It is often said that "poor and lowly couples are in decline", many people think that the economy is not good, and the couple will definitely have many contradictions.
But in some marriages, when the economy is not good, two people can work together around a goal, support each other, care for each other, and the husband and wife are in love with each other.
It was not easy for the economy to improve, there were more contradictions between husband and wife, there were more disagreements, there were more quarrels.
Recently, Zhang Yang encountered such troubles.
Zhang Yang and his wife have been married for ten years, and their feelings have been good before, but in the past year, there have often been some skirmishes, and the couple has quarreled very badly.
The trigger of the quarrel was that the wife wanted to quit her long-term stable clerical job and become a "micro-businessman".
Zhang Yang disagreed, one is that he feels that micro-business is risky, worried that his wife will be deceived; the other is that he feels that he started from scratch before, his wife has suffered a lot with himself, and now he has a small improvement, he already has a company of his own, if his wife does not like the previous work, she can rest assured at home.
But the wife insisted on resigning to do "micro-business", the husband resolutely opposed, neither of them refused to give in, and every argument was fruitless.
A lot of times men think that what a woman wants is something she says, but it's often not.
Many women in the material life of satisfaction or even wealth, will put more energy into the relationship between husband and wife, hoping that their husbands will give more attention and love.
If the husband does not realize it in time or does not show love, the wife will express this need in various ways.
Some will tell their husbands directly, but more wives will express themselves in other ways, such as crying, arguing (or arguing), often asking their husbands for attention because they are unwell or other reasons.
Zhang Yang's wife just cleverly chose a very sensitive issue from her husband to get her husband's attention, which is a way of asking to be cared for, and it has little to do with which industry to turn to.
This way of acquiring love is understandable, but without realizing the need behind it, it is difficult to solve the problem and will lead to more conflicts.
Ms. Fang and her husband have been married for fourteen years, and when they got married, the man did not have anything, and after the hard work of two people, the living economy is much better now.
Since 2013, the husband and wife quarrel very badly, in the eyes of the husband, the wife does not understand herself, does not know how to respect herself, does not give herself freedom, and the phone text message is always scolding and complaining about herself.
The two people often quarrel over various small things, and finally have to choose to separate.
Now that the two have been separated for two years, there are still problems with communication, and the husband is very annoyed with Ms. Fang's phone and WeChat, whether it is family financial expenses or the health of his wife, he is too lazy to ask.
For this reason, Ms. Fang felt very cold and worried, and was even more worried about whether her husband did not love herself anymore, whether she had other women outside.
In fact, with the increase of marriage age, most husbands will spend more time on their careers, let their wives run the family, and will inadvertently reduce their attention and care for their wives.
When feeling neglected, the wife instinctively tries to change the situation in order to gain more attention from her husband.
Some people will adopt some constructive ways, such as knowing how to love themselves, leaving three points to love themselves when they love each other, and maintaining their unique charm; learning to let men feel his value in the family, knowing how to be spoiled, pretending to be stupid, and showing weakness; learning to communicate effectively, listening more and talking less.
Some people will take destructive ways to make men feel nervous, anxious, and get attention. This method may immediately get the other party's response, but it is destroying and consuming the original love between two people, tearing the connection between the two hearts.
Therefore, when there is an argument between two people at a certain time in the intimate relationship, both parties must reflect in time, take it seriously, and communicate positively.
And more importantly, it is necessary to see the needs behind the quarrel, only by understanding the needs behind it and using the appropriate way to meet them, the quarrel will be reduced; If this need is not met, it will emerge in other ways, and if it does not argue about this matter, it will argue about another thing.
Marriage counseling points out that there are two major factors behind the quarrel between two people in an intimate relationship: being threatened and being ignored.
Psychologists designed a special questionnaire to survey a group of men and women who quarreled, and found that there are two main reasons behind the quarrel:
One reason is to be aware of being threatened, including one partner being aware that the other is hostile, critical or complaining about themselves, and even trying to control themselves. For example, Ms. Fang's husband.
Another reason is to perceive neglect, including feeling that the other person is not doing what they expect him or her to do, or that the other person is not satisfied with their engagement. For example, Zhang Yang's wife.
When one party perceives being threatened or ignored, it instinctively feels emotional and causes disputes. This means that both being threatened and being ignored are associated with a unique set of emotions.
Therefore, when one party feels neglected, the best solution is that he or she can get an apology from the other party and then forgive him or her; when one party feels threatened, he or she prefers to see the other party show respect, appreciation, and less hostility toward him or herself.
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