Even if there is no cheating and betrayal in the marriage relationship, it is not necessarily harmonious and loving, living a bad life, and talking about divorce is not so serious. No matter what problems arise in the family, the way husband and wife get along and deal with problems is the key, so what should be done in the face of marital discord?
01 Accept the difference
Many marital conflicts stem from the differences between each other, everyone has their own positions and views, have different pursuits and standards, when the other party is different, and can not be integrated will lead to dissatisfaction, want to live a comfortable life, want to have a harmonious relationship is not to change each other, but to accept the fact of differences between the two sides, whether it is cognition or living habits, accept his (her) true appearance, let the lover do their own in order to get along well and live together.
02 Communication is key
Two people are not afraid of quarreling, afraid of not speaking, but even quarrels are also a technical job, focusing on how to say in the process of quarreling, no matter what happens in life, do not sulk in the heart, or crackle there only to express their dissatisfaction and grievances
Marriage discord and feelings can not go on, not necessarily there is a real problem with feelings, but the resentment and disagreement caused by poor communication.
Only by communicating more, exchanging opinions, expressing their feelings in a language that the other party can accept and understand, and patiently listening to each other's demands, can we gradually re-establish a harmonious relationship in life. Sometimes the coordination of the three views between husband and wife is not really completely consistent, but respect and love, so that we are willing to cooperate and accept his truth.
Because a lot of impulses are not because of deliberate opposition, but really unaware of the harm caused, so when you feel that you can't get along harmoniously, remember to improve and improve the way of communication, in order to work hard in one direction even if there are slightly different three views, which is conducive to the longevity and stability of marriage.
03 Lower expectations
There is too much unhappiness between husband and wife, because they have too many expectations for this person that they desire, and rehearse the good results in their minds over and over again in advance, but finally backfire on the emotional gap.
It is said that "if you don't expect it, you won't be disappointed", it is not self-abandonment, but excessive expectation is the hidden danger of bad emotions.
Behind that seemingly beautiful "expectation", there is a hidden anger and passive attack seeds after disappointment, how do you think, all the other party you fantasize about may not know, even if it is planned synchronously, there will be accidents, we reduce the expectation of our lover, not to give up hope for life, but to stop fantasizing and put efforts into reality.
Freud long proposed the concept of "defense mechanisms", he believed that people can alleviate inner conflicts and anxieties through some defense mechanisms.
Therefore, when the relationship has entered the desperate situation of feeling, learn to open the emotional controller, adjust unreasonable expectations, sort out each other's relationship and status quo, rather than imagining the future all the time, it is better to let yourself better enjoy the present, live in the present, in order to have more and better energy to manage the future.
You have to understand that accepting imperfections will make marriage metamorphose from flaws
Imperfection is a person, but also the actual form of all relationships, where there are so many wishes and beauty, it may be mixed with all kinds of unhappiness.
American marriage expert Wenger Jolly said in her book The Law of Happy Marriage: "In this world, even the happiest marriage will have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 times of strangling each other in a lifetime." ”
Even if it is a loving couple, in a long-term intimate relationship, contradictions and disharmony are inevitable, and the disappointment brought about by the conflict is inevitable. Instead of self-pity and self-pity, living in anxiety, contradiction, anger and despair, it is better to learn to relax, learn to communicate better, and live a simple day. When the time comes, you will be surprised to find that lowering expectations will not only not be lost, but also get more surprises and surprises.
04 Focus on self-improvement
When the marital relationship always feels disrespected, trying a variety of ways still feel inexplicable can not communicate, in fact, many times do not have to start from the feelings, to enhance their charm and value, maybe everything will change.
To put it simply, their own degree of excellence has the capital that the other party fears and does not want to lose, and many things will be solved.
Marriage relationship is also a kind of interpersonal relationship, are the exchange of values, you have the strength of the other party's need for recognition and respect, naturally will make the other party from the heart to take the initiative to cooperate with you, rather than relying on your unilateral coercion to make him (her) grateful or change.
When we are strong enough, we will not suffer from gain and loss, will not focus all our attention on each other, and will not feel desolate because of the other party's slight attitude.
A good husband and wife relationship needs to be integrated at different stages under the new role and divide their respective territories to overlap, intersect and separate from each other, no matter when they can have the opportunity to be themselves. The real strength is not sharp, not strong, but the ability to leave at any time, and let the other party not give up.
Therefore, when you feel that you can't go on and the relationship can't be improved, then start from your own changes, and sometimes if you don't change, the relationship will be different.
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Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.