Parents treat their children in no different ways: one is to manage everything, to manage all the time, to do a lot of things, but the effect is not good; the second is to do nothing, do nothing, let it go, do not ask, the result is even worse; the third is to manage but not all, do not do much, but all to the point, the child's growth is smooth.
Obviously, "doing everything" and "doing nothing" are too extreme, biased, and undesirable.
Brilliant parents have always chosen to "do something and do nothing", more specifically, only do four things.
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First thing: Successful tutoring is closely related to the verbal expression of parents
In particular, the tone of parents talking to their children will have a profound impact on their children's emotional intelligence, IQ, temperament, and cultivation.
01 Tone of trust
Children want to be trusted by adults, especially parents, so parents should show full trust when speaking to children.
If a child wants to learn to play table tennis, you say in a trusting tone: "I believe that as long as you study hard and study seriously, you will definitely learn to play ball." ”
This invisibly gives the child a sense of self-confidence and makes him understand that only persistence can achieve success.
If you use a sarcastic tone: "Do you still want to play for three minutes like this?" It will hurt the child's self-esteem, but it will make him unconfident in his own ability.
02 Respectful tone
From the age of two or three, a child's sense of self begins to sprout, and this sense of self becomes stronger as you age.
The child has some of his own opinions, indicating that the child knows his own strength and ability.
When he puts forward his own views and demands, don't think that he doesn't listen to you, is working against you, and rudely opposes him.
If you ask your child to learn English, but he still wants to play with his friends for a while, you can't lose your temper: "The bigger you are, the more disobedient you are, don't study well, see what you can do when you grow up." "Doing so will only make children more averse to learning."
You should use a respectful tone: "Then you play a little longer, but when you're done, you must learn English." "The child is more receptive.
03 The tone of discussion
Every child has self-esteem.
Ask your child to do something, use a negotiable tone, and let him understand that he is equal to you and that you respect him.
For example, if you want your child to clean up the toys that are littered on the ground, you can say, "Stars, toys are littered, what a bad habit, can you clean up the toys with your mother?"
Don't use a commanding tone: "How do you do it, toys are littered, hurry up and clean up!" Otherwise, when the child listens to your rebuke, he will feel disgusted in his heart, and even if he does what you ask, he will not be happy.
04 The tone of appreciation
Every child has strengths, has a desire to perform, and discovering the child's strengths and appreciating them will make him more willing to perform.
The child draws a picture, maybe the painting is not very good, but the child's enthusiasm and seriousness in painting are the most valuable.
When the child holds the painting to you, you can't deal with a few words lightly: "Draw well, practice well." "This will make children lose enthusiasm and confidence in drawing."
His work should be affirmed in an appreciative tone: "I didn't expect my baby to draw so well, and if I continue to work hard, I will definitely paint better." ”
The child's desire for expression is satisfied, and with a happy emotional experience, he will be more interested in drawing.
05 Encouraging tone
It is impossible for a child to be free of fault.
When a child does something wrong, do not blindly criticize and blame, but help him to learn lessons in his mistakes, accumulate experience, and encourage him to succeed again.
If a child helps his mother for the first time to bring a rice bowl and falls to the ground and breaks it, you can't blame him: "Even a bowl is unstable, it's really stupid." ”
This will discourage the child's confidence and courage to try new things.
You should use an encouraging tone: "You accidentally broke the bowl, it doesn't matter, first try to burn it with your fingers later." In this way, it not only teaches him the method of practice, but also gives the child the confidence to try again.
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The second thing: cultivate a good parent-child relationship
Good relationships trump many educations.
When parents have a good relationship with their children, their children's education is easy to succeed; when they have a bad relationship with their children, their children's education is easy to fail.
The key to establishing a good parent-child relationship lies in "positioning".
01 Improper "judge", learn to be a "lawyer"
Some parents see that something is wrong with their children and can't wait to become "judges", which is very dangerous.
Children's inner world is rich and colorful, parents should actively influence and educate children, without understanding their inner world can not be talked about.
The first thing to know about a child is to take care of his self-esteem, defend his rights, and become his trusted and respected friend.
That is to say, parents should treat their children like "lawyers" to their clients, understand their inner needs, and always take the protection of their legal rights as their sole purpose.
02 Improper "refereeing", learn to be a "cheerleaders"
In the arena of life, children can only work their own.
Parents can neither replace their children nor should they make up their own minds to be "referees", but should give their children a strength to maintain a good competitive state, that is, the strength of "cheerleaders".
