"Why do children always tell me that they can't do it, don't dare to do it?" Even if I say it's okay even if I fail, I'll try it! But he just couldn't move! ”
"Then I saw his cowering look, and I felt angry!"
Finally tugged at the collar of his dress and pulled him over! Whether he liked it or not, in that situation, I felt completely mad, I always felt that the parents in the class were staring at me, and my face was flushed! ”
"I don't like this feeling, I don't allow children to do this!"
This is a description of a mother, saying that the activities in her son's class, when registering for the primary election, want to force the children who "don't like to express" to sign up. Although I have been working at home for a long time, when I got there, I still retreated.
See other children express themselves confidently and generously.
Look at your own inferiority child, really anxious and angry.
Why is that?
Why do children fall into self-denial and show a strong sense of inferiority?
Alfred Adler, the father of individual psychology, once said: "In children's growth experiences, there are many reasons for inferiority: children are inferior in size and strength compared with adults; and among children, physical defects caused by diseases or other reasons, differences in appearance and physique, competition between brothers and sisters, poverty, parents' high expectations of children ..."
From here, we can see some of the answers.
In fact, if you think about our own experiences, or some of the behaviors of children, you can find out.
The other day when he took the little fish to take pictures, he always did not dare to smile, and tightly squeezed his mouth, because he did not want to show his teeth.
Because I was still changing my teeth, the two large front teeth, and no teeth on either side, appeared even bigger.
I know that's not the main reason.
Because he didn't brush his teeth seriously before, there were dark spots on his teeth, some classmates said that his teeth were black, and we often mentioned it in front of him in order to make him brush his teeth more seriously.
And I like to joke, sometimes saying little black teeth.
So he was particularly concerned about the problem of teeth.
Now a little whiter, he is happy, but he still cares about what other people think of his teeth.
Fortunately, he did not feel inferior because of the problem of his teeth.
But I know that I can't continue to make jokes like this, but should avoid this unconscious "hurt".
Even if we don't mean it.
A mother left a message in the background and asked me: "I am a mother of two children, one is darker and the other is whiter, and when I go out, others will say it." Children are more concerned about their own black, but when they go out, they often say, how should I deal with it? What's a good way to do it? ”
Such a scenario is also common to us.
Outside, there are always many adults who like to compare children.
"Your child is so tall!" You can't look at our family! It's not long, alas..."
"Do you see that this child is really white, has good skin, and has inherited his mother's or his father's?"
"That kid got good grades and always got a high score, and that was average."
……
Some children don't seem to care.
And some children will have a very strong reaction at that time.
This is related to the child's inner sense of self-identity.
If the child evaluates himself well, he gets enough recognition and love from his parents.
They don't care too much and express their thoughts to their parents.
If the child is often denied by the parents, he is also inferior.
Such a comparison would deepen their negative evaluation.
Will further deny themselves.
Therefore, to sum up, these behaviors are more likely to cause children to have inferiority.
The first is the contrast.
The second is that parents have high expectations.
The other is denial.
In fact, these behaviors are related.
You'll find that many parents just put these behaviors together.
If we look at this situation, we can feel it.
That time I took the kids to play in the mall.
He wanted to play digging fossils, so he played in that shop.
Two girls came next to them, and then they started playing, and their mother watched from the sidelines.
After a while, my mother was in a hurry.
"You have to dig like this, don't do it a little, you can knock hard!"
"Why can't you be more efficient, Mom is still coming home?"
A girl tapped hard and dug open a large piece.
"Look sister, how awesome!" She said to another girl.
"Why are you so careful, it won't be bad, always so timid, or sister!"
I saw this sister who had been disciplined by her mother pouting her mouth to listen to criticism.
And the sister has dug almost enough.
Mom started talking about sister again.
As we watched, we could see that our mother was comparing the two children, and denied the "caution" of her sister, and felt that her bold sister was more powerful.
Mom must be expecting her sister to be more sensible and perform better than her sister, after all, she is the boss!
But these behaviors, if not paid attention, will only cause the sister to feel inferior.
I feel that I am not as recognized and liked by my mother as my sister.
What to do? It is much easier to find the cause of the problem.
The mother who forced her child to participate in the activity before the article was actually comparing the child with those cheerful and lively classmates.
I feel that my child is inferior to other children, so I want to force it.
But the child did not do it, and he would reprimand him angrily.
Over time, children will doubt their abilities even more.
It is recommended that parents discover their children's strengths, motivate positively, and find self-confidence.
Every child has a glowing point, please be sure to believe this saying.
Children who don't like to express themselves and don't like to participate in activities may like to read and think.
Maybe like sports, or like small animals, will take care of flowers and plants.
These are all advantages!
If you just blindly force your children to do it, and then let them feel the blow and failure, it will only become more and more inferior.
And the child who cares about his skin color will be stressed because he is under the guidance of adults.
Mothers can have a good talk with their children, in our world, there are people of all kinds of skin colors, tall, fat, thin, white and black are normal, we should not point fingers at others, and we should not be afraid of other people's words.
For those well-intentioned jokes or adult gossip, we can not care too much, just talk about it.
Even if your skin is dark, your mother still loves you and thinks it's fine.
With the encouragement and love of parents, the stress of children will be reduced a lot.
Every child may be plagued by inferiority when they grow up.
If you get the right guidance and treatment, it can inspire the child to act and think about alleviating his inner inferiority.
And this behavior is the process of pursuing a sense of superiority.
Because from a psychological point of view, each of us has an "inferiority complex".
So don't feel that inferiority is a terrible thing, handled properly, can also motivate people to forge ahead.
Adler also pointed out at the same time: In fact, each of us has different degrees of inferiority, but this inferiority is because we all want to make ourselves better and make ourselves live a better life.
But not all people can come out of inferiority, and some people are getting deeper and deeper, trapping themselves firmly.
As long as you look deeply, you will find that their childhoods are very similar and have long been planted in the original family.
However, if parents blindly hit their children, let them lose the courage to act, become self-destructive, and eventually raise "problem" children.
They will avoid learning, deliberately make trouble, and get some attention or other psychological satisfaction.
When I grew up, I also escaped from reality, didn't want to work, and showed that I didn't believe that I could do something well, so I simply did nothing and always messed around with nothing.
Every child has a self-evaluation table inside.
From a very young age, they start to rate themselves, such as what they do well and what they are not good at.
How people around me look at me, and what I think I am.
The results of this evaluation are deeply influenced by the behavior of parents.
Source: Chongqing Education