Successful tutoring is closely related to the verbal expression of parents, especially the tone of parents talking to children, which will be related to children's emotional intelligence, IQ, temperament, cultivation... Have a profound impact.
Mr. Cai Yuanpei once wrote in the book "The Cultivation of Chinese":
What determines a child's life is not academic performance, but sound personality cultivation!
What should the right homeschooling be?
It is parents who should help their children build a good platform for life, so that children have a good personality cultivation, know how to be a person, and understand the true meaning of success. Only when parents' educational concepts have changed, can our children receive a good family education and benefit for life.
Successful tutoring stems from the relationship between parents and children, and the tone of voice affects the child's life.
1
On the Internet, there was a saying circulating like this:
"The so-called high emotional intelligence is to be able to talk."
The sign of an adult's maturity is reflected in the way he talks to people.
Successful social relationships, thanks to talking, and successful family relationships, why not?
Some netizens shared their own observations:
Once I went to my aunt's house as a guest, which coincided with Mother's Day, my cousin bought a large bouquet of flowers for my aunt with her pocket money that she had saved for several months in order to surprise her aunt.
Unexpectedly, the aunt scolded: "Where did you get the money?" I also buy this kind of thing that is not useful in the middle, and it is better to study well if I have the heart to engage in these things. Can't you just save a little bit and let me and your dad worry less about your snacks? ”
But I saw my aunt happily holding the bouquet of flowers, carefully inserting them into the beautiful vase of the house, with a satisfied smile on her face.
It is not that the aunt does not dislike the bouquet of flowers, nor does she not understand the child's intentions, but she uses the wrong way of expression, instinctively appealing, but in the eyes of the child, it is contempt and blow.
Such a situation is a realistic portrayal of how many families are today.
We are indifferent to the kindness of our children, but we always ruthlessly obliterate their goodness.
One survey of minors showed that:
The bad personality characteristics of children who are "often scolded" at home are the most obvious, with 25.7% of children having "inferiority", 22.1% of children being "cold", and 56.5% of children being "grumpy".
Jimmy said that the child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear the adults sneer at him.
Because the wounds are visible, and the wounds caused by scolding are invisible.
Parenthood does not require exams, but it is necessary to study and speak well, which is a compulsory course for every parent.
Parents who don't know how to talk well can't raise happy children.
We often say, "Speaking is an art, and words must be spoken well." ”
But family is often the most overlooked place for us, the stranger, the more polite and polite; the closer, the more careless.
Knowing that the other person will never blame us, we instead rush the knife of speech to our families.
The family is not indestructible, a happy family needs to be managed, and the happiness of a family begins with a good talk.
So, what kind of tone should parents use to speak to their children?
2
A tone of trust
Children especially want to be trusted by adults, especially parents, so show full trust when speaking to children.
For example, if a child wants to learn taekwondo, you say in a trusting tone:
"Children, as long as they study hard and study seriously, they will definitely be able to practice very well."
This invisibly gives the child a sense of self-confidence and makes him understand that only persistence can achieve success.
And in a sarcastic tone:
"You still want to practice taekwondo for three minutes like this?"
It will hurt a child's self-esteem and make him unconfident in his abilities.
3
Respectful tone
The best way to love children is to protect their children's self-esteem and give them enough "face" to have a positive and healthy self-awareness throughout their lives.
For example, do not criticize and deny children in public, and know how to save face for children.
Respecting children is something every parent should do, but in real life, not every parent can do it.
There is an issue of "The Boy Says" that is particularly infuriating.
The girl Ye Zhijing stood on the stage of courage and said her wish:
"Parents of other people's families, even if they have a big temper, will educate their children behind closed doors."
But you, on the outside, temper up, completely disregard whether there is anyone else next to you. ”
But her mother said with a straight face:
"On the outside, is the mother's face important, or the child's face is important."
Seeing this little girl's non-committal look, she suddenly felt pitiful for her, her requirements were not high, but she hoped that her mother would respect her and save herself a little face in front of outsiders.
However, her mother did not do this.
