Author | Petite clouds
8-year-old child, how will you react when you receive a love letter from a classmate?
The dad was "frightened" to stutter.
Dad drove to pick up his daughter from school, but the daughter took out a square paper seal and asked Dad to guess what it was. Dad looked at it casually and said he didn't know.
The daughter excitedly opened the handmade paper buckle, opened it layer by layer, and said: "This is a love letter, given by a boy in the class..."
I saw that on the pink page, the girl's name was written on the left, and the right side was written "I love you",
Dad exclaimed, "Oops... My mother...",
Although there is no comment, the tone is complicated.
Children who are a few years old actually receive love letters, which caught their parents off guard.
Too many parents believe that their children are still developing physically, their minds are more immature, and that expressing love for the opposite sex or loving the opposite sex is very far away.
However, the love for the opposite sex has been in early childhood, and the germination of inner emotions is also uncontrollable to children.
The child's "early love" is different from what parents think
Hu Ping, an expert in children's sex education, said: "Human love will go through two stages of development.
The first stage of love is asexuality, and the love of this period does not carry sexual impulses, but only allows children to experience the emotions of love between the opposite sex. ”
The first stage refers to prepuberty. At this time, the child's love for the opposite sex is only emotional.
They do not think too much about external conditions like adults, because sexual development is still very naïve, there is no sexual impulse, and they just want to simply stay with their loved ones.
In the movie "Childlike Heart Like Fire", the boy Kaiwu first met the city girl Su Zhizhi and fell in love with her.
Su Zhizhi also liked the brave and courageous Kaiwu.
When Su Zhizhi encountered something, he immediately thought of asking Kaiwu to help, and Kaiwu was of course happy to help. And what difficulties Kaiwu had, Su Zhizhi also silently remembered in his heart, and tried to help him.
Kaiwu learned to ride a bicycle with his companions, and his companions' heads were broken. Su Zhizhi was worried that Kaiwu would also fall, so he secretly gave him his own helmet, and Kaiwu took the helmet given by his beloved girl and his heart blossomed.
Throughout the summer, Kaiwu often rode a bicycle to take Su Zhizhi through the fields, and she sat in the back seat to hold an umbrella for Kaiwu. And this is the happiest time for both of them.
Seeing that the summer vacation is almost over, he is ready to return to the city to go to school. On the day of leaving, Kaiwu picked a handful of her favorite lotus, waited for her at the entrance of the village, and under the eyes of the adults, the two children agreed with each other that they must meet again next summer.
Kaiwu and Zhizhi like each other, and there is no adult guidance, nor is there premeditation in their minds, but at the right time, the emotions that naturally arise in their hearts throbb.
It is the inevitable experience of the child's life growth, but also the preparation and preparation for future marriage and love, and it is the "early practice" of love under the guidance of the heart.
However, too often, parents treat it like an adult, or stop it from developing in the name of loving their children, which ultimately brings harm.
The reaction of parents affects the child's concept of marriage and love
On Weibo, a mother complained that her daughter had received a love letter.
It turned out that an 8-year-old boy asked his classmates to hand over several notes to his daughter, all of which were his confessions: "I love you, I love you super..."
The mother discovered the love letter her daughter received, surprised that the other boy was "too unrestrained", and thought that such a repeated confession was an offense to her daughter.
The mother wants to talk to the boy's parents to prevent him from continuing to "fool around", but she is afraid of being told to make a fuss.
In fact, the parents' blame and obstruction will make the children misjudge the original normal behavior and deny the true feelings in the heart, resulting in the child's inability to face the emotions between the opposite sex in the future, forming a wrong or distorted view of marriage and love.
There is such a post on Zhihu.
Female netizens have never been in love, and a male colleague with a good feeling showed her kindness, she liked it in her heart, but avoided it in behavior.
If the girl looks at the male colleague more often, she will feel a sense of guilt in her heart;
When the male colleague looked at her, she silently warned herself: "No, avoid, can't be told that I am frivolous." ”
The girl's yes-and-no attitude frustrated male colleagues. Soon after, he gave up, and the girl was sad for a long time.
In fact, it is difficult for girls to get along with the opposite sex freely, either because they are worried about the other party's intentions or be afraid of being said to be improper. And seeing her friends playing with the opposite sex, she felt more and more that she had a problem.
And her problems are not unrelated to her mother's education.
When she was a child, there were often little boys who played with her, and her mother was not good at driving others away, so she told her privately:
"This boy has an intention for you, you two play together is not good, don't learn improperly at a young age..."
Slowly, girls began to avoid contact with the opposite sex, and until they became adults, they could not make friends of the opposite sex normally, and even dared not face normal love.
There is a saying in the book "Understanding Virginity": "Children will not be hurt when they normally experience emotional early love, and adults will only cause children to be hurt by ridicule, ridicule, denigration, attack and disrespect for children's love." ”
Children experience love, and parents' worries also follow, fearing that children will be hurt, bad learning, and affect learning. However, what negatively affects or even hurts children is often the way parents respond.
