After falling in love at first sight, he chose to enter marriage when he was in love, thinking that married life would be romantic and sweet, but in just a few years, the lover seemed to have changed his appearance, and his affection dissipated, only paying attention to the unwillingness and resentment in his heart. Is this the case with the so-called "marriage is the graveyard of love"?
In the Japanese drama "Quartet", there is a couple who are called by netizens that their marriage broke up because of lemon juice - Kansheng and Maki.
The encounter between the two came from a casual conversation in a taxi. Soft-spoken, intellectual beauty Maki suddenly attracted the attention of Kansheng; Gentle and considerate, and very considerate, Kansheng, who is very good at thinking about people, makes Maki feel good. So the two quickly fell in love, dating, falling in love, and getting married.
In Maki's heart, he is a model husband who is kind, reliable, humble and caring, and the perfect person she has been looking for in her heart who is willing to start a family with him, with whom she can support each other, give up the glamorous stage, and live a dull life day after day;
In the heart of Gan Sheng, as a violinist, she is beautiful and elegant, has a high musical talent, is full of mystery, and how attractive she is on the stage. He could have imagined how romantic, heartwarming, and sparkling it would be to live with her like this.
However, life after marriage is not as good as they imagined.
After marriage, Maki returned to the family, gave up the violin, and was confined to a trivial family busy life. In this way, she gradually lost her charm in the eyes of Gan Sheng, he did not want a wife who only talked to herself every day about supermarket discounted goods and boring TV drama plots, and her married life was only boring daily life.
And Maki enjoys the happiness of a housewife and strives to run the harmonious and warm family in her heart, but gradually forgets the communication with her husband.
Couples who have been married for two years have long lost time for intimate conversations, and they cannot detect the disappointment and dissatisfaction of their husbands when facing lemon fried chicken, nor do they understand what their husbands sleeping next to them are thinking.
This couple, who originally had a deep emotional foundation, got along more and more plasticly, and the two hearts that were originally connected became more and more far apart. In the end, Kansuo escapes the family, while Maki guards the house of a man; After a year of separation, the two chose to divorce.
Why is that? Is marriage really the graveyard of love? Does daily married life really wear down the relationship between the two?
There are also many couples similar to Kansho and Maki in real life. After many years of marriage, many people will say: "My love for you (my partner) has long been transformed into family affection, marriages in the world are like this, who will pursue the feeling of love after marriage?" Family is the focus."
Married life has become bleak, even if there are more words between husband and wife, what conflicts and contradictions are in their hearts, they are hidden in the "calm" family atmosphere, suppressing true feelings and maintaining a "harmonious and stable" relationship.
Such relationships are called "pseudosexual intimacy" in psychology, which seem intimate, but are actually unfamiliar.
Kansheng and Maki are typical of pseudosexual intimacy. In the relationship between the two, each tries to avoid those conflicts and factors that affect the stability of the relationship.
Therefore, Kansheng obviously does not like to eat lemon fried chicken and does not want to let Maki know, and does not want his wife who is full of expectations to see him become disappointed and lost, thinking that this is a performance of his gentleness and thoughtfulness. After Maki accidentally learned the truth, he did not feel that her husband was considerate at all, and only thought "we may not be husband and wife".
Similarly, when Maki heard her husband say to his juniors, "I love her, but I don't like her anymore", he obviously felt shocked, disappointed, angry, sad and painful, but when he saw the dry life who rushed home and wanted to communicate well, he chose to treat it as warmly as usual, pretending to be fine. This made Gan Sheng not know how to speak, and eventually lost the courage to communicate and turned to flee.
Most couples caught in fake intimate relationships are not in love with each other, but do not know how to express and show love.
Both choose to hide their true feelings, play the appearance they think the other likes, please each other, and secretly escape the conflicts and instability necessary in intimate relationships.
In such a mode of getting along, each other's love quietly loses in disappointment again and again, the passion of love cools step by step, turning into a pile of ashes, and finally we may lose the motivation of our lover and become cold and numb. So the saying "marriage is the grave of love" is verified, and the gorgeous robe of marriage is full of lice.
Many times, we always pursue the "love myth" that our hearts desire. Just like Maki and Kansei, what ignites the passion for marriage is actually the fantasy that each of them projects on each other.
Maki's heart longs for a warm and harmonious home, she just likes the family life with Kansei, but she rarely pays attention to Kansheng's inner needs and has no awareness to understand.
And what Kansheng always wants to love in his heart is the mysterious and distant Maki who shines on the stage, but this is only one side of Maki, so when faced with returning to family life and the plain Maki, Kansheng will be so disappointed and more dissatisfied with this marriage.
So, when fantasy is shattered by reality, the original passion disappears.
And in order for the passion of love to continue and let love blossom for a long time, we may need to take off this "mask", learn to establish real emotional connections, and truly produce real and lasting intimacy.
And if you want to remove the protective mask for a long time, you will inevitably experience some pain, sometimes hesitate to withdraw, sometimes anxious and confused. Self-growth requires courage and pain, so you may wish to seek professional help and psychological counseling to improve yourself, improve your ability to love and manage your marriage.
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