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"Everybody is lying, it's a basic fact of the human condition. The only variable is about what. ”
Most people are committed to practicing "honesty," but almost everyone lies occasionally. Maybe you remember one or two of your last lies: Maybe you tell your kids "You're amazing!" Well done! "But actually, you feel like he's doing a terrible job; or, when you really want to eat Chinese food, you insist on saying to your partner, 'It's okay to eat Japanese food, I just happen to want to eat Japanese food too"...
What if you lied to a counselor during a psychological counseling session? In 2015, a study of 547 adults who received counseling found that more than 93 percent reported some type of dishonest behavior.
However, lying in counseling, no matter how common, can destroy counseling relationships and ultimately hinder your progress. Taking some time to reflect on why you're lying can help you improve your chances of success in counseling.
So, what if you lie to a counselor? Next, let's listen to the advice of Professor Rong Xinqi, an expert in the psychology of new concepts.
>Why do people lie in counseling?
Before exploring the reasons why a person can find it difficult to be completely honest in counseling, it may be helpful to understand the various forms that lies can take.
What is a lie?
Common types of lying in counseling include:
1. Outright lies. Nonsense, nonsense, lying... Everything you describe has little truth to you.
2. Missed secrets or lies. Maybe you're not actually lying, but you convince yourself that certain details aren't important (in fact, important), deliberately not saying them or pretending to be forgotten.
3. Minimize the facts. You mentioned your intrusive thoughts but didn't say how much they affected your daily life; or you stated that you had suicidal thoughts but didn't mention that you had thought about suicide more than once.
4. Half-truths and half-lies. You may say that you drink on social occasions, which is true; however, you do not state the fact that you have also drunk on other occasions.
5. Exaggeration. Maybe you overemphasized certain details, like how often your partner got home, being late, or the number of times your best friend canceled a plan.
6. White lies. Most people think that white lies are harmless because they are usually motivated by a desire to avoid hurting the feelings of others. Still, they can hide facts that may be important in psychological counseling.
The main reason people lie in counseling is to protect themselves or their loved ones from embarrassment or criticism, or to make a good impression.
Of course, it is also possible that it is:
Shame about your habits, emotions, fantasies, relationships, or sex;
Do not want counselors to know about their medication use;
Not sure if the counselor will trust their traumatic or abusive experiences;
Don't want to explain how severe their symptoms are;
Fear of sharing suicidal thoughts;
Compulsive lying;
Hopefully the counselor likes them and accepts that they are a good person etc.
People are often under stress, although this stress can come from multiple sources.
And in counseling, you may feel anxious or stressed when it comes to intimate details of your personal life (often deeply distressing). Therefore, lying provides a protective barrier to your weaknesses.
Maybe avoiding questions about your relationship with your parents won't completely destroy psychological counseling for anxiety and depression, but it may hinder your progress. It may be worth exploring why you prefer to avoid these particular topics, and psychological counseling provides a safe space to do just that.
What's more, even if the tension with your parents may seem inconsequential, it could definitely be related to something you really need help with.
What should I do >?
Maybe it's "half-truths" in a meeting and you choose not to correct it; or maybe you've admitted to yourself that you've withheld more than some major information about your mental and emotional health.
The following suggestions from Professor Rong can help you move forward better and more efficiently:
1. Admit the lie
This may feel a little scary, but it's wise to tell your counselor that you've been blocking something.
Try not to worry that they'll get angry, that's not the purpose of counseling, and they're more likely to use the information you've disclosed as an opportunity to dig deeper into why you're lying.
Do you feel guilty or embarrassed about something? Afraid of being criticized? Maybe you just don't like to open up the way psychological counseling is needed. Acknowledging your lies can help your counselor work with you to find useful solutions.
2. When you encounter difficulties, please let the counselor know
Most people find that counseling is at least a little challenging for them. After all, it does involve exposing your weaknesses and fears.
If you don't want your counselor to know how struggling you are, you might want to lie. But keep in mind that giving counselors a more accurate picture of your experience allows them to help you better.
Instead, try the following:
"I feel terrible right now, but I want to talk about it today..."
"I'm not ready to talk about this, maybe next week?"
"Last week was tough, can we talk about some new coping strategies?"
Your counselor may suggest that you explore why you're having trouble with a particular topic instead of delving into the topic itself. This may lead to a deeper understanding of your pain and prepare you for problem solving problems later.
3. Remember that counselors are not here to judge you
The counselor's job is to help you cope with the psychological difficulties you encounter, and when you are not honest enough (or not at all honest) about these difficulties, they will have a hard time providing this support.
Let's say you forget to mention the moment you lost your temper last night and yelled at your kids, and you don't want them to think you're a bad parent. But remember, they're just like you, they're a regular person, and they may have also lost their temper with their partner, their children, or another loved one at some point.
Telling them what's going on can benefit you by showing the pressure you're under. From there, you can start exploring coping tips and other useful strategies to avoid tantrums in the future.
4. Don't give up
No matter how frustrated you are about something that seems to lack progress, remembering what you want from counseling can help you recommit to persevering.
If counseling doesn't seem to work, you can say to your counselor, "I'm feeling much better right now and don't need more counseling, thank you!" "It gets you almost back to square one.
Conversely, if you explain that you don't think the methods they are currently using are of much help, you can explore more effective options with them.
5. Know when it's time to move on
It is difficult to make progress in counseling without a good counseling relationship, and trust is a key component of such a relationship.
If you can't allow yourself to open up to your counselor, you may feel insecure or uncomfortable with them.
Maybe you've noticed some subtle changes in tone or body language that hint at judgment or criticism; or maybe they remind you a little bit of someone you don't like or trust.
Discussing these issues with your counselor may help, but it's always okay to consider finding a new counselor.
If you can't share your experience truthfully, you won't get much out of counseling. The right counselor for you is someone you can communicate openly and honestly with.
can > counselor tell if I'm lying?
Counselors can't understand all of your thoughts, so they may not know if you're lying or when.
However, the counselor can get a lot of information from your words and body language, which can lead to the notation that you may be lying. They may notice some tiny details of you, or how your story changes between sessions. If you become defensive or nervous when answering questions dishonestly, or if you re-ask you repetitive questions while your answers are different, they may also have realized that you are lying.
Maybe your facial expressions don't match your words or tone. For example, after being fired, you might say how excited you are about the opportunity to explore a new career. But you can't say that when you look them in the eye, the anxiety and disappointment you really feel manifests itself in your face and in your voice.
In short, if you're used to being "honest" about the truth, the counselor may at least know what's going on and be able to help you the most.
At the moment, many people have heard of or even received psychological counseling, but the counselor who misleads you will only hurt you in the end. On the other hand, acknowledging one's lies can create opportunities for real progress.
When your counselor has a fuller picture of the dilemmas you face, they can better support you and help you.
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