When a love for the opposite sex is born, the child will be confused, and he longs for his inner feelings to be confirmed and guided. If parents report a negative attitude, it will impact the child's inner true feelings, he will be disappointed, he will deny himself, and he will label self-performance as "bad".
More importantly, this affects the formation of the wrong standard of marriage and love by the child, and the wrong standard will lead to the wrong behavior. Ultimately, let the child take a detour in the relationship.
And the only thing that can make children pass through this node of life smoothly is respect.
Love knocks on the door of the child's heart, and the parents must be able to hold the bottom
Experiencing emotions of the opposite sex means that the child is growing, and the parents' calm, accepting and respectful attitude is the care and promotion of growth.
1. Respect and acceptance, so that children have more positive experiences.
Parents always believe that their children's nature is good, and by accepting and respecting this growth phenomenon, children will gain more positive experiences.
In a video on the Internet, the 10-year-old girl received her first love letter, written by a boy in the same class.
Dad was happy when he found out, thinking, "This is a good thing, it proves that my girl is very good." ”
The father's acceptance made her daughter take the initiative to open her heart, and she shared that the boy was very concerned about her and had sent flowers last time. This time, he confessed to the whole class.
Originally, she didn't feel bad, but because she knew it everyone, she was embarrassed.
When the father saw his daughter, he did not resist or intervene too much, but only comforted her:
Don't be embarrassed, just get along with him and your classmates the way you used to.
Then, dad praised the boy, praising him as a persistent and persevering child.
The daughter was also suddenly cheerful, and immediately said: In the future, I will treat him as a good friend.
The father first affirmed his daughter's current experience, saying that it was a "good thing", and then, he clarified his daughter's willingness to not contradict, respected and gave her the opportunity to respond on her own.
And the daughter can face the heart, face this emotion with a normal attitude, and try to grasp the relationship between the sexes, for the child, this is a very important life experience that cannot be learned from books.
2. Let the child know the boundaries of behavior.
Parents respect the law of the development of their children's emotions, but they must also draw a line for his behavior and avoid the child from doing wrong things due to ignorance.
First of all, when you are a child, you must do sexual enlightenment education for your children and know the difference between boys and girls.
The basic difference between boys and girls lies in their gender characteristics, and they are the private parts of the child, that is, the part covered by the pants of the boy and girl, and the chest of the girl.
Except for parents, private parts should not be exposed to anyone, let alone touched, and if someone wants to see or touch these parts, they should be seriously and loudly rejected.
If someone invites them to watch or touch the other person's private parts, they should also immediately refuse, then quickly leave the scene and tell their parents.
Second, avoid being alone with the opposite sex in an enclosed space. If you want to go out and play with them, you need to be accompanied by an adult.
If you want to express your love in the form of physical contact, such as hugging, holding hands, etc., you need to ask for the consent of the other party. If the other person kisses or hugs without consent, be brave enough to refuse:
"I don't like it when you do that... Please don't do this to me again. ”
Tell your child that the above is a personal behavior line, and you can't break it just because you like someone. Only by guarding the boundaries between oneself and the other party can the relationship be better and longer-lasting.
Finally, if the child is in contact with netizens, bad teenagers or adults in society, such emotions often lose their innocence, and parents should detect and intervene early to avoid the child being hurt.
3. Tell your child the difference between sex and love.
Children express joy between each other, often by marrying or having a baby to promise each other, and even imitate the love of adults, and commit inappropriate behavior.
This requires parents and children to figure out what it means to get married and have a baby.
My 6-year-old son said to me, "Mom, I want to marry Sissi and have a baby." ”
I told him that although you like Sissi a lot, you can't marry her and have a baby yet.
Marriage and birth of a baby can not wait until adulthood, because when you give birth to a baby, you must feed him, buy him milk powder, clothes, which requires you to have the ability to earn money and have an economic foundation.
In addition, giving birth to a baby is a combination of sperm and egg, they are in the body of boys and girls, only until they mature, can give birth to a baby.
Now your body is not well developed, and you do not have the ability to have a baby.
Children understand what is allowed and what cannot be done, and with the respect and acceptance of parents as the premise, children can get through smoothly and parents will be at ease.
Parental success lies in the ability of children to deal with problems independently and intelligently.
This requires parents to be prepared with relevant knowledge and dare to let go. Children have the opportunity to experience, and when it is time to fall in love and get married, they will not turn a blank slate in the emotions of the two sexes.
Under the premise of safety, allowing children to conform to the ebb and flow of inner emotions, parents neither exert force nor walk away. Patiently and with love accompany him through.
In this way, the child will not only gain valuable experience, but also learn the ability to manage happiness.
——End——
Author: Jiaoyun, who uses words to heal himself and please others. Some of the pictures in this article come from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.