When we have a child, the biggest expectation for the child is that in the future he can grow up and have his own world.
Some time ago, many mothers in the group of mothers were discussing when their children performed well, should they praise their children for being smart, or should they praise their children's efforts?
Some parents believe that they should praise their children for being smart, so that they can increase their children's confidence and give them the motivation to try other new things.
Some parents believe that their children's efforts should be praised, because only in this way can children avoid the arrogance of children and understand the importance and necessity of efforts.
Some psychologists say that when a child performs well, should he praise the child for being smart or hardworking? In fact, it is the embodiment of two kinds of thinking
Children behave well, praise children are smart or efforts vary greatly, you don't know it's late
Often praise the child as "smart", how the child will behave
A parenting expert, when talking about whether to praise his child's intelligence or hard work, talked about the way his neighbors taught his children.
He said his neighbors often praised their children for being smart, especially when they were doing better because of something, and he would praise them for their talent.
However, such praise did not usher in a virtuous circle, but made the child slack, so that the child felt that he was talented and intelligent and could do everything well.
After a certain test result came out, his son's results were very unsatisfactory, and he did not blame the child for it, but the child still developed a very strong sense of frustration and fell into self-doubt.
Because in the child's previous cognition, his talent is very high, such a failure should not be.
In fact, this kind of performance in psychology belongs to fixed thinking, many children because parents often praise them smart, they think that their talent is very high, so they also lose their enterprising spirit, only satisfied with their own "smart" this status quo.
Often praise the child's "effort", how the child will behave
So, often praise the child's efforts, what kind of performance will the child have? Mr. Wu used his child's experience to answer this question for us.
Mr. Wu told us that whenever his child behaves better, he will not skimp on his praise and will give affirmation to the child's behavior, but in the process, he will focus on praising the child's efforts and affirming the significance of the child's efforts.
The advantage of this is that children will learn the value of hard work from the praise of parents, and when they face new challenges in learning and life in the future, they will achieve the goals they have set through their own efforts.
Such a mode of thinking is called a growth mindset in psychology, and children with this mode of thinking will not be satisfied with the status quo, but will continue to improve their abilities in all aspects through their own continuous efforts, thus forming a virtuous circle.
From this, we can know that praising children, which seems to be a very simple thing, is actually hidden behind the university question, so parents must pay attention to the way they praise their children, because the exaggeration is not right, it may affect the child, and even cause a lifetime of harm to the child.
Praising children is a technical job, especially these points should be paid special attention to, see if it is done right?
It must be the process of the child's efforts
Now there are many parents who only pay attention to their children's achievements and ignore the efforts and efforts made by their children, which is very chilling in the eyes of children, and it is easy for children to have their own efforts meaningless psychology.
Therefore, we as parents should learn to affirm the process of children's efforts, even when the children's achievements are not so ideal, we must also affirm the children's efforts at this stage, so that children feel that their efforts during this time are meaningful, so that they can motivate children and let children make progress through continuous efforts to learn.
Of course, how to affirm the process of children's efforts also requires skills, parents should praise their children when praising their children, they should pay more attention to praising their children's efforts.
For example, how much practice the child has done during this time and how much time he spends every day learning, so that the child can feel the care and attention of the parents.
Don't overstate your child's grades
In the eyes of some parents, their children are the smartest and most excellent, so when their children achieve some results, such parents tend to over-praise their children's achievements, praise their children like geniuses, such behavior is of course beyond reproach, after all, their children have achieved results, and parents are naturally happier.
But in fact, too much praise for the results achieved by children is not good for the growth of children, perhaps in the eyes of parents, these exaggerated praises are just to make children happy "polite words", but in the child's mind is not so.
Some children will overestimate their abilities because of excessive praise from their parents, and even have a sense of pride and complacency, feeling that their learning ability is very strong, and over time, they will lack initiative.
Once hit, you fall into self-doubt and can't accept the reality of your failure.
Therefore, as parents, we must not exaggerate the achievements of our children too much to avoid making children feel fluttering.
Don't disparage your child's grades too much
Contrary to over-exaggerating children's grades, many parents also have the situation of excessively degrading their children's grades.
I remember when I was young, my father taught me this way, no matter how good my grades in the class, he would not praise me, but would use this to educate me, let me not achieve a little grade and float away, there are many people in this world who are better than me, your talent is just average.
Under the blow of my father, although I have always had good grades, in fact, I am very inferior in my heart, and even after I joined the work as an adult, I also have such a mentality.
Therefore, when we parents achieve certain results in children, we must not skimp on our own praise, and learn to affirm the results of our children's efforts, so that we can let children have confidence and motivation to further learn.
epilogue
Raising children is a very long process, as parents we must have patience, with the most scientific methods, to play the child's own potential.
(The pictures in this article are from the Internet, if there is infringement, please contact to delete)