Textu/An Xiao
Public number/ An Xiao
ID/ sukiandsula
I would like to talk to you about the "birth order theory" that the teacher talked about in class when I was studying psychology:
The eldest, the last, the middle, or the only child, will the birth order affect the child's personality and destiny?
The first to oppose Freud
"Birth Order Theory" was proposed by the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, the founder of humanistic psychology. He met Freud in 1907 and followed him on psychoanalysis, but was also the first person within the school to oppose the Freud system of psychology.
Adler and Freud
Unlike Freud's theory of the "subconscious", Adler emphasized "social consciousness": the idea that the social environment in which a person grows up has an important influence on emotions and behavioral habits, and he especially wants to understand how social factors shape personality in childhood, trying to build a psychological picture through individual history.
His "birth order theory" describes that children born in the same family, due to different birth orders, parenting styles and sibling relationships can have an impact on the child's psychology and behavior, and bring it into adulthood.
Many later psychologists continued to develop Adler's theory.
Dr Kevin Leman's book, The Birth Order Book, for example, provides an in-depth look at how it shapes human character.
There's also Dr. Frank J Sulloway's landmark book Born to Rebel, which sheds light on the profound effects of birth order and sibling rivalry on personality formation, not only within the family but also in society as a whole.
Our next generation is influenced by the "birth order."
In daily life, people rarely associate their actions with their personal past, but our behavior patterns are largely derived from our own childhood.
"Siblings" are an important part of a child's "social relationship", and when a child is accustomed to a certain "role", it will bring its personality characteristics to adulthood and have the effect of promoting fate.
Most of our generation of Chinese parents are only children, may not be aware of the impact of birth order, but with the opening of the second child, our next generation began to have siblings, their childhood, birth order will be one of the factors affecting personality formation, perhaps you need to know where the "help" and "resistance" of each "role" are!
Each character has "help" and "resistance"
The "birth order theory" classifies children born in a family as follows: the eldest child, the youngest child, the middle child, and the only child.
1. The biggest child: the leader
Help: Have a sense of responsibility and leadership
The eldest child is the center of the universe in the first few years of life, and the world revolves around itself. With the birth of siblings, he had to "manage" his younger siblings. Parents will give part of the responsibility to the boss, who must learn to share, tolerate, and help and care for siblings. The oldest child experiences the role of "leader" throughout childhood, and this "leadership" personality trait is also brought to the adult world.
For example, 64 percent of U.S. presidents are the eldest children in their families. Look at Forbes Magazine's 2015 "10 Most Influential Women in the World," five of whom are the biggest children in the family.
A 2016 study published in The Journal of Human Rescources showed that on IQ tests, the oldest children scored higher IQ scores, and on average, the oldest children scored higher academically than siblings, which researchers believe is related to the fact that parents gave their elders more early education and attention in early childhood.
Resistance: The pursuit of power, too conservative
The "birth order theory" says that the oldest children have a greater sense of morality but are less social than siblings. They are too accustomed to their position and power, and speak to others with a commanding or persuasive tone. Therefore, the oldest children should pay attention to whether they have this attribute and give colleagues, subordinates, and family members an equal opportunity to speak.
The oldest children are power-driven, self-motivated, and controlling, but they are likely to follow rules and authority excessively, and thus tend to be too conservative.
2. Youngest child: innovators
Empower: Take risks and innovate
The rules of the home are often relaxed a lot for the youngest children, because parents have to take care of many other things and can't manage too many details.
When they are with their siblings, older siblings set new rules, so the rules can be changed in the eyes of the youngest children. The youngest children will think: Maybe a fight can change it...
The youngest child receives less punishment and discipline than siblings, and it is for this reason that he is more willing to take risks, he has a pioneering spirit, and with innovative ideas he will try to achieve it.
Many of the most creative minds in human history have been the youngest children in their families. Of the 28 most outstanding scientific discoveries and inventors in human history, 23 were the youngest children.
Copernicus, for example, was the youngest of the four siblings, who set off a scientific revolution that shocked mankind and dared to say to the world: The universe does not revolve around us, it revolves around the sun. He must be able to think outside the frame and have superhuman courage.
Frank Salovey mentions in the book Naturally Rebellious that in society, the oldest children tend to support the status quo, while the youngest children often support rebellion and innovation. This is precisely because in childhood, the oldest children need to play the role of parents to maintain order, and they strive to resolve conflicts. The youngest children prefer to provoke authority, try to change the rules, and want innovation and turmoil.
The youngest children are the creators of innovative ideas, such as Voltaire, Rousseau, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson are the youngest children in the family.
