01
Little T has been upset lately because he is always late for work.
She has a characteristic, working 5 days a week, about 3-4 days will be late, and only 1-2 minutes late. Not to say laugh, really 1-2 minutes.
Being late to deduct money is something that everyone on the earth knows, and a colleague has asked her: Why is it always 1 or 2 minutes late? Can't you just go out a little bit earlier?
She said that no matter how early I was, I would always be late, as if I was enchanted.
Specifically asked her, she said, except sometimes I can't get up early, most of the time it is 5-10 minutes early, but the road conditions are always bad, the car is that time to arrive, a little early and go out on time is the same. Or, the car you're going to take is a little bit late.
This one-minute late is known not only to colleagues, but also to managers who are not directly in charge.
Finally, the supervisor couldn't bear it and warned her to dismiss her if he found her late again.
On the one hand, she was indignant, thinking that it was still the same company as before, the attendance system was quite loose, and there was no deduction for late arrivals; on the other hand, she felt very distressed and did not know how to achieve punctuality or even early arrival.
02
Why am I late?
If you only consider the reasons at the level of consciousness, there must be various reasons for being late: getting up late, getting stuck in traffic, forgetting, getting confused, and so on.
But if one goes deep into the inner world from these seemingly legitimate reasons, one often sees a different picture, and those reasons are often used to rationalize one's actions: to achieve some deep need of oneself in a late manner.
Of course, this is not to say that all tardiness implies some subconscious impulse, but at least, for the matter of often being late, it is often not as simple as it seems.
The act of being late often implies passive attack, that is, passive resistance to scenes that cannot be directly attacked and are afraid of direct conflict. In this way, it is not only to find an outlet for inner aggression and dissatisfaction, but also to avoid the direct conflict in the imagination, which is a process of internal processing and compromise.
Many people are always late for work or school, and they are very late on time: always 1-2 minutes later than the agreed time, making you unhappy but unable to blame.
Moreover, most of these people have a good temper and usually have nothing to offend. But the concept of time is not very strong, and even feel that it does not matter if you are late, it is a big deal to be told by customers and bosses, or it is a big deal to be scolded by a teacher.
They feel inside that they can accept this "worst" outcome, so they don't worry about being late. Because they don't have such worries, they occasionally make low-level mistakes such as being two minutes late, missing a plane, missing a train, and so on.
People may understand such behavior as not paying attention to work (study), ignoring the rules of the company (school).
However, after the analysis of professional psychological counselors, it is found that habitual tardiness is more likely to be a psychological space problem: HE wants to stay in his own world and space as much as possible, and enter other people's territory as little as possible.
Because you have the final say on your own turf, but on other people's turf, others have the final say, you will suffer from the pain of losing control.
The essence of the matter is actually power, who is high and who is low has the final say.
03
When going to work, employees have to enter the space of the company or unit, and the boss or boss plays an authoritative role, and the employee naturally enters the relationship between the leader and the led. If the employee does not deal with the problem of high and low power in the relationship, there will be resistance when entering the company or unit, but they may not be aware of this resistance.
If you keep your covenant, it's like expressing obedience to power, which is a bad experience.
Being late is a way for them to express their dissatisfaction with others and is a passive attack.
When you go deep into the subconscious, you will find that most of these people have hidden and unexpressed anger towards their parents, and the frequent behavior of being late and procrastinating is a kind of confrontation and attack on parents.
"I'm going to be late, I have absolute control over this matter, and the boss can't do anything about me." I can control how late I am, and I can get the sense of luck of arriving before the last moment of being late, like experiencing an orgasm, and the whole process is played with by my applause. ”
When a child has an authoritative parent who is too demanding or too controlling in his early years, but does not have the ability to confront him head-on, he can only slowly develop procrastination methods in the process of growing up to fight against authority.
When an employee is late, his subconscious "controls" his boss in this way, just as he hoped to manipulate his parents in early childhood. To make up for the anxiety of not being able to control your parents and controlling your own destiny in your early years.
Such people generally have deep, unexpressed anger toward their parents.
If we can express and release the repressed anger in our hearts in a safe and accepted counseling environment, we will find that their behavior of following the rules at work will gradually increase, and their work efficiency will be greatly improved. Because he no longer suppresses himself and can express anger, he no longer needs to express his inner dissatisfaction in a passive-aggressive way.
04
In fact, not only in daily life, in the process of psychological counseling, we also see a variety of late arrivals.
Fifty minutes of interviews, someone can keep a "record" of 2 minutes late at a time;
Someone can be 45 minutes late and only come to the counseling room before the end, although they are very anxious and nervous, but seeing the counselor waiting in the counseling room according to the rules of psychological counseling, his mood begins to calm down;
Some people have strong guilt towards the counselor because they are late; some people blame the consultant for the time arranged by the consultant for being late and unreasonable;
Someone who is late feels more comfortable because he feels that he should not cause too much trouble to the counselor, and should let the counselor rest;
Some people are late for fear of starting to attach to a counselor; some people are late because they are angry with a counselor...
Although there are various reasons for these tardiness, almost all of them have a potential meaning in the eyes of the counselor, or anger, or dissatisfaction, or guilt. Moreover, these late arrivals are actually a reflection of the way the parties handle interpersonal relationships.
If the inner meaning and emotions can be slowly understood and seen through the clarification and interpretation of the counselor in the process of psychological counseling, the way of handling the relationship between the TA and the counselor will be changed, which will not only be of great help to the physical and mental health of the person concerned, but also have a very positive impact on their own life, work and interpersonal relationships.
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