1, one night outside to drink a lot, when I went home I forgot the corridor password, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu."

1, one night outside to drink a lot, when I went home I forgot the corridor password, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu!" The security guard said, "Prove it to Lao Tzu." I shouted, "Beanie." A dog's head popped out of the balcony, and I said, "Bark." "So Bean Bean shouted, causing the next door to be called, causing the black back to cry on the other side... In the blink of an eye, the community was noisy, and the lights were lit. The security guard wore his suit and said, "This proof is too noisy and powerful." "Hurry up and open the door!!!!!

2, my girlfriend has been arguing with me all kinds of unreasonable things recently. I was a little confused, my brother apologized for a while, but I don't know why. She didn't argue with me and called me all day. I couldn't stand it, so I asked why. When I asked, I found out that the basis of her quarrel was: you are talking quietly on the phone, it is your heart that is weak!! You speak loudly because I am ashamed and angry because I have exposed the fact about you!!

3. When climbing the mountain, I met my ex-wife, and I didn't say a word, silently following behind her ass. After a while, she stepped aside and said: You go first, you have to live and go fast! I asked her what was wrong? She said: I now have two little people in my head, one who says left foot and one who says right foot, and both tell me to kick you down the mountain. "

4. Take a day off, please ask the factory director for approval! The next day, the man received a reply: "Disagree! The man had a clever move: "Just change your disagreement to consent!" "Just do it, and quickly change it." The man took the application for correction and went to the workshop director to continue the leave procedure. Director: "There's something wrong with you!" Man: "What a problem, the factory director did not object!" Director: "If the factory director agrees, he will write: Agree!" But certainly will not write: disagree that that is impossible to drop! ”?

5. Early this morning I saw the little secretary nibbling on a thick and strong carrot in his hand. I smiled and asked her, "Oh, how do you eat turnips in the morning?" The little secretary smiled and said, "You don't understand, eat it, when the meeting starts, you can leave early!" Curious, I asked, "What do you mean?" The little secretary blushed and said, "The boss said that when the meeting was held, you had something to leave, I can understand, but you at least have to fart!" ”

6. On this day, I bought a lottery and planted a 5 million grand prize. Reporter interviewed me: This gentleman, may I ask you, after you planted the grand prize, what is the brother thing you want to do? I said: One thing to do is to empty your wife's shopping cart! The reporter asked: Then what is the second thing you want to do? I suddenly cried and said to the reporter: My brother has not finished a single thing, and he has no money to do the second thing...

7. The female crab sees a male crab walking not horizontally but straight. She thought this gentleman was so different, I wanted to fall in love with him. So the female crab confessed to the male crab. The next day she noticed that her boyfriend, like other crabs, was running rampant. She asked, puzzled, "Didn't you go straight yesterday?" "Honey," replied the male crab, "I can't get so drunk every day." ”

8. My father-in-law borrowed 50,000 yuan from me, and he said, "I'm too lazy to write an IOU, so let's take a video to prove it!" "He put the phone next to him and started shooting, I took 50,000 pieces from my wallet, counted them and handed them to him, he took it and put it in his handbag. Then he left, and I thought it was not right, and called him: "You sent me the video!" Then my father-in-law sent it over, upside down, and in the video he took 50,000 out of his handbag and handed it to me, I took it and counted it, put it in my wallet.

9. My ex-wife once had a caesarean section, and she kept it a secret from me. After I knew it, I was particularly angry and divorced her despite the opposition of my family. Within a few days, I got along with a single female colleague at the company. On the day the two of us got married, she brought a small bottle. It was said that in the days to come, every time she cried, she would drop a drop of water into the bottle. If I wait for one day, the bottle is full, and the heart must be dead, and I will leave me without hesitation. Last week I secretly poured two large spoonfuls of water into that bottle, only to be seen by my wife..."

10. At the time of the driver's license test, the coach that my brother saw once took out fifty yuan and said to me: Go and buy me two packs of Chinese. I went to the supermarket to find out that a pack of Chinese cigarettes 55! No way, I paid for it myself. It is impossible to wait for the coach to pay back the money. After taking the driver's license for half a year, I accompanied my wife to the driving school. The coach asked me: New here? I replied: Yes, please take more care of the coach! The coach skillfully pulled out fifty yuan: buy me two packs of Chinese to go! Then I went home with the money and was ready to go again in a while.

11. Studying at MIT, there is a single guy in the dormitory. When he returned to his dormitory after class today, he kept talking dirty. I asked him curiously what was going on, and he said that in order to find a girlfriend, he wanted to choose an elective with more girls in class. Then he chose "women's studies", and today when he entered the classroom, all the masters, only the teachers were women!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #