These two days on the vibrato there is a very hot mother and baby dialogue, the child asked the mother if he was admitted to Tsinghua, what will the mother think, the mother said that he would be proud of him, the child said that if he was admitted to Peking University, the mother said that he would also be proud, finally, the child said that if he roasted sweet potatoes?
Mom said that if you roast sweet potatoes and bake them sweetly, Mom will be equally proud of you. Many netizens were touched by the mother's education method in the video, jokingly calling it: sweet potato education.
What makes everyone feel happy about "sweet potato education" is the respect and support given by the mother in the video when dealing with her child's childish ideals.
(Image from the Internet)
But this is rarely seen in many parents in life. Most parents always hope that their children can follow their own experience and advice when dealing with their children's ideals and life goals.
This kind of education is universal and plausible, and the experience of adults can indeed help children who have never been in the world, but this help will become a shackle that restricts children in the hands of stronger parents.
01
Some children emo from an early age
The children in the sweet potato-style education videos get the respect and support of their mothers after confiding in their little goals to their mothers.
But in many families, when children confide in themselves and show that they want to engage in non-high-paying occupations, such as cooks, sanitation workers, etc., some patient parents will slowly change their children, some less patient parents, and even deny their children on the spot, and begin to "talk loudly" about the beginning of the child's professional outlook began to change, teaching children that they should become a doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur, etc.
Under some education, the child seems to understand and show that he understands, and then he will become a teacher, a lawyer, and a doctor. Gradually, he lost hope for his goals and ideals.
Under the arrangement and careful teaching of the parents, the child looks all right and is not alarmed, but in fact, the inner view of his life and the future is incomparably empty.
As a result, we now see a large number of young people who are increasingly dissatisfied with the state of their lives, they are afraid of difficulties, avoid difficulties, emo, mourning, depression.
We saw the "Deer Dawson" incident, we saw depression being included in student physical examinations, and we saw thousands of depressed children being tortured.
Some of these children were told that their families were poor, that they must study well and not have any other ideas, that some were denied their ideals, and that their parents said that they were unlearned and worthless.
In life, a friend talked about his life experience, friend A said that when he was young, his mother and aunt asked him what he wanted to do, he said that he wanted to do fashion design, not to say that it was okay, so it caused laughter.
Since then, he has been silent about his ideals and preferences, and to this day, instead of designing his favorite clothing, he followed his parents' advice and was admitted to the civil service. From the outsider's point of view, this ending is quite good, but only he himself knows that the countless possibilities of his life have been completely crushed by the ridicule of his family.
There are many children who experience the same experience as him, not only in terms of ideals and personal goals, children are often determined and supervised by their parents for the food they want to eat, the books they want to read, and the music they want to listen to.
Today's young people feel that "emo" and "mourning" are not only produced after walking out of society, but have been planted as early as childhood.
02
The mourning of young people
It is the inability to realize self-worth
In Japan, the social group that has attracted the same attention as the empty nest elderly group is the Japanese "nibbling old people". The japanese old people have no jobs, the gate does not go out of the second door, and they rely on their parents for food, drink, housing and transportation.
These old people are physically and mentally normal, and they are reluctant to go out of the house and enter society because they don't know what they should do, what they want to do, and what they can do.
Like today's young people, many people don't know where their value lies. Many young people are told when they are on campus that as long as you study hard and get into college, you can do whatever you want.
In fact, going to college and entering the society ushered in the troubles of the pressure of further education as the student era, in the face of these troubles, coupled with their own confusion about the future and the status quo, young people began to "emo" and began to hug the group for warmth.
All the emo and mourning seem to be idle and sentimental in the eyes of outsiders. But for those who are experiencing confusion, the lack of self-worth is really terrible.
Two days ago, the topic of the sharp rise in the number of young people in the 2021 examination was on the hot search. On this topic, many people discuss whether young people choose to take the exam in order to serve the people, or simply want to get a stable job.
As well, for young people to all run to the public examination, no one started a business, innovation, and the conclusion of affecting the market economy emerged in an endless stream.
In fact, young people do take the public examination for a large part of the reason, may be to escape the fiercely competitive market, choose a stable and comfortable life. But there is also a reason why many young people choose to take the public examination, that is, they don't know what else they can do.
From elementary school to college, a child who has been taking exams, after walking out of society, he can only think of passing exams to get a job.
I once read an interview about life planning in a report, a post-95 factory employee, his view of his career is to make enough money to leave, with a rich resume to continue to look for the next one. At first glance, the thinking is clear, the logic is reasonable, and it is sober in the world.
But when you think about it, it doesn't seem so correct, because he doesn't mention his own value in the planning of life. Making money, jumping jobs, making more money, is like a person who buries his head in the process, walks all the time, but has no direction.
The lack of self-worth has left more and more young people confused. What is even more frightening is that this situation may be caused by parents, schools, and society.
Encourage children to be their own parents, while requiring children to be among the best in school, requiring children to develop personalized learning, and not paying attention to the education of music, painting and sports.
Education about children's self-worth and cognition is a key factor affecting children's mental health now and in the future, and for parents, such education is urgent.
03
How to cultivate a child's self-worth?
A child who lacks a sense of self-worth is easily influenced by external voices, has a low tolerance for setbacks and failures, and often belittles his abilities.
When you grow up, you are likely to have no enthusiasm for your life, lack of self-motivation, lack of motivation, and so on. Over time, the state of decadence will make people's psychology become depressed, and then transform into psychological diseases such as depression.
The best period for cultivating a sense of self-worth is in a person's childhood. Parents should pay attention to these points when cultivating their children's sense of self-worth.
First, self-esteem and self-love
Children's cognition of self-worth is first of all based on feelings, what kind of person they are, whether they like it or hate it.
Whether it is avoidance or guilt when making mistakes is an emotion that children will have when they get along with themselves.
If a child does not respect and love his personality, emotions, and body, then he must not be able to identify with his own value.
In this regard, what parents have to do is to guide their children, whether mentally or physically, children must learn to love themselves.
When dealing with your own mistakes and mistakes, you must learn to forgive yourself and accept your imperfect self.
Second, the meaning of success
A large part of the child's lack of self-worth is due to frustration.
Whether in learning or in games, children feel frustrated when they encounter difficulties that cannot be solved.
This kind of frustration in the eyes of the child is dissatisfaction with himself and the depreciation of self-worth. Or if the child loses the exam or the game, it will make the child have a self-deprecating behavior.
In daily life, parents should also tell their children that successful diversification is not a good result, and good words are the only success.
Let children understand that they have more choices in their lives, more places to reflect their own value, and let children have more courage in the face of setbacks and failures.
Third, help children understand themselves
What the child likes, what the child's interest is, what the ideal is. The cultivation of these hobbies and specialties is not just a chicken baby.
The development of interest ideals can help children establish learning enthusiasm on the one hand, and on the other hand, let children constantly explore their own values.
Parents after learning about the child's wild and naïve ideals, do not rush to deny, perhaps you will feel that the child is not suitable, but it is not suitable, whether the future will really succeed, this is fundamentally important.
What is important is the child's understanding and cognition of himself in the process of exploration. After experiencing failure and hard work, the child will end his or her behavior.
In the child's self-perception, parents should always play the role of companion, helping to guide the child to pursue their own ideas, rather than providing strong advice and demands. I also hope that more and more children can have a clear understanding when facing themselves.