Why do couples often quarrel? Most of it comes from communication. Today I'm going to teach you a few rules of communication to avoid arguments.
In fact, communication, we don't think of it as very complicated, pay attention to a few small methods on it, do you think it has your makeup complex? It's putting foundation and rubbing powder again, doing this and that. Is it complicated for you to learn dance? Is there a complexity with your work? No, it's actually a way of speaking. Today I will teach you two methods, as long as you put it into practice, you can avoid a lot of quarrels, and you can make your relationship better and better.
First: Don't say the opposite
I asked everyone a question: "Have you ever experienced such a situation, similar to your husband asking you, do you want to put this dish in the refrigerator at night?"
A very common question, in real life, you think about how you will reply, many people say: "What do you say?" Or: "Do you want to put the head of the bed?" Or did you eat it?" In fact, it is a very simple answer: "yes" can be, but you will always use some counter-words to respond to the other party.
For example, your husband asks you what is where? You say, "In my hand," is it really in your hand? It must not be, so you see, it just complicates this problem.
I said a scene that I recently went to a friend's house to see, and everyone thinks about whether you have had a similar experience, when I went to her house, she was eating a snack, and then she didn't eat it, and the snack bag needed a clip to clip it up, and she said to her husband, "Husband go get a clip." ”
Her husband asked, "Where is the clip?" You see, she immediately said, "On my hand."
Her husband didn't say anything, so he asked, "Is it in the kitchen?" She said, "What do you say?" ”
Her husband explained, saying, "I don't know which clip you want to use" She said again: "What clip can you use?" With folders? ”
That is, it can be very simple to say, you go to the kitchen to help me get a clip, clip it up, but this topic is complicated. To tell the truth, her husband's temper is really good, it is me, I can't stand my violent temper, this is to create a contradiction.
But in fact, sometimes, you may just say it casually, but the other party may feel very complicated, because what is your expectation, you may feel in your heart, such a simple question still needs to be asked? But he may not really know, just like one plus one equals two, which is very common to us, but for a child who has never been to school, he may not really know.
Second: When the other party does not meet your psychological expectations, beware of blurting out complaints and accusations
Sometimes, we have high expectations for each other. For example, let's say, you are very tired today, you are very eager to go home, you can eat a hot meal, as soon as you come home and find that he is not cooking, he is playing with his mobile phone on the sofa, you immediately catch fire, what happened? What do you do at home? Don't cook, don't know how tired I am?
You see the accusation and complaint will come out, but the other party does not know what the reason, maybe he is busy at work, maybe what happened to him? You don't understand, but after this kind of accusation, even if you are right, it becomes unreasonable.
Including such accusations, what else will appear? In hindsight, for example, it is possible that women will say these words, and you think that you did not say: "Look, don't listen to me, I told you at the time, suffer losses!" Have you ever said that?
Before, a fan told me that his wife asked him to hoard some rice or something before the epidemic, he did not hoard, and then it was indeed that the family did not have to eat, and his wife immediately came: "You see, I let you hoard you do not hoard, now hungry, you should starve to death." What does this mean?
From a psychological point of view, I understand you very well, and you want to try to tell your partner to say, "You see I'm right, you have to listen to me," but it's actually a fight with him.
In this case, I still use a sentence said by my wife to respond to you, every time I want to talk to my wife, when I have some reason, she will say such a sentence, she said: "What is the point of you fighting with me?" What's wrong with you bullying me? After saying this, I basically have nothing to say, we are partners, what is the point of me bullying her?
So husband and wife are a whole, and you fight to win or lose in this whole, just like your left hand and your right hand, there is no point in having to win or lose.
Have you learned these two skills, and I hope that in the process of getting along, when you want to say the opposite, when you want to blame, think about what I told you today.