Wen | snow fell without dust
In life, there are many marriages that are divorced because of discord in feelings, life, material things, etc.
We often see this picture of life:
The wife washes dishes, washes clothes, and mops the floor while the husband takes off his stinky socks and lies on the couch watching TV;
The wife bought more expensive cosmetics, the husband went to the gym to work out, and the two people quarreled over who spent more money;
The wife picks up and drops off the children to and from school all day and takes care of the elderly, but the husband does not care about anything...
People are extremely tired and easy to collapse, why some women choose divorce between life and marriage, is because it has become her own marriage. Everything is done by himself, and the husband does not care about anything.
She complained that she was too tired and begged him to help her share a little. However, when a man says "the male protagonist is outside the female protagonist", he will scare the woman back.
In fact, marriage is a matter of two people, there is no problem of the division of labor between men and women, each other are willing to pay for the family, and life will be prosperous.
However, many men adhere to the old feudal ideas, making women unbearable and wronged.
The times have changed, people's conservative thinking should also change, men should share more for women, be her "partners" in marriage, marriage will be happy.
Sooner or later you will understand that finding the right "partner" will make the marriage work well.
01
Compromise is not the best option
Psychologists once did an experiment in which they found two identical cars, broke the glass of one of them, and then placed both cars on the street at the same time.
As a result, three days later, the car that had been smashed with glass was smashed even more. And that complete car is still intact.
This is the "broken window effect," which means that if something breaks, it induces people to destroy it again, so much so that it gets worse.
This effect also applies to marriage, if a person in the marriage has no bottom line to pay, endure, compromise, even the best marriage, will slowly disintegrate, and eventually let the marriage relationship collapse.
Compromise, especially in marriage, means giving up one's own interests in exchange for the satisfaction of two people. In fact, in the end, it is still myself who is wronged.
If people are wronged once, several times, if they have been wronged, just like the "broken window effect", it is bound to bring themselves a catastrophic test, so that they have no choice in life, and eventually go to the collapse of feelings.
I saw a post on the Internet, and a woman said that she was a very exquisite person before marriage, loved life, often traveled on holidays, appreciated the customs and people of various places, and broadened her horizons.
In his spare time, he reads at home, grows flowers, and does handicrafts, and his life is exquisite and comfortable.
But after getting married, especially with children, I began to compromise with life. All day long, overwhelmed by housework, chores, children, and work.
Over time, she herself became numb and less interested in life.
Whenever her husband sees her like this, he will complain that she does not clean up, has no quality, like a middle-aged mother. Over time, the feelings between her and her husband also faded.
In "Chinese Marriage", there is such a line: "The appearance of women, the rivers are falling day by day; the talent of men is thriving." Therefore, women after marriage should strengthen self-construction and always remain attractive. ”
After marriage, a woman will have many roles: mother, wife, daughter-in-law, which role is not careful. However, if you do any role well, you are not as good as yourself.
Liang Wendao said: "A woman must have the ability to live a good life, and it is very important to have things that others cannot take away." ”
If you have a house to live in, there is no need to go to someone else's place to send people under the fence; if you have money and grain, there is no need to go to others to drink water and rub rice.
Only when women grow themselves into towering trees, they will not compromise with men because of dependence and let themselves be wronged.
02
The best option is collaboration
Wong Kar-wai said: "I never thought that marriage was so complicated, and I thought that one person could do well, but two people are together, but it is not enough to do well."
Before getting married, you must understand that if the other party and you are not synchronized with each other and do not have the same cognition, then even if you work hard, tolerate it, and pay again, there is no response, the marriage will not be long-lasting, it will not be complete. ”
In these days, only when the husband and wife are in the same pace and think together will they achieve the consummation of marriage.
In the TV series "Perfect Relationship", Geng Yue is a host, He Jun is also a well-known person in the literary and art circles, a couple of art worlds, living a sweet and beautiful life.
However, everything was broken by Geng Yue's betrayal.
He Jun wants a divorce, but in the face of huge compensation, he can only dispel the idea of divorce and spend it in this disgraceful and loveless marriage.
In fact, Geng Yue is not the first time to be pampered, and of course it cannot be the last. If He Jun had discovered it early and stopped it early, he would not have developed into the passive situation that he had later.
However, at the beginning, she cared about the feelings of the two people, and compromised with Geng Yue again and again, but later, she could not clean up.
In marriage, when difficult things are encountered, synergy is more able to solve things than compromise. Between husband and wife, only by cooperating, feelings will be inseparable.
Marriage, after all, is a contractual relationship. In this relationship, there must be something in common, so that each other can perceive each other and rely on each other, and the relationship will be stable.
Geng Yue and He Jun, because of their work, gathered less and left more, resulting in a later emotional separation.
In fact, marriage is a mutual benefit, we need feelings and time, of course, we also need to give back and grow. However, marriage is not a one-man show, but a double reed for two people. It takes the synergy of two kinds of thinking to be happy.
Next door lived an old couple, more than 70 years old, already white-haired, and the relationship had always been very good.
Listening to the old two people, the two people have never quarreled in their lives, because they can't quarrel. Whatever happens is brought to the table, and the result of the solution must be satisfactory to both parties, neither of which owes nor takes advantage of each other.
In fact, the secret of a happy marriage is to cooperate, and maintaining long-term synergy and cooperation will be exchanged for a happy and satisfying life.
03
Whether a husband and wife can live to old age depends not on love, but on "coordination"
So, what exactly is done in marriage to be considered synergy?
First, know yourself.
The poet Rumi said, "The world never examines itself, they only blame others." ”
In marriage, we often look at each other with a microscope, and as time passes, the shortcomings of the other party are exposed, and our eyes become sharp.
However, we only see the shortcomings of others, but we forget that we also have shortcomings in ourselves.
The couple is the smallest cooperative group in the world, and the two people will live together for a lifetime. You can't just pick on other people's faults and ignore your own problems.
Everyone is a unique individual, even if you don't want to, don't always talk about other people, but look for problems from yourself.
Second, it is to know each other.
It is true to say that "to change oneself is God, and to change others is to be neurotic.".
When they find shortcomings, they want to change others, and if they don't change, they get angry and make contradictions. In fact, each of us is immutable, and the differences between husband and wife are always there.
So, don't try to change, but choose to know each other and accept each other.
The highest level of love in the world is not how much we love each other, but how much we can accommodate each other. Only enough tolerance and understanding will produce perfect love.
People's perspective on people often magnifies shortcomings and reduces advantages, and the same is true in marriage. If this is the case in marriage, it will cause a gap between two people.
Therefore, we must look at each other's advantages, do not look at or ignore each other's shortcomings, is the best mode for couples to get along.
In marriage, cherishing each other's differences and learning to appreciate and accept is the most beautiful appearance of marriage.
Finally, there is synergy.
Synergy is the essence of man and the essence of the family. Synergy plays a very important role in the generation and resolution of any contradiction.
What is collaboration? Two independent people, different backgrounds, different thinking, different families, only empathy on the basis of mutual respect and mutual appreciation, is synergy.
Therefore, whether the husband and wife quarrel or the Cold War, when there is a conflict, in addition to "your method" and "my method", we must find a "third method" that both parties agree, and the problem can be solved.
It will not only make you and me happy and satisfied, but also a win-win situation in marriage.
04
The best marriage is to meet a "partner" in the relationship
A bundle of chopsticks is tied together and folded continuously, and one chopstick is easily broken.
Synergy is always a win-win situation in life, and if you do a good job of synergy, life will always be stable and profitable.
This is especially true for husband and wife, two people in the same heart, and their profits are broken.
Husband and wife "partnership" will form a happy marriage.