01
Reader's letter: Hello Kaige, I am 31 years old this year, at the beginning of last year I met a boy who was one year younger than me in my work relationship, the conditions were very good in all aspects, I liked him very much, of course, I was not bad myself.
I think he has an interesting soul, and with him I feel like I've found my own soul mate.
But this year because of the pressure of my work, the temper is a little big, bring him bad emotions, always quarrel with him, coupled with his family's opposition, made trouble for more than half a year, in October he said he was tired, and I mentioned breaking up.
But this month he started sending me messages again, still very concerned about me, I asked him if he still loved me, he said love. But there was no way to be with me again.
I know I still care about him, but I don't dare to show it, I can only pretend not to care, pretend that we have no relationship now, don't care about him, and don't put pressure on him.
But my heart was very uncomfortable and contradictory, and my sixth sense told me that he would probably go on a blind date now and meet other girls.
I would like to ask Kaige, should I leave happily, or should I just live like this, and don't puncture the composite paper?
02
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl, you mentioned soul mate here, I think every one of us is eager to find a soul mate, then we may wish to take a look at what the so-called soul mate is like.
1) You have to have a soul
This sentence may be very strange for many people to hear, where will someone have no soul, I am not a ghost, but let's think about it, what is our soul?
Like this girl said, the boy she likes has an interesting soul.
By the way, how to be interesting, there are thoughts to be interesting, that is to say, thoughts, consciousness is a person's soul.
To put it another way, this is what we often call spiritual independence, a person who has his own ideas and loves to think.
So the good question is, what kind of people will become each other's soul mates?
Obviously, it needs to be two people who are independent in spirit, have ideas, and have depth.
2, can respond to each other, resonance
This is like the mountain flowing water in the Boyazi period, the two sides can have the same frequency exchange, and have spiritual resonance.
In layman's terms, it is necessary for two people with similar backgrounds, the same three views, and similar temperaments, and also to meet in the same time and space, and both parties are willing to accept each other and become each other's partners.
But how easy are these points?
3, you are willing to grow
All relationships are dynamic, and even if you find a soul mate, it doesn't mean you can always be each other's soul mate.
Because the external stimuli accepted by both sides are different, the internal growth will be different.
Only by accepting each other's changes and striving to improve and grow can the two sides maintain a long-term pace.
The worst thing is that one person is trying to move forward, and the other person is stopping, then two people who were originally on the same frequency will also begin to slowly distance themselves.
4. Give respect to each other
The core of respect is to accept each other's differences, not to try to change each other, and not to impose one's own needs on the other.
Everything is willing to think in a different position, and can rationally resolve conflicts.
As long as it does not violate the principles and bottom line, give the other party enough space and do not point fingers.
Summarizing the above four points, so in my opinion, the girl you meet is not a soul mate at all.
Even if it were, it would be possible that he could be your soul mate and you could not be his soul mate.
It can be seen from your saying that your temper is a bit big due to the pressure of your work, and you are more concerned about your own feelings.
The reason why you lose your temper with him is because you want him to deal with your emotions and be able to take on your emotions and even make him feel tired in the end, I guess there is a high probability that you want him to be responsible for your emotions.
But you ignore that the so-called soul mate, the two sides should be independent individuals, he can appease you, can also help you deal with emotions together, but he should not be the object of your emotional catharsis, he does not need to be responsible for your emotions.
When I consult, I will find that many girls will feel that I am with you because I love you, so you have to take care of my feelings, you have to accompany me when I am sad, you have to comfort me when I am sad, and you have to coax me when I lose my temper.
If this is still love, you may feel that this is your need to fall in love, but the other party must not be.
The other person is like you, he also wants to feel loved, cared for, not to accept a person's negative energy every day, and must deal with his partner's emotions every day.
Therefore, I hope that girls should know that any intimate relationship, if you impose your own needs on the other party and vent your emotions to the other party, will eventually only accelerate the breakdown of the relationship.
You are asking me now, are you going to leave in pain and happiness, or are you going to live like this and not puncture this layer of window paper?
When I read your words, I read them several times, and I was afraid that I would misunderstand them, and I thought you would ask me if I was going to leave or to puncture this layer of window paper.
I thought you were struggling with whether to confess to you or tell him you still liked him.
But unexpectedly, what you're asking is whether you want to leave, and to stay the status quo, your options don't have to compound this.
Seeing this, it makes me even more convinced that you and this boy have never been soul mates, how difficult it is for a person to meet a soul mate in a lifetime, if they really meet, who will be willing to give up easily.
For you, you care more about your face or feelings, you are not willing to admit the mistakes you have made in the past because of your temper and the harm you have caused him, and you are not willing to take the initiative to confess.
Although you will be confused and unwilling now, it is also based on his initiative to come back to you, and if he can't take the initiative, you are not willing to take another step forward.
Of course, you may say that he has given up on you, and it is useless to fight, but you have not tried to fight, how can you know that it is useless to fight?
From the above, it can be seen that you are a girl who is more self-sufficient, and you would rather lose an excellent other party and miss a relationship than examine the mistakes you have made in this relationship.
So I can't give you the answer, and the only thing I can tell you is that if you feel that your self-esteem is more important than love, then the biggest price you have to pay for maintaining your self-esteem is probably that you will have a hard time getting love, let alone find a so-called soul mate.
Writing this, I don't know what everyone who is watching will have any ideas, and do you have any suggestions for her?
You are welcome to share your suggestions and opinions in the comments section.
If you, like her, have lost your beloved because of your bad temper and have too much self-esteem to know how to maintain a long-term relationship, you can privately believe me and I will help you tell you what to do!