My mother said to me yesterday, "If your boy doesn't break up with that female classmate before tomorrow, Lao Tzu will break your dog's leg!" "But it frightened me, tossed and turned all night, and today I was very reluctant to take the woman

My mother said to me yesterday, "If your boy doesn't break up with that female classmate before tomorrow, Lao Tzu will break your dog's leg!" "But it frightened me, tossed and turned all night, and today I reluctantly asked my girlfriend out and went to buy a dog together."

2, this day John was soaking his feet at home, suddenly a friend called him to go out to play, John wiped his feet out of the door, let his sister pour water. Who knew that john had just come downstairs, and a basin of water poured down from the upper floor, splashing John's body! John angrily went back to his sister and asked, "Did you spill the footwash downstairs?" The sister panicked and slyly argued: "No, no." John exclaimed, "Who are you lying to?" My own stinky feet smell, will I not be able to smell it? ”

3, the brother-in-law has been shrewd since he was a child, and he has a very good set of skills in doing things. He graduated from college in order to let his friends in the city experience rural life, and he made a farm experience package in his old home. From now on, you can make an appointment to register to cut rice, only 688 yuan registration fee can cut an acre of land, and the group can also enjoy a 40% discount! He stipulates that if you can't finish cutting one day, you can continue to cut the next day until you are happy to cut, pack 3 farm organic meals a day, live in a farmhouse villa, and the top 5 who cut wheat fast also send a sickle!

4, catch the subway out of the community entrance there is a taxi up. Tell the driver master: subway station. After a while the car did not move. Just ask him why don't you leave? The master said to me: Wait a minute, there is a fool who has made an appointment to go to the subway station, and he has not come out yet. Then he picked up the phone to contact. My phone rang in the back seat...

5, male: "Dear, pay the salary to go to hi pi pi together at night, right?" Female: "Good! Just today the great aunt is coming, you are so blessed! M: "By the way, I'm going to work overtime tonight, and I'll ask you out in a few days." Woman: "Well, my aunt brought a lot of delicious food from my hometown, and I went to find someone else to share it with." Male: "Tease you!" No overtime tonight. Female: "I'm teasing you too, really big aunt is coming!" ”

6, there is a restaurant downstairs in my house, the hostess is particularly beautiful, one or two to mix up. Every time I go to dinner, I deliberately provoke her: take you to the bar at night, can't you walk? She always laughed and didn't answer. Last night I asked a girl online to go to dinner together. At the checkout, the hostess came to say: Won't you take me to the bar tonight? The girl turned around and left... Hostess, did you mean it or was jealous!

7, there is a flight attendant in the airline, because she looks beautiful, so colleagues around her like to call her goddess. Ever since I came to the company, she had to let me call her naughty goddess. After a long time, I asked her to go to dinner with me, but every time I came out to play, she took her girlfriend with me. It upset me until one time I went out to play just when it was raining and wet my clothes. Then the three of them stayed in a hotel and I understood why I called her Naughty Goddess....

8, last night I ate field snail durian at home, after the meal suddenly felt super pain in the stomach and vomited up and down diarrhea. After the boyfriend saw it, he immediately sent it to the hospital, and the back dripped a little better, and I vaguely remembered that the snails and durians had not finished eating, and it was not good to eat when they were cold. I held back my saliva and began to ask, "When will I be able to go home, and I haven't finished eating the snail pot yet?" Then the doctor heard it and said angrily, "Still eating?" Do you still eat? Do you dare to eat it after eating like this? ”

9, just graduated in the internship period, the salary is very small, a while ago talked about a girlfriend, usually spend money is particularly unrestrained. Every time I dated her, I spent more than half a month's salary, so I had to wait half a month to ask her out again. Today, my girlfriend asked me angrily, "Why don't you come to see me?" I plucked up the courage to tell the truth: "I... I...... I look down on you. ”

10, this year 24 years old, there are two sets of villa housing in Haikou almost 5 million, in Sanya there are five sets of façade houses, a year rent of more than 400,000, parents are old now can earn a year can also earn three or four hundred thousand, I have a monthly salary of 4,000, open BYD, please ask me now to change a Mercedes-Benz pressure?

1 the boss took me to a blind date, the girl's mother was also present, the girl asked me how much I earned a month, the boss preemptively said: "This monthly salary of 9,000, is a bonus or something, 100,000!" "Tell you, my monthly income is only 5,000, the boss is clearly lying, and this cowhide is blowing up, I quickly said: "Not so much, only 5,000." The girl suddenly scolded me angrily and said, "Listen to the boss, don't interject!" "How I feel something is wrong.

12, I don't understand the TV in the ancient heroes of the past is two pounds of sauce beef a pot of good wine, at least three meals a day in front of the eyes, two pounds of sauce beef more than a hundred yuan, a pot of wine even if ten yuan, more than ten thousand a month, but also often generous Zhou to help the poor people, I really want to ask what they do

13, the prisoner received a letter from his wife: you are in prison, our family's acres of land have not been turned over, the in-laws can not move, I am not in good health, but also have to see the children. The prisoner replied: Don't plough the ground, there are guns buried in the ground. A month later, my wife wrote back: The police came

14, the best life is to be willing to live a life of peace and security. Life, can never be copied, pain is just a heart-rending experience, let people be stronger, more cherished; years, never look back, giving up is a helpless choice, let the heart be clearer and more persistent; life, can never be restarted, despite the difficulty, although there are tears, there are sunrises, there are sunsets, the scenery is always on the road, happiness is always in the heart.