For the education of children
Different parents have different ways of educating
Some parents belong to the "pig teammate" type
Some parents belong to the "God Assist" type
Although the original intention is good
But the results of education vary from person to person
Let's see what type of parent you are, right?
About communication
"Pig Teammate" parents
They tend to stand in the position of authority and feel that their ideas are right and mature.
Children's ideas are wrong and naïve, so they want children to listen to their own words, but they are not willing to listen to their children's ideas, and the relationship with children is more controlling.
"God assists" parents
They respect the child's ideas and feel that the child's relationship with themselves is equal.
They believe that children have different ideas from parents, but they are willing to communicate, find the intersection of parent-child ideas, cooperate with each other, support each other, and their relationship with children is more cooperative.
About perspective
They are willing to look at the child from the perspective of a magnifying glass, paying attention to the small things in the child's life and learning.
For example, the score ranking of this exam, the piano practiced twice less...
Such attention makes children nervous and anxious, afraid of being criticized for doing wrong things, and parents are short-sighted in considering problems.
Wise parents are accustomed to looking at things from a long-term perspective, and they are used to holding telescopes to watch their children's growth.
For example, the child's interest in learning is more important than the temporary grade, and he is willing to look at the child's current growth from the perspective of the senior student who has experienced it, and has far-sighted but less near-term worries.
About the characteristics of children
They feel that there are many shortcomings in the child, only a few advantages.
And feel that the child's strengths do not need to pay attention to, eager to change the shortcomings of the child, they think that only in this way, the child can become an excellent and perfect person.
They feel that the advantages and disadvantages of children are characteristics.
They acknowledge that there are some parts of the child that need to be adjusted, but they think that introverted children may be more calm and dare to express different opinions from their parents more thoughtfully...
They feel that not focusing on the child's shortcomings and nagging, reinforcing the child's strengths is to weaken their shortcomings.
About comparisons
They believe that children's failures are avoidable, and that failure equals mistakes.
Often setting up other people's children with children is a benchmark, telling children to do their best, but such a view is easy for children to be afraid of failure, so they have no self-confidence and dare not try more possibilities.
They believe that failure is part of growth, even a process that must be experienced to grow, and that failure is nothing.
What is learned from failure is more precious, only in this way can the child's mind be more mature and the future can be more independent and confident.
About asking questions
They don't like children to always come up with whimsical, "wild" ideas, because in their eyes they are useless.
When children come up with "100,000 whys," they choose to ignore or rush to give their children what they think is the right answer.
First of all, they will affirm that the child raises his own questions, for the child's problem, they are not eager to think for the child, believe and encourage the child to have the courage to find answers and solutions on their own.
Even if they feel that the child's approach is not perfect, they are willing to give the child the opportunity to try and make mistakes, because they believe that the problem often hides creativity and imagination, and the child's thinking will irrigate the problem and make it sprout and blossom.
About learning
They feel that learning is a process of indoctrination, learning is the need for children to record knowledge, do exercises, and the only indicator that reflects the results of learning is performance.
The more time it takes, the better the effect of learning, and such an attitude often makes children feel the joy of learning, and they cannot find the inner motivation to learn.
They believe that learning is a process of exploration, the process must have fluctuations, twists and turns, and the results are important, but the reasons behind the good and bad grades are also important.
If the child does not perform well, we need to objectively look at the child's knowledge mastery, but also need to consider the thinking, self-confidence, emotions, mentality and so on that affect the grade.
About time allocation
In their eyes, the child's business is only learning and two other things.
Their mantra is "you don't care about anything but learning", which ignores other aspects of the child's development and makes the child feel stressed.
Know that the child is a complete person, not a learning machine.
They are accustomed to comprehensively considering all aspects of the child's development, the child's task, in addition to learning, there are many other aspects, such as sports, reading, peer interaction...
There is also a need to appropriately leave blank space for children to play on their own, so that it is easier for children to become a complete individual, and all aspects will also promote each other.
About life roles
They are very demanding of themselves, and they want to achieve 100 points in every identity in life, and if they can't do it, they are often anxious, depressed, and even angry;
In fact, the idea of being a perfect mother, wife, and employee will only make you feel stressed, and sometimes it will make your family unable to relax, and life is not just a single choice.
They have no harsh demands on themselves, and they understand that they must love themselves before they love their families.
Balance your life and work, be a qualified mother, a happy wife, and a learning employee.
Treat life as a multi-choice question, flexibly adjust your energy at each stage, and when you have a good attitude, the family around you also feels happy.
About life
Their definition of a successful life is often relatively simple, believing that the happiness of children is good grades, good jobs, good income...
Of course, the definition of good means to be better than others.
They are often measured by visible results, believing that "children cannot be allowed to lose at the starting line", and in this way, it is difficult for children to appreciate the meaning of their lives.
They believe that the definition of a successful life is diverse, and in the growth of children, they feel that as long as children make progress and gain, they are successful.
They strive to add a variety of experiences to their children's lives, allowing them to find their own sense of accomplishment and fun in them, so as to live their own meaning.
About education
The way they let the child develop in a good direction is to direct the child to do it, and the child will get angry, angry, or even yell when he can't do it.
Until the child changes, they are used to saying "I am for your own good, so you have to obey", they are good and hard-intentioned, but often in exchange for the child's resistance and parent-child relationship tension.
They believe that words are greater than teaching by example, and they are willing to lead by example to change themselves first, and then subtly influence their children.
In terms of reading, exercising, not overly indulging in games, etc., they want to act as role models first, and their subtext is "For the good of my children, I want to make myself better."
Source: Harmony Psychological Counseling Service Center