This will help children build self-confidence, which is the core task of family education.
Parents should be the "cheerleaders" of their children, not only be good at discovering and praising their children, but also guide their children to face failure correctly and be their children's comrades-in-arms before setbacks.
03 Improper "animal trainer", learn to be a "mirror"
Children can only overcome themselves by knowing themselves, but they can usually only know themselves based on the feedback of others, and then the "feedback" role of parents, that is, the role of mirrors, is very important.
Not to be a "beast trainer" and learn to be a "mirror" can help children improve their self-awareness, so that children are not afraid of their parents' "authority" and communicate with their parents.
Education is three points, seven points, etc.
"Wait a minute" is useful.
For example, if we are bitten by a mosquito, no matter it, it will soon be fine, if we always scratch it, it will take a long time to get better.
The reason is that the human body has a certain self-healing function, and it will soon be better to be bitten by mosquitoes, and applying external forces will only be counterproductive.
The same is true of education. Stop, wait, give your child the opportunity to talk, communicate effectively with your child, and solve problems without education.
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The third thing: develop good habits in your child
Habits determine the fate of a child, and nothing is more important than habit formation.
If parents do not pay attention to cultivating their children's good habits, they are undoubtedly burying their children's bright future.
01 It all starts with habit building
Cultivation education is the education of a lifetime.
Intellectual education is a good habit of thinking, moral education is a small habit of behavior, and quality education is more reflected in people's small behavior.
It has been proven abundantly that habit is a tenacious force that can dominate a person's life. Everything about a child starts with habit formation.
02 Habit formation is not a day's work
Habit is a big problem, a big wisdom. The cultivation of good habits is not a day's work, its main principles are: low starting point, strict requirements, small steps, fast pace, multi-activity, change, fast feedback, diligent correction.
The key to habit formation is in the first three days, decided in a month. Parents should fully respect their children's rights and let their children play a master role in the formation of habits.
03 Cultivating character through habits
Education is like a ship on the sea, it must be on the right course, otherwise, the larger the ship, the more dangerous it is to sink.
The quality of people determines the direction of human development.
A core task of homeschooling is to train children to become real people.
However, the problem of personality cultivation is usually difficult to implement into specific operations.
However, researchers have found that habits and personality complement each other, habits affect personality, and personality affects habits.
Character such as decency, honesty, responsibility, love, spirit of cooperation, and efficiency can all be forged through habit cultivation.
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Fourth thing: guide children to learn
Attracting children to love learning and guiding children to learn is an important responsibility of parents, and it is also the real charm of parents.
01 There is a reason why children are bored with school
Let it go, let it be dashing, mess with the pipes, plant melons and beans, nag and fall, wantonly scold, replace the package, create "machines"... If parents take such unwise practices, they will only make their children less and less fond of learning.
Children's lack of love to learn is only a superficial phenomenon, and there must be a reason behind it: is it not developing good learning habits? Is it not possible to find what your child is best at? Is there no scientific brain? Are parents hindering their children's "playing in middle school" nature? It is the child who does not realize that learning is his own business... Finding the reason behind it may help children get out of the shadow of school boredom.
02 Children's intellectual curiosity and learning potential can be stimulated
Children's lack of curiosity is usually not the influence of parents or the lack of strict requirements, but the blocking of children's interests.
Interest (curiosity), dreams, sense of accomplishment, questioning, gratitude, motivation, anger, etc. are all channels that dredge and inspire children's curiosity.
For children, the so-called competitive advantage is that the potential is effectively developed.
Mood, enlightenment, hinting, reverie, hard work, and planning are the six principles that stimulate children's learning potential.
Although there is no absolute "timetable" for potential development, there are also steps, such as establishing goals, controlling emotions, sharpening the will, and focusing on one point.
03 There is a way for children to take the first exam
"Love to learn" is the premise of "learning", and "learning" is the guarantee of "love to learn", and "learning" can "learn well".
If children want to take the first exam, they must master some good methods that play a decisive role, such as: completing according to plan, writing carefully, reading textbooks slowly, sorting out wrong questions, taking notes at will, selflessly helping classmates, efficient examinations, and free composition.
We need to sit down and think and refine.
Educating children is not as complicated as parents think, grasping the three major things of parent-child relationship, habit cultivation, and learning, parents becoming outstanding parents, and children becoming outstanding children, it is not a distant dream.