In psychological counseling, many clients have a variety of feelings, some feel relaxed and comfortable, some feel relieved, some find a different self, some have a feeling of empowerment, and some feel uncomfortable.
A visitor asked:
Why is it that sometimes after psychological counseling, I feel worse? Is this discomfort normal?
Why is it that at a certain stage, psychological counseling is getting more and more uncomfortable?
Many people may think that psychological counseling is like massage, and every time it will make people very comfortable.
It is true that many times it feels good after a consultation.
For example, when a visitor cries and releases emotions;
The first time someone listens to themselves so carefully and attentively;
When you feel contained and believed;
When you are finally seen, heard, and understood;
When you get to know yourself from a new perspective...
The part that makes the client feel comfortable in psychological counseling is the humanistic care that runs through the whole work like air, including empathy, positive attention, respect and warmth, sincerity and credibility, and curiosity.
So why do you feel uncomfortable?
There are many possible reasons for this:
NO.1
An irrational belief in itself
Many people want to solve problems urgently and expect psychological counselors to act like a magician, helping them to eliminate their troubles with one click.
However, this is actually an unrealistic fantasy of the parties.
Of course, this may be precisely the issue where the parties need to grow, and perhaps it is precisely because of their impatience and lack of patience that life and emotional distress have emerged.
Some clients consult once or twice, but do not achieve the purpose of "eliminating troubles with one click", resulting in a sense of hopelessness and disappointment, which will superimpose on their original problems and make them more uncomfortable.
In fact, the formation of the problem is not a day of cold, and how can it achieve an immediate effect through 1 hour or 2 hours of consultation time?
The change of psychological problems requires a person to deeply understand the problem, slowly clean up the long-term silted emotions brought about by past pain, and then gradually adjust thinking, cognition, change behavior habits and coping methods, continue to consolidate the results, and finally achieve real changes.
Therefore, this is doomed to psychological counseling to change people is a slow process that requires a lot of patience.
NO.2
two
Healing and growing pain
Psychological counseling is sometimes similar to surgery, all of which require touching pain points, one is physical and the other is psychological.
There is a stage in counseling that is more difficult, when the psychological counseling touches the root of the client's problem, the person concerned should re-feel the uncomfortable feeling, the client will subconsciously fear, reject and resist, when the psychological counseling is deepened, they will be very painful and want to escape.
Just like a scar is suppurated, the doctor has to scrape off the suppurative part, medicate it, and let the new tissue grow.
Before deciding on surgery, it may be nervous and nervous, and the moment of scraping off is very painful.
Even after the operation, it may be painful for a few days.
Some people go to physical therapy because of physical sub-health problems, and they will also feel quite painful, and even feel that they are "spending money to find guilt".
If you give up once or twice because of pain, physiotherapy may not play much of a role, but if you stick to it, you may find that the pain will become lighter and healthier afterwards.
With the gradual deepening of counseling, when a person clearly understands his relationship model or survival pattern, but has not yet learned a new way to cope, he will face a sense of powerlessness and pain that cannot be changed.
And when we end an unhealthy relationship, it will also make people very afraid and anxious, although the past pattern is very bad, but it is very familiar, at least it will bring us a sense of security,
The unknown new patterns make us afraid, so sometimes we unconsciously retreat into the old patterns.
It's the pain that growth and change bring to us.
Pain in counseling may be inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to bear the weight of life.
After all, all growth must have a premise, that is, the cost of suffering can be borne.
If the pain is too intense for you to bear, you need to reflect the situation to the counselor, express your feelings and expectations, and the counselor can adjust the rhythm, re-discuss and change the psychological strategy.
When the client's inner strength is enhanced and the pain is repaired, this uncomfortable feeling is also weakened, and the sense of pleasure, achievement, and happiness is enhanced.
NO.3
three
The counselor is not a good match for you
The counselor who matches you will have the following three feelings in the consultation.
First, communication is smooth. You will feel that you can easily and easily understand what the counselor means, and the counselor can understand your meaning easily and accurately.
Second, during the psychological conversation, you will feel interested and enthusiastic to continue the conversation with the counselor, and after one conversation, you will be willing to ask him about the next meeting.
Third, during or after the meeting, you will feel that you have been inspired by something, so that your understanding of people and things has become richer, broader, deeper, more detailed, more able to understand yourself and others, and more confident in work, life and interpersonal communication.
If the counselor is professional and formal, after you talk to a counselor three or four times, you still can't find the above three feelings, only uncomfortable or uncomfortable feelings,
Consider talking to a counselor to see if there is a problem with matchmaking, and look for a counselor who is a better match for you.