5 things you must know before doing counseling

You may be expecting to try counseling, but some of those expectations may be unrealistic.

For example, don't expect to find the best counselor at once. You may need to see more than one counselor and have several consultations before you can find the "right" counselor.

People often want to know how to improve their relationships, how to better manage their emotions or anxiety, or how to change some of their specific behaviors. In these cases, people will seek help from counseling, or pursue personal growth, or want to alleviate symptoms, or generally desire to improve the quality of life.

Regardless of how you made the decision to try counseling, now that you're about to enter your first counseling session, you may be full of expectations, but some of those expectations may be unrealistic.

What are the unrealistic expectations?

01

Don't expect a quick decision

Very few problems can be solved with a single consultation. During the first few consultations, your counselor will assess with you whether counseling will help you and what kind of counseling will help you. The counselor will ask you to tell you about your motivation for help, as well as your medical history, social experience, family history, etc., so that you can get to know you better.

Revealing your symptoms and experiences can make some people feel like a needle in a needle, and it will also make some people feel relieved. In any case, it is almost impossible to produce positive and lasting changes through just a few appointments, reversing long-standing patterns of thought and behavior.

That said, there are structured therapies that focus on the present moment and can expect it to be relatively time-bound, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, or acceptance commitment therapy. Motivational counseling and psychoanalysis focus on exploring unconscious desires and unconscious processes, which requires us to invest longer.

02

In most cases, the counseling process is not so easy

Counseling is a task that requires you to take a hard look at yourself. You don't need to do this alone, your consultant will work with you.

You will work together to better perceive what causes your current problems, such as specific ways of thinking, ways of escaping from worry, expression and processing of emotions, style of communication, and so on.

At the same time, you will also understand how your current patterns make you feel good and how they make you feel bad. You will also practice a number of different ways of thinking, behaving, interpreting mechanisms, and coping strategies.

In the process, your state may get worse before it improves. For example, talking about a traumatic experience can affect your sleep; confronting someone else's bad behavior toward you or the malicious behavior you have done to others can make you sad and angry.

Raising your hand in class and deciding whether or not to divorce – confronting these things that you're afraid of is like a roller coaster that will trigger more anxiety in the short term.

When you feel worse, remember: the old patterns are just as painful. It may be worth taking some time to see if these tough moments will eventually be replaced by something better.

03

Chatting with a consultant is not the same as chatting with friends

The relationship between visits and other relationships is different. It is not reciprocal, not a "two-way street". You may share some intimate details with your counselor who may not respond. This does not mean that the consultant is harsh or hidden, nor does it mean that the counselor does not trust or dislike you.

Instead, your counselor is moderate about whether or not he wants to share personal information with you in order to focus on you and your goals. In some therapies, this will also help you understand your own assumptions (projections) about the counselor and thus understand yourself in another way.

Sometimes, a counselor setting such boundaries can serve as an example, showing you how to set boundaries with others.

04

Your counselor usually won't tell you what to do

Because your counselor will not directly bear the consequences of your choice after you make a choice, the counselor will avoid giving obvious guidance. He won't tell you what to do, but will ask you questions to help you clarify what you really want to do and why.

There are some exceptions, of course, and if your counselor is concerned that you may cause harm to yourself and the safety of others, they may give more direct guidance than usual.

He will give you feedback on what you say, so that you can see what you are saying in a new light, so that you can take a more thorough look at yourself. Your counselor may lead you through other choices you haven't thought of, or explore the positive, negative, and intermediate outcomes that a particular choice can bring.

If you and a counselor decide to work together for a long period of time, your counselor may remind you of some previous decisions (and their consequences), or some repetitive patterns. This may show you how you process the decisions in front of you and how you handle the consequences.

05

Don't expect to find the best counselor in one go

Although the counseling relationship has its own peculiarities, it also has some similarities with other relationships, and it is also the process of two people gradually coming together.

Obviously you are an expert in understanding your own. You come to the counseling room with your own unique temperament and personal style, you have your own understanding of your current problems, and you also have your own views on the goals of the consultation. And your counselor is a mental health professional who welcomes you with his or her own unique approach to treatment, clinical experience, and character.

You may not feel a match after finding your first counselor, and you may need more than one consultation to see if you are a match. You may need to see more than one counselor and have several consultations before you can find the "right" counselor.

How do I find the best counselor?

Which counselor you match best, this one varies from person to person, but you can consider the following questions, which is a good start for yourself to evaluate the "right" counselor:

Does the consultant convey professionalism? Is the conversation between the consultant and you and the setting of the consultation room professional? Have you been introduced to some of the ethics of practice? Such as temporary cancellation of appointments or other unexpected circumstances?

Are the consultant's questions of concern?

If you encounter some challenges at the beginning of the consultation, do you feel comfortable talking to the counselor?

Do you like their style? Including the level of interaction with you, the use of humor, and the ability to perceive and describe your emotional state?

If you're hesitant about whether you need counseling, our Psychological Assessment service may be able to help you quickly.

The "Psychological Assessment" service can help you answer a series of confusions such as "What the hell is wrong with me", "Is my condition serious", "Can I get better", and will also provide you with a set of suitable mental health programs including: psychology-related books, self-help training and so on.

This time, you may be able to start by trying to receive help and slowly heal yourself.