The British educator Locke once said:
"If parents do not publicize their children's faults (shortcomings), the more the children value their own reputation, they feel that they are famous people, and they will be more careful to maintain the praise of others;
If you publicly declare their faults and make them feel groundless, they will be disappointed, and the tools to punish them will be gone, and the more they feel that their reputation has been damaged, they will try to maintain the praise of others. ”
The way parents talk to their children and the tone of speech will have a profound impact on their children's emotional intelligence, IQ, temperament, cultivation and other aspects.
4
The tone of the discussion
Some psychologists say that after the age of 3, children are in a critical period of cultivating self-esteem and self-confidence, and parents should not criticize or count down children in public at any time, so that children feel disgraced, otherwise they will have a sense of inferiority from the psychology and affect the development of personality in the future.
In fact, "face" is the child's armor, with it, the child can cut through the thorns on the road of life and move towards a better tomorrow.
From the age of two or three, a child's sense of self begins to sprout, and this sense of self becomes stronger as you age.
The child has some of his own opinions, indicating that the child knows his own strength and ability.
When he puts forward his different views and demands, don't think that he doesn't listen to you, is working against you, and rudely opposes him.
If you ask your child to learn, but he still wants to play with his friends again, you can't lose your temper:
"The older you get, the more disobedient you become, and it's not good to study, depending on what you can do when you grow up."
Doing so will only make the child more averse to learning. A deliberative tone should be used:
"Then you play a little longer, but when you're done, you must learn."
The child accepted it.
Every child has self-esteem. Ask your child to do something, use a negotiable tone, and let him understand that he is equal to you and that you respect him.
For example, if you want your child to clean up the toys that are littered on the floor, you could say:
"Baby, toys are littered, what a bad habit, can you clean up the toys with your mother?"
Never use a commanding tone:
"How did you do it, toys are littered, hurry up and pack them up!"
Otherwise, when the child listens to your rebuke, he will feel disgusted in his heart, and even if he does what you ask, he will not be happy.
5
The tone of praise
Every child has strengths, has a desire to perform, and discovering the child's strengths and appreciating them will make him more willing to perform.
The child draws a picture, maybe the painting is not very good, but the child's enthusiasm and seriousness in painting are the biggest advantages.
When a child holds a picture to you, he cannot cope with a few words lightly:
"Draw well, practice well."
This will make children lose enthusiasm and confidence in drawing. His work should be affirmed in an appreciative tone:
"I can't imagine that my baby can draw so well, and if I continue to work hard, I will definitely draw better."
The child's desire for expression is satisfied, and with a happy emotional experience, he will be more interested in drawing.
6
Encouraging tone
It is impossible for a child to be free of fault.
When a child does something wrong, do not blindly criticize and blame, but help him to learn lessons in his mistakes, accumulate experience, and encourage him to succeed again.
For example, the child helped his mother to bring the rice bowl for the first time and fell to the ground and broke it.
You can't blame him:
"It's stupid to even hold a bowl unsteadily."
This will discourage the child's confidence and courage to try new things. An encouraging tone should be used:
"Accidentally broke the bowl, it doesn't matter, first try your fingers to burn it later."
In this way, it not only teaches the method of practice, but also gives the child the confidence to try again.
7
Parents need to provide a tolerant environment for their children to grow up, but no matter how much money you have, other people's babies are born to climb, and your baby will not be born to run.
In the face of the topic of life growth, money is meaningless, and the responsibility and wisdom of parents are everything.
As long as we have the heart and the brain, we will surely find the happiest, most interesting and most effective interactive games with the world, with the future, and with children.
And all these efforts will allow us to harvest a high-quality life.
Children's emotional intelligence and IQ depend on the words and deeds of parents, and cultivating a child who knows how to care for and respect others, integrity and honesty, has always been a difficult task.
Parents who will educate are the sunshine in their children's lives, which will invisibly bring warmth and light to their children.
Parents should create a good life platform for their children, so that children have a good personality cultivation, know how to be a person, and understand the true meaning of success.
Only when parents' educational concepts have changed, and only when parents speak well, can our children receive a good family education and benefit for life.
END
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