1, a few old classmates came, chose a seafood restaurant, ordered a few large crabs, after weighing, the husband swept up, very fat, and broke off one of the legs of a crab. After the crab is on the table, husband

1, a few old classmates came, chose a seafood restaurant, ordered a few large crabs, after weighing, the husband swept up, very fat, and broke off one of the legs of a crab. After the crab was on the table, the husband looked for the crab with missing legs, and a miracle happened, and the four crabs were actually complete. The head chef was called, the store manager apologized for this phenomenon, and the meal fee was 30% off...

2, at one o'clock in the morning, the mother helps her daughter cover the quilt and prepares to turn off the lights. The daughter suddenly trembled and said: Mom, there is someone under my bed! The mother did not believe it, and when she looked down, there was really a girl under the bed who was exactly like her daughter. The mother looked at the girl under the bed in shock. The girl tugged at her mother's sleeve and said in a trembling voice: Mom, there is someone in my bed! In the end, the mother beat up the twin daughters!

3, I asked my mother for money to get a haircut, and my mother went outside to get a haircut to spend 15 yuan too expensive, so she didn't give me money. Mom said that she gave me a care, and she said that when I was young, I studied beauty salon for three years to ensure that my hairstyle was cool and the return rate was high. I thought to myself, I can save money and cut a beautiful hairstyle, why not enjoy it, so I let my mother straighten it out. Looking at the polished bald head in the mirror, I shed tears of regret, and my mother actually said: Fortunately, the hand is not born...

4, in the afternoon, the sea king took his son to the barber shop to get a haircut, and the sea king still had something to do in the afternoon, so he cut his hair first and let his son get a haircut. The sea king said to the barber: I will go out to run errands after I have a haircut, and let my son wait for me here for a while. Unexpectedly, Neptune forgot his son after doing his business, and Neptune came home to see his son watching TV. Aquaman: How did you get back? Son: He wouldn't let me go, I couldn't hold back my pee, so I had to say that you were a liar, not my father, and he let me go. Aquaman: ...

5, remember a business trip to take a long-distance bus on the bunk, halfway to the service station when the urine is unbearable, casually pick up the pulsating empty bottle, sideways began to secretly solve, can you think of the bottom bunk girl enthusiastically told me that your drink leaked when I was embarrassed expression? Almost scared to spill myself!

6, daughter: "Dad, do you have any books that are a little scary to show me?" Dad: "There's a copy, but it's so scary that I've rarely read it!" Daughter: "What book?" Dad said with tears in his eyes, "Marriage certificate..."

7, almighty friends, help to see what is wrong with this, 2011 Sagitar 16L, usually normal can be fired, occasionally can not be beaten like this, and most of them appear in the hot car, the battery has just been changed, the tubing is fired when there is oil spray, spark plug is not changed for a long time, computer detection is no problem, and wait for a few minutes and then try to play can be played, specific play several times without regularity. There have also been a few times when the fire suddenly turned off at low speeds, and then it couldn't be hit. I went to 2 repair shops, but there was no problem on the spot, and I wasn't sure what was wrong.

8, just now a girl I liked for a long time flashed her eyes and asked me: "That, do you have a girlfriend?" I mean if not," I thought to myself, "I can't let her look down on me, think I'm a man that no one wants, so I interrupted her flatly: "Of course! How could I not have a girlfriend! ”

9, the boyfriend went to buy egg tarts, the saleswoman asked: "What do you want to taste?" The boyfriend of the second goods saw that the saleswoman was beautiful and said: "Is there any femininity?" The saleswoman replied: "I am feminine in one bite, and my husband can make a manly taste." ”

10, can tie a woman is not necessarily love, but care. Enjoying the care of others is indeed addictive. That's why "love you" always beats "what you love", because the needs of human nature are essentially the same: we come into this world alone to find someone who can be good to ourselves

11, a few days ago on business, I stopped a taxi. The driver kept bragging to me about how good he was at driving. Me: "Just say don't practice the fake style!" Drift a try! "The voice did not fall, I slammed my whole body on the car window, and saw that the scenery outside was changing rapidly, fast blurring... After stopping, I applauded the driver: "This drift is terrible!" The technology is in place! Driver: "Frozen, just the car slipped!" You get out of the car, I'll have to go home and change my pants."

12, to go on a business trip, a few local friends are very warm to entertain me, after dinner, I want to go back to rest, but they mysteriously told me that they have arranged a program for me to take me to achieve a small goal in life. After saying that, he also showed a rippled smile. There has always been a thief who has no thief's guts, and this is finally going to be realized, and I think about it with a burst of joy in my heart. But who can explain, for Mao to bring me to the chess and card room!

13, my brother said he was going to travel for two months, so I immediately took the whiskey to find my sister-in-law. When I arrived at the door, I found that my brother had not left yet. They quarreled, and my brother said: In any case, men make the right decisions and judgments, but women do the opposite. My sister-in-law retorted: I admit this, that is, it is absolutely correct for you to choose me as your wife, and it is a big mistake for me to choose you as my husband. It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong, what should I do now?

14, I am a waiter in a rice noodle shop, during the work by a male customer confessed, I politely refused. Unexpectedly, he did not give up and insisted on sending me roses every day. I don't like to take things from others in vain, but I don't want to make the relationship too awkward. So every day he delivered flowers on time, and I sent him a red envelope of 100 yuan on time. Until today I learned that this product had a girlfriend and opened a florist.