deal with problems for the first time and are willing to treat them with gentleness. When a child is treated gently, he will also maintain a gentle and kind attitude towards the people around him.
When should parents be determined? 2 situations to adhere to the principle
When the child makes an unreasonable fuss and challenges the parents' bottom line. When parents and children have made the rules, or the children are already under the collective rules, but still have to touch the rules, challenge the rules, hurt others, destroy the environment, and even threaten their own safety. At this time, parents must correct their children's words and deeds at the first time and strengthen their principles.
At this time, parents should have the courage to emphasize the rules repeatedly, and go with their children to fulfill their responsibilities. Let the child understand his own problems and guide the child to gradually adapt to the group rules.
As long as the two sides are fixed, they must perform the compliance together, and once the rules are not fulfilled, they must bear certain responsibilities and lose something.
The child is not filial piety and hates beating and cursing the elderly. Some children will be pleasing in front of the elderly, easy to reach out to hit the elderly, or do some disrespectful actions of the elderly, offending the elderly, at this time, parents should no longer protect their children, but to explain the principles with him, adhere to their attitudes, let the children and the elderly apologize, and guide the children how to treat the elderly.
If the child really doesn't like the elderly very much, stay away, rather than having some disrespectful behavior. When the child really scolds the elderly, parents should also calmly and seriously talk to the child about this problem, stop it at the first time, and parents should also lead by example and teach their children how to respect the elderly.
Parents' gentle and determined parenting style requires "deliberate training"
Gentle and determined parenting, which sounds simple, is actually difficult for him to do, and there are some things that need to be deliberately practiced. And these 3 ways are the most practiced by parents.
Practice deliberately and say what you see. Parents should deliberately practice saying what they see, such as the child's strengths, the child's anxiety, and their own emotional changes. For example, the child put the toy on the ground, very messy, at this time the parents should deliberately practice, say what they see, do not make any evaluation.
Parents should tell their children: "Your toys are on the ground and your socks are on the desk." Such non-commenting language will allow children to reflect and think for themselves, and parents should practice in life and say what they see.
The habit of speaking in such language, practicing the use of "telegram sentences" to express, parents do not impose their own ideas into the brain of others, this way is also called staying aware.
Deliberately practice describing emotional states. Parents should also practice teaching their children how to express emotions, and when their children have emotions, teach their children to use the names of emotions to divert attention.
When children divert their attention from one thing, their emotions will also be distracted. For example: "You're angry now, so try to calm down." "Please drink a glass of water first, and we'll talk about it."
Deliberately practice deep breathing and adjust to change your state. Parents should also learn to try to breathe deeply and adjust their state when their children have problems. Because only by adjusting their own state to the best can we guide the child to the best state, and the child will imitate the way the parents deal with the problem at this moment. Parents are role models for children to learn from, not to work with their parents to wrestle with the emotional state of this issue.
Everything comes with solving problems, so parents should take me to solve problems, accept the mission of emotions to communicate with children, and let children grow better.
Write at the end: Affection is innate, but love needs to be learned. Children are always "copies" of their parents and will spend their lives under the influence of their parents.
When the child is truly independent, parents should also let go, always maintain a gentle attitude to communicate with the child, the firm principle of the parents, and the child to communicate the essence of life, so that the child has a full sense of security.
Today's Topic: How do you see the word "gentle and firm"?