The greatest inventor, Benjamin Franklin, was one of the founding fathers of the United States
In addition, because they grew up pampered, the youngest children are also friendlier and more social. But because they have strong siblings as role models and competitors in their growth, they are never short of ambition and always want to surpass, so many "youngest children" have become dark horses and achieved extremely high achievements.
Disadvantages: impulsive, irregular, overly risky
Character tendencies that provoke rules, traditions, and authority may complete the "youngest child" to become an innovator, or it may make him unconsidered and overly risky.
For example, the American military general MacArthur was the youngest child in the family, and his famous saying was: "You are remembered for breaking the rules, not for following the rules!" During the Korean War, he "expanded the area of hostilities" without consulting Washington, so President Truman ordered MacArthur's removal from all positions before the end of the war, which shocked the outside world.
3. Child in the middle: Negotiator
Help: Strong empathy and good at negotiation
The middle child has to deal with both larger and smaller siblings than himself, so the middle child must be able to switch roles at any time, speculate on the different needs of others, and balance his own desires. Therefore, in the process of growing up, the middle child has a lot of experience in communicating, negotiating, trading, weighing and negotiating with siblings of different ages, and has a high sensitivity to the needs of others, empathy, and the ability to communicate and negotiate.
This ability to perceive the needs of others and the ability to negotiate has led to the birth of many highly successful businessmen among the children in the middle, such as the former world's richest man Bill Gates, the investor Buffett, and the former world's richest Mexican Sliem Elu, who are the richest people in the world and are also "middle children".
Resistance: Lack of self-confidence, low sense of morality
There is a special word in English called "middle child syndrome middle child syndrome", which means that the middle child is easy to feel neglected. Because the oldest children tend to receive privileges and responsibilities, the youngest children are easy to get pampered and indulged, and children born in the middle do not have a clear role in the family, receive relatively little attention, and will feel "neglected", thus affecting self-confidence.
Studies have shown that the middle children have lower academic performance than siblings, the lowest proportion of faith, and a lower sense of morality.
4. Only child: A devotee
Boost: Confident and focused
It is said that it takes 66 days for a habit to be formed, so the only child has thousands of days to develop the "only son's thinking mode", that is, no one competes with him for the family's attention. Therefore, the only child will feel that the world revolves around him, and when thinking about problems, he will start from his own point of view. The only child has a special kind of self-confidence, and since he has not experienced too much competition and has less experience of frustration, he will think that he has the ability to change the world.
Another advantage is that the childhood of an only child is not disturbed by siblings, so they can focus on what they like and continue to deepen, so they are accustomed to setting goals and steadily achieving them.
There is also a study that says that because there is no lack of love, the happiness of the only child is also relatively high.
Resistance: Self-centered, not knowing how to listen
Because throughout the growth process, the only child is the focus of family attention, they are accustomed to self-centered thinking about problems, lack of experience of listening to others, and difficult to switch the perspective of others. Therefore, the only child's social communication ability and empathy will be worse than that of children with siblings.
In life, only children are accustomed to being cared for and guided by their parents, and they also have a tendency to be dependent.
Pavel Mischenko, one of the world's top 500 business consultants, told a story at TED: he was the only son in his family, and as a businessman, he was confident when he spoke and presented products, but the feedback from colleagues was that he did not know how to listen to the needs of customers.
After learning about the "birth order theory", he practiced "listening" at home according to the instructions of the tutor, and he said to his wife: "Tell me what happened in your day, and I will listen to you as the tutor asked." So his wife began to talk about the things she had been with her children during the day, and after twenty minutes she suddenly began to cry. She said: "Maybe you're just completing the task of mentor, but we've been married for ten years, and this is the first time you've listened carefully to me." ”
Mishko was shocked, as an only son, he never realized that he had not been able to listen to others well.
Factors influencing gender and age difference
However, there are many factors that make exceptions to the birth order theory. One of them is gender. If the eldest and the second gender are different, both children may form the characteristics of the eldest, especially in those families where gender roles are clear, both children will assume the responsibility of the boss of their own gender.
The eldest and second eldest of the same gender often have opposite personalities.
The second factor that makes the exception is the age difference. The smaller the age difference between the hands and feet, the more pronounced the effect. When two children are more than 4 years apart in age, the impact of the "birth order theory" is reduced, and the age gap weakens the competition and cooperation between them.
Of course, the birth order alone cannot determine a person's fate, individual differences, culture and religion, social environment, education and nurturing, and opportunity are all important factors in shaping personality.
But you need to understand that in the child's growth, the birth order of the family will give the child's behavior and thinking habits role characteristics, and the formed personality will also be brought into the adult life. If you understand the "resistance" and "help" of birth order in personality, you can actively make it have a more positive impact on fate.
"Knowing your own history can explain your past, clarify your present, and liberate your future."