1. More than ten years ago, my aunt went to Beijing to sell cold skins, couldn't find a stall, and was introduced to be a nanny. The old man is alone, his sons and daughters are all working in the United States, and the aunt has been serving for five years!

1. More than ten years ago, my aunt went to Beijing to sell cold skins, couldn't find a stall, and was introduced to be a nanny. The old man is alone, his sons and daughters are all working in the United States, and the aunt has been serving for five years! The old man died, the son and daughter came back to finish the funeral, and said to the aunt: "Thank you for taking care of my father, we discussed it, this set of courtyard you give 200,000, we sold it to you, we will not come back once in several years!" The aunt pretended to be reserved and pretended to refuse. It turns out that I am still a nanny...

2. Do not disturb, the male guest came out and began to introduce himself: "I deal with the land all day!" In an instant the lights went out six. Male guest: "I don't have a stable high salary!" Then the lights went out eight more. Male guest: "I'm not going to buy a house yet!" Finally, the lights were all out. The host hurried to round the field: "I think many people look down on our peasant brothers, thinking that they have no money and no house, which is an extremely wrong idea!" Male guest: "Interrupt, I'm not a farmer, I'm a real estate developer." ”

 3. When I went to take the subway, I saw a fashionably dressed aunt and a daughter who had been praising her. The returnee elite, with an annual salary of one million, is also married to the son of a wealthy businessman. It's full of envy and jealousy! I couldn't help but ask my aunt: "Auntie, that minimum guarantee seems to have been issued on the 15th, right?" The aunt said: "You are wrong, it has been changed to the 10th before the distribution!" ”

4. Daughter-in-law gave birth to a son, the family are very happy, relatives and friends are also with the gift, when I see the gift money of the old Song who lives next to the gift, I feel a chill in my heart, the neighbor old Song actually gave 10,000 yuan with the gift, this is not normal, the usual friends are 600 yuan, I think it is difficult to have any hidden feelings? I hurriedly asked my daughter-in-law if she knew about this situation, and my daughter-in-law said what should I do? Some time ago you went on a business trip, he borrowed 9400 yuan from me, 600 yuan with gifts, isn't this just right?

5. Today I suddenly remembered a troublesome incident in that year, and I was in a hurry, asking a female colleague to borrow a thousand yuan, and I wanted to say: When I withdraw the money, I will pay you back. As a result, an excited speech was: When I have money, I will marry you. Without thinking about it, she agreed to it in one bite... Now when there was a quarrel, she took out an IOU and asked me to pay it back. I was surprised, why my private money can be found anywhere, a piece of paper I looked for 8 years hard to find!

6. My mother asked the matchmaker to introduce me to a girlfriend, I looked very pretty, I agreed to go on a blind date, the matchmaker patted me on the shoulder and smiled and said: "You married her, absolutely worth it!"

Me: "It's good to be able to get married and live a life, but why do you think it's absolutely worth it?"

The matchmaker said, "Not only can she be your wife, but she can also be your bodyguard because she is a martial artist."

My face was black when I heard it, and such a wife would dare to either...

 7. I asked the school flower, "What industry do you work in now?" School Flower: "I am dry in the service industry!" Me: "What is the specific work, another day to go to the scene!" The school flower said lightly: "Doing our business is not allowed to have feelings with guests, you still don't want to go." I thought that the school flower couldn't look at me, so I got angry and said, "I haven't seen any industry that doesn't allow you to fall in love with a guest!" The school flower said, "I put makeup on the customers at the crematorium..."

8. When I went to work at Shunf Express, our supervisor took special care of me. Yesterday I was busy sending couriers, busy feet without touching the ground. The supervisor smiled and said to me: Tired or not? Shall I give you an hour off? I was stunned: No, it's only been half an hour since I went to work. Supervisor: In fact, your wife called the unit and said that you couldn't get through the phone, you locked her at home in the morning, she let you go home and die, we were all waiting to see the play!

9. Recently, a lady Apple 7 mobile phone fell on the taxi, the brother and the woman contacted, during the contact process, the lady promised to give the brother 300 yuan honorarium, the brother is very happy, so he gave up his business to send a mobile phone to this lady. Although the lady promised to give 300 yuan in remuneration, after the brother went to the place designated by the lady, the lady repented and only gave the brother 100 yuan. The brother disagreed, and a dispute broke out between the two sides. The lady was angry, so she called her husband, and during the dispute, the lady's husband actually beat up her brother. The brother felt very wronged. What do you think about this?

10. Since the elder sister gave birth to a brother and had a little nephew, the brother-in-law's brother-in-law's one thing after work every day is to wrap up his son and kiss him. Today he smelled the smell of the child's body, it was very bad, and the brother-in-law asked his son: Baby, why does it smell bad on the body? I didn't think that the little baby cried directly, very inexplicable, the brother-in-law asked: Baby, Daddy did not hit you, blame you, what are you crying! His son replied: Dad, I am expired! Brother-in-law helpless: It's time to take a shower.

11. This evening, I had a barbecue with the old irons at the stalls. I was very excited to see the three college students at the table next to me talking about ideals, talking about the future, and talking with flying eyebrows. Kindly I stepped forward to remind: Students, from the moment you step into the society, you will find that what you are talking about now is a fart, don't ask why, explain that you can't understand! After saying that, I picked up my mobile phone and said to the screen: Old irons, if you think I'm right, the little gift brush up...

12. The Mother of Dragons collected seven Dragon Balls and summoned the Dragon home to go through the divorce procedures. Looking at the divorce certificate, the dragon said to the mother of dragons, "In the future, if there is a suitable one, introduce me to one!" The Mother of Dragons asked, "What are the requirements?" Shenlong: "My house and car deposits are all given to you, and the other party can have a house." The Mother of Dragons asked, "Isn't it considered to take the child with you?" The dragon said, "Okay, I like children." Dragon Mother: "There is a ready-made one, I will meet it!" Shenlong immediately took her hand and pleaded, "Wife, give me another chance, I promise this is the last time!" The Dragon Mother looked at the Dragon Deeply and tenderly and said, "No! ”

 13. Two male colleagues chatting together.

Colleague A: I'm getting married.

Colleague B: Really? congratulations! Actually, I'm getting married.

Colleague A: Really? Let's go and ask the manager for a leave of absence.

Colleague B: Good!

Colleagues a, b: Manager, we, are getting married.

Manager: Oh. Well?

 #Funny paragraph # #搞笑 #