There is a saying: "Educating children needs a kind of strength, to conform to the child's feelings and rhythms, the wrong direction and way of education, the child will knock you away." ”
In fact, most of the problems in children stem from the parents' unclear understanding of what to manage and what not to manage. When it is time to be strictly managed, it is not willing to be strictly managed, and it is accustomed to the child's stinky body, and it is impossible to let go when it is time to let go, which hinders the growth of the child.
In the matter of educating children, parents should do "five unaccustomed" and "three disregards", so that children can grow better and be more excellent in the future!
Five unaccustomed
1
Children can't get used to it without rules
As the saying goes, there are no rules and no squares. From an early age, if there is no rule formulated by his parents to restrain him, the child is easy to do whatever he wants, and he does not know how to judge whether his words and deeds are good or bad. The so-called freedom is to let the child free activities on the premise of rules.
Make rules as soon as possible, don't think that children are young, you can get used to it, now get used to it, and you can't control it when you want to manage it in the future.
Teaching children to understand social rules from an early age and clearly telling children what to do and what not to do will be difficult at first, but when children grow up, they will understand the pain of their parents.
2
Children cannot get used to not doing housework
Don't think that doing housework is dispensable, a child who does not do housework since he was a child, does not love labor, and wants him to suddenly become industrious when he grows up, it is impossible.
Parents blindly pampered and arranged substitution will not only reduce the child's happiness index, but also let unhealthy personalities such as "giant baby" and "ma bao" appear, affecting the child's life. Let the child turn the housework into a habit that is as natural as breathing air, which is the best wealth that parents can give their children to grow up.
If you are worried that your child will not be able to do housework, parents can help their child divide a "complex" chore into simple small steps. For example, when asking children to be responsible for wiping the table, they can be as step-by-step as below, and parents guide them in each step, and children feel simple and not easy to create chaos.
The steps to wipe the table split:
1. Put the items on the desktop neatly first;
2. Rub the towel in the bucket and wring it out;
3. Fold the wet towel in your hand neatly, put your hand on the towel, and then wipe the dust off the desktop;
4. Remind the child not to touch the items on the table;
5, the towel is dirty, scrub in the bucket again.
Some parents say, this is very simple, is it necessary to teach children? Necessary. Because adults have more life experience, not only do they know that towels should be wrung out, but things on the table should be pushed to the side and cannot be knocked down... But young children do not know at first, and need to slowly accumulate life experience under the guidance of their parents. After the step-by-step, the child feels uncomplicated, and they are more likely to have confidence to be competent, competent for housework, and will also bring more enthusiasm to the child to do housework.
Good habits should be cultivated from an early age, and parents should cultivate their children's habits of doing housework from an early age, so that children have the ability to take care of themselves, and cultivate the quality of children's hard work. This is of great benefit to the child's subsequent study, life and work!
3
Children cannot be used to disrespecting their elders
Now the children are the treasures of the family, there will often be a family of several elderly people around the child situation, some children are spoiled, to the elderly to drink, without the slightest respect.
Parents must not be accustomed to this, when the child appears to be no big or small or disrespectful to the elders, if the parents do not correct it properly, in the long run, not only will they develop the child's domineering and unreasonable personality, but also become an undesirable person in the group. Therefore, parents should let their children know that it is important to have a respectful heart, and polite children will make others feel happy and comfortable.
The reason why a child is not big or small is usually because of the following three reasons:
1. When your own opinions are at odds with others. A child's instinct is to take his own stand and ask others to accept his ideas. So they will speak to each other in a commanding tone in order to achieve their own ends.
2, the child wants to deliberately provoke, so that the adults who are high above feel the violation, behind the confrontation and resistance to convey not only "what they want", but there is a strong dissatisfaction and disobedience.
3, the heart is straight and fast, it is not clear what is an impolite way of expression, nor does it know that the other party may be uncomfortable or hurt when they hear it.
When the child appears to be small, as a parent, you can teach like this:
1. Tell your child the correct way to express it.
2. Isolate and calm down first.
3. Be a good model for children.
4. Patient guidance and learning.
4
Children cannot be selfish
Parents love their children, often willing to spend money on their children, not willing to spend money on themselves, when eating, children like to eat dishes parents want to leave all for their children, they are not willing to eat a bite.
