What everyone needs most
It is the reason to "endure"
Wen 丨 Ai Lamb
01
A café guest found a boyfriend who was nearly 20 years younger than himself, and often complained to us about the various things that the little boyfriend was not. The most said sentence is "Bad temper is exactly the same as my ex-husband".
It is said that people are easy to like the same type, and I never expected to find a boyfriend compared to my ex-husband.
However, every time she said that she was exactly the same as her ex-husband, she could always find a supplement: "If it weren't for his young age, I wouldn't be able to bear it." ”
Think about it, since she couldn't stand her ex-husband, she naturally couldn't stand her boyfriend, but this boyfriend was much younger than her, which became a reason for her to endure.
Every time the two quarrel, she does not say much, and when the boyfriend is finished venting, she says quietly: "You have to control your emotions, you look like this, if you are in love with people of the same age, others can put up with you." ”
At this time, her anxiety about age disappeared, and she only felt that age was a good thing, allowing her to take in and warm a bad-tempered young man. Merit, merit.
The relationship is familiar, and we sometimes laugh at her that she is not looking for a boyfriend, but a son. She was not annoyed, and replied: "If people don't have character defects, they want to be babies, why are they with me when they are young?" ”
A woman like her, commonly known as "carrying clear", knows how many pounds she has, is not easy to be narcissistic, and will not think that the little milk dog is to figure her beautiful as a flower.
She knew that the little milk dog was with her to achieve emotional stability, income stability, and tolerance, so she used her strengths to the extreme.
As for the appearance, she did it herself, and she did not desperately try to make a fuss about the young, she knew that in the eyes of young people, really young and young people who came out of it could be distinguished at a glance, and the difference was really not too obvious.
The little boyfriend can tolerate her age because of her stability; she can tolerate the little boyfriend's temper and unreasonableness because of his youth.
This feeling of taking what it needs, if you throw away the pressure of the world, is stable.
02
Later, another café guest quarreled with her husband, and we advised her to endure and learn who to learn, and she replied: "He is not a small fresh meat, why should I put up with him?" ”
It's funny to think about. We used to think that two people together, the most important thing is the reason to love, but we didn't expect that in a few years, the chai rice oil and salt came down, but what everyone needed most was the reason to "endure".
This reason, can not be too hanging, need to be implemented to get the hand, speak out, is to really let the other party get the benefit, others will seriously tolerate you.
I remember that director Ang Lee once gave an interview, saying that people who are married must not relax, the most important thing in marriage is not love, but respect, you have to find a way to keep working hard, so that you have something worthy of the respect of your other half.
Respect is, of course, an elegant word, translated into the vernacular, that is, you have something in you that makes the other person willing to put up with you.
Life cures sentimentality. Don't say it, because I love you, so I can't bear to be afraid of you. Love this thing, not reliable.
03
A friend of mine got divorced by her parents, and her mother proposed it.
The reason is that her father has been the director of the factory all his life, and he used to flaunt his martial prowess at home, and her mother felt that she could endure it, because as the factory director's wife, she was still beautiful, and the family was also lively during the New Year's Festival, and all kinds of people were waiting for the New Year gifts, and a balcony was piled up.
The year before, her father retired, people walked in tea, and the family was not as lively as a year.
The key is that this old comrade still can't figure out the situation, still at home to set up the factory director style, clothes to reach out to eat to open her mouth and mouth not to say a good word, her mother endured for more than two years, and finally decided to rebel.
Since there is a rebellion, of course, the former hatred and the old hatred are all on the table.
The more her father listened, the more angry he became, and said, "I see that you are a snob, and I have no power now, so you can't look at me." ”
Her mother did not show weakness and replied, "You have no right to put a fart spectrum." You don't contribute to the family at all now, train us all day like training grandchildren, you say what do you rely on, can you make me a meal, or can you help me sweep the floor? ”
His father was so angry that he hadn't eaten for two days, and he got up in the middle of the night to sneak the next noodle and accidentally overturned the pot.
The family cleaned up the noodle soup in the middle of the night, and she was so angry that she didn't hold back, yelling at the old man: "This can't work, that can't work, do you always do it with your tail between your legs?" ”
Later, the marriage did not leave, because her mother was hospitalized with an emergency, and his father played a huge role in the busyness, so her mother found a reason to endure.
It is said that Libra is always in balance, in fact, human beings are a species of Libra per capita, and those who feel that they are always giving and do not find balance are excessive self-glorification.
Man, not changing requires a reason, and change also needs a reason.
We play tai chi every day in countless reasons, and all we want to grasp is a reason to endure, or a reason not to endure.
Finding a reason, whether you endure or not, is the right choice.
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Editor/Liu Xiaotao Review/Astro Boy
Girlfriend, February 2022
1.15 Yuanqi listed