The truth about depression? | counselor tells you

-01-

"All my interests have disappeared, I don't want to do anything, even my former favorite paintings, I can't get interested anymore!"

"I don't want to see anyone, my best friend doesn't want to see me, and I don't have the strength to connect to the phone now!"

"I used to like to clean my house and paint myself a nice makeup, but now I don't even bother to wash my face!"

"I stutter now, I used to speak fluent English, now my memory and attention are gone"

"I have trouble sleeping, overeating, chest tightness and headaches,......"

"My family doesn't understand me, thinks I'm lazy, my friends say I think too much, say I'm too pretentious, no one can understand my pain, the vitality of life is disappearing from my body little by little, I'm constantly sinking, I feel like I'm gradually becoming a plant." 」

……

In fact, you are not lazy or pretentious, and you are not thinking too much, you are just sick.

Depression is a group of symptoms, different people behave differently, the most important core manifestation is weakness, feeling that all the strength in the body is disappearing, such as attention, memory, willpower, desire for sex and so on.

The second is a variety of disorders, such as sleep disorders, some people show that they go to bed late and wake up early, and some people will be sleepy and have eating disorders. Some people show no appetite, gradual weight loss, and some people will overeat.

The third is physical discomfort, some people have chest tightness, headaches, heart discomfort, numbness in hands and feet, mild self-harm and suicidal ideas, with the aggravation of depression, suicidal ideas will gradually increase.

-02-

Reading this, many people will be confused, why are people depressed?

In years of counseling experience, it has been found that depression is actually a somatic expression of excessive suppression of negative emotions!

Depressed people often have two characteristics, one is a low sense of self-worth, and the other is habitual control, repression, and avoidance of negative emotions. These two points must exist at the same time, and only one of them is not depressed.

Why does a person's low sense of self-worth lead to depression?

When a person's sense of self-worth is low, he will habitually attribute all the unhappiness he encounters, and the harm that others have done to him will habitually inwardly attribute it, and he will think that everything that happens is his fault, caused by his own lack of goodness.

How is a person's sense of self-worth formed?

The sense of self-worth can also be called self-esteem, that is, the attitude towards (seeing) oneself.

For a newborn baby, he does not know what he is like, whether it is bad, whether it is beautiful or ugly, his attitude towards himself is gradually formed from the feedback of the attitude of the people around him to him, if the people around him are fond of his attitude, acceptance and understanding respect and tolerance...

With a positive attitude, he will feel that he is worthy of love and value, which will make him a person with a high sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

On the contrary, if the little baby is neglected, rejected, or even abused and abandoned, then he will feel worthless, unworthy of being loved, and will form a low sense of self-worth.

When they find that their parents do not love them, he instinctively thinks that he is wrong, that he is not good enough, that he is not worthy of being loved, and that he will live with the world with this deep belief and values.

The relationship between the child and the parent is the basis of the child's relationship with the world, and when he feels that the parents do not love him, then no one in this world will love him.

Low self-worth is often formed from early traumatic experiences or experiences, such as being fostered in the homes of grandparents or other relatives as a child, and being boarded at school prematurely, or parents divorcing, single-parent families, or parents preferring sons to daughters at home, being ignored and scolded, experiencing emotional abuse, physical abuse, and so on.

Some even said that because of a sentence, the younger brother was born, and the neighbor said to her: "You have a younger brother, and your parents will not love you in the future!" Mom said to her angrily, "If it weren't for your brother's death, we wouldn't have given birth to you!" ”

Just because of one sentence, they form their deep beliefs and values about themselves. Because children are too young to develop rational defense and discernment, they are like a blank piece of paper that directly engages the subconscious with the world.

There are many articles on the Internet that enhance self-worth (self-confidence), and after reading them, they often have little effect, because a person's sense of self-worth is caused by negative experiences in the process of growing up, and if these feelings and deep beliefs remain unchanged, it is difficult to improve the sense of self-worth.

Every time a depressed client is consulted, in a hypnotic state, they are guided to see their own imagery, basically their images are worn- and disheveled, with their heads bowed, hiding in corners, or hiding behind things...

They are also receptive to their self-image, some are hateful, some are angry, and the environment they live in is often dark and narrow.

-03-

Low self-worth (low self-esteem) is almost everyone's, but to varying degrees, and this does not lead to depression, and the second cause of depression is habitual repression of negative emotions.

Negative emotions everyone will have, a lot of chicken soup text tells us to learn to control emotions, especially negative emotions, control is not to let yourself feel and express negative emotions.

After the generation of emotions, there is energy (psychological energy), the energy of the mental world and the energy of the physical world are the same, following the law of conservation, when an emotion is generated, the psychological energy brought by this emotion should be naturally expressed and released outward.

People with low sense of self-worth, inward attribution, he will express this energy inward to hurt himself, all of which are caused by their own lack of goodness, all of which are their own fault, when others scold him, he does not scold others, but scolds himself psychologically, and when others beat him, he will psychologically beat himself (really self-harm when serious).

These emotional energies will continue to accumulate, accumulate to a certain extent, or encounter some traumatic events, they will enter a depressed state, appear various physical symptoms mentioned earlier, and serious suicidal ideas will even be put into action.

On the contrary, the negative emotions of habitual outward attribution people are suppressed to a certain extent and will hurt the people around them, which is also one of the psychological motivations of some passion crimes.

Some people say that I also want to express negative emotions, who wants to hold back, if so, I may not even live an episode of the TV series!

There are also sayings that I want to express, but will not express, why do you have more negative emotions than others, why can't you express?

Why do you have more negative emotions than others?

Freud said that if the wounds are not digested well, what has been suppressed is destined to become the experience of the present and be repeated.

Because there are many traumatic events in your early experience, many of the surviving experiences and negative emotions that arise from it, especially not well digested, are like being tied into a knot (emotional knot) to form a complex.

For example, a person who has been bitten by a snake will have fear when he sees a rope and wants to run away, and a person who has not been bitten by a snake will see that the rope is a rope and will not have emotions.

In order to reduce the generation of negative emotions, it is still necessary to heal the early trauma, and the later emotions belong to the secondary emotions, and the early trauma is the primary emotion.

Why don't you express negative emotions?

In fact, it is not that it will not be, it is not afraid to express.

Expressing emotions is instinctive, look at the little child they will, you give him candy he will laugh, you scold him he will cry.

As the child grows up, he begins to have a lot of negative emotions, he will cry, he will lose his temper, but the parents cannot understand (empathize) the child's negative emotions, nor allow the child to express negative emotions.

In order to gain the acceptance and praise of their parents, children gradually become unable to feel and dare not express their emotions. Such a child is particularly sensitive, has a special desire to love and be loved, cares specially about the attitude of others towards him, and thinks too much about others.

Some visitors imagined her brother beating herself, asked her how she felt, she said angry, let her express, she did not dare, if she expressed anger, she would be beaten more severely.

I said in my imagination, my brother wouldn't hit you, or wouldn't dare. In the imagination, I dare not express anger, and I dare not express negative emotions in real life.

When we know the causes of depression, we naturally think of solutions, enhance self-worth, learn to express emotions, in fact, the core reason behind this is love.

Depressed people lack love and long for love, in order to get love, at their own expense, so I want to say a word to all people who suffer from depression, I don't know how to love you, but I want you to love yourself well!