Parents are so child-centered, in fact, it is easy to raise the child's selfish and selfish bad disease, what good things want to be their own exclusive, think that parents and even others have to let themselves for granted. Over time, the parents lose themselves, and the child takes it for granted that the parents have something to get there, so they only know how to take, do not know what to return, and do not think about caring for others and appreciating others.
If the child is selfish, parents can be guided like this:
1, do not meet the needs of children at will, which will make children lack of understanding of materials.
2, restrain the child's possessiveness, let the child know that things are not easy to come by.
3, things can be borrowed. Tell the child that things will be returned after they have been used, so that the child has the concept of sharing.
4, eating should be reasonably distributed. Many parents are accustomed to leaving delicious things for their children to eat, in fact, this is often harmful to children.
5. Have more contact with children. By playing with children, children can learn what cooperation is and what is sharing, so that children can become no longer selfish.
6. Play some roles. If the child is usually more selfish, parents can communicate with the teacher and let the child play some small roles to serve everyone.
7. Strengthen positive guidance education. Through storytelling, reading, etc., let children fully understand the disadvantages of selfishness, so as to change the bad problems of selfishness.
Parents should not only give their children love, but also teach their children to learn to give love, and let their children know how to be grateful.
A child who knows how to be grateful, he will appreciate what others have done for him, cherish everything he has received, and feel that it is both happy and happy to have everything in front of him.
5
Children can't get used to crying and playing
Educating children, parents must have principles, can not always compromise with their children, even if the children cry and play tricks, the number of parents to compromise more, will make children form a wrong judgment: as long as you insist on crying, you can always get what I want.
Parents satisfy their children without principle, so that they can get what they want at a moment's notice, which is to help him establish a wrong outlook on life and world order.
Parents should learn to firmly refuse the unreasonable requirements of their children, let the children understand the principles and bottom lines of adults, and after repeating them several times, they will naturally understand: unreasonable trouble cannot achieve the goal.
When a child cries and threatens, how to respond well?
1. Allow children to cry, without dissuading or compromising. Allowing children to cry and "empathizing" with children first is the first step to effective parent-child communication with children. Uncompromising is to tell children that the love of parents is unconditional but has a bottom line! You can choose to cry, but know that crying won't solve anything!
2. Guide children to think and divert children's attention.
3. Establish a good "behavioral intervention mechanism" to enhance children's self-control.
When a child cries, it is useless for parents to reason. This requires parents to establish a "behavioral intervention mechanism" in peacetime, such as the "little red flower" and "little star" sticker that the child likes.
When the child performs well and the sticker accumulates to a certain number, it can be exchanged for physical rewards or spiritual rewards, such as going to the amusement park together during the holiday. On the contrary, when the child is unreasonable and crying outside, we can remind him to do so, and the "little red flower" will be reduced and the corresponding reward will be canceled.
Compared with simple preaching, it is easier to stimulate children to actively and consciously control their emotions with rewards and punishments that children can understand. In fact, every time a child cries, he is calling for the love and help of his parents!
Three disregards
Don't care what your child can do on his own
Parents to cultivate their children's self-care ability, first of all, they must learn to let go and let their children do what they can, even if the child is actually causing you trouble when they do it.
But education is such a process, let go and let the child do it himself, the child will grow.
The choices your child can make don't care
Adults choose their own direction in life, and children also need to choose.
Parents should give their children the right and freedom to choose, and learn to choose what they wear and what to do when they are young.
When children grow up and face choices that can change their destiny, children can listen to their hearts and make the choices that are most suitable for them.
Leave your child's secret alone
True understanding is good communication with the child, is to go into the child's heart, not to spy on the child's privacy.
From the perspective of pedagogy, the move to independence is one of the basic characteristics of modern people, and having personal secrets and being able to dispose of them properly is the element of independence, for people, secrets are often linked to responsibility, and to be independently responsible. So, please allow children to have their own secrets and have their own little space.
Every child has the potential to become an excellent person, and it is the different daily education of parents that gives children a different life.
Parents with foresight know how to strictly manage when they should be strictly managed, so that children know what to do and what not to do; when they should let go, they are willing to let go, let the children learn to fly, bravely fight the wind and waves, this is the best love for children.
Source: The picture and text come from the network, invaded and deleted.
EDIT: Xiao Huang