Aunt Zhang of the community has a conflict with her daughter-in-law again! The reason was that she did not have the consent of her son and daughter-in-law, and took the initiative to help her granddaughter change to a low-priced art training institution to learn dance, which made her daughter-in-law particularly angry and argued with her. Sister Zhang feels that by doing this, she is also reducing the burden for her son and daughter-in-law, and children learning dance is just to pass the time, and it is the same wherever they learn. The daughter-in-law feels that the mother-in-law usually interferes in the small affairs of the family, even if it is not considered, now even the child's education issues must be intervened, which is simply incomprehensible.
Aunt Zhang's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were not very harmonious originally, and the daughter-in-law knew that she could still live on her own, but she insisted on living in her son's house and causing trouble to her son and daughter-in-law, which was very incomprehensible. Aunt Zhang thought that they were old and took it for granted to live with their sons, not to mention that they only had one son, and they could only count on him when they were old.
In fact, there are many people like Aunt Zhang who have the idea of "old age and dependence". In China, "raising children and preventing the elderly" is an obsession of parents, especially in rural areas. Although this concept is slowly fading now, there are still many people who are affected by the subconscious, thinking that "it is natural to live with your son when you are old", after all, the cultural cage of thousands of years can not be broken.
For young people, "raising children and preventing the elderly" is not only a spiritual and economic pressure and burden, but also the root cause of the contradiction between husband and wife and mother-in-law relationship. The mother-in-law complained that the young people "disliked" the old man; the daughter-in-law was also a grievance, thinking that the old man "occupied the magpie's nest" and was lonely like an "outsider".
"When I'm old, I want to live in my son's house, what's wrong with me?" Aunt Zhang was puzzled, and she was grumpy about her daughter-in-law's unfriendly attitude. In order to clarify the modern daughter-in-law's views on the problem of "living with the in-laws", I interviewed several women who had personal experience and found that married women were reluctant to live with their mother-in-law, not just the problem of "abandoning the elderly".
Ms. Deng, 33, has a 5-year-old child who has lived with her mother-in-law for three years
I was pregnant and had a baby, my mother was helping to take care of it, after the birth of the child, we hired a nanny who couldn't live at home, during the day my mother watched the child, the nanny did housework, and at night my husband and I took the child by themselves. In fact, this is also very good, but the mother-in-law is not at ease, and she wants to help us.
The mother-in-law came, she sent the nanny away, took care of the housework herself, and took care of the children with us at night, which really helped us a lot. However, my heart could not be relaxed. The in-laws are rural, especially frugal, although I will give them enough living expenses every month, but as soon as the mother-in-law has time, she will run downstairs to rummage through the garbage cans, pick up cardboard boxes, drink bottles and so on, hoard them on the balcony of the house, and sell them when she earns a certain amount. The child does not understand things, often goes to pick up the garbage, she does not care. I asked my mother-in-law not to get these, I couldn't make a few dollars, and I wasn't hygienic, she didn't listen, and I was so angry that I always took the child out of anger.
In addition, the meals made by the mother-in-law are not delicious, every day there are leftovers, do not let them be thrown away, always eat when they are hot, eat and then hot, and say that wasted grain will be struck by lightning. I joked with my husband that since my mother-in-law came, I didn't have to deliberately lose weight.
The child went to kindergarten the year before, and the husband told her mother-in-law that she did not need her to help take care of the child, so that she could go back to her hometown and enjoy the world of two with her father-in-law. The mother-in-law not only refused to leave, but also believed that I was instigating and "teaching bad" her son. In the community, everyone complained that we hated her and wanted to drive her away. Finally, the mother-in-law simply called her father-in-law and said that in this way, she could take care of all of us with peace of mind.
I am particularly uncomfortable living with my in-laws, but I have no choice, after all, they are my husband's parents, are elders, I can not argue with them, can only hold in my heart, occasionally complain to my husband a few words. Fortunately, the husband is still reasonable, and he is the one who solves the problem. Seriously, I am now looking forward to my in-laws returning to my hometown as soon as possible, so that I can really live a small life of "family of three".
Ms. Chen, 28 years old, was half pregnant and lived with her mother-in-law for three months
My mother-in-law came to live with us after learning that I was pregnant, on the grounds that she wanted to take care of me and her future eldest grandson.
For example, my husband plays until the middle of the night, I mutter, she will definitely let me leave it alone, saying that "the wife is less troublesome" and "good men are exaggerated"; I occasionally have dinner with friends, but she says "women should be self-respecting" and "good women are made". Husband leaned on the couch after work, busy playing games, brushing videos, she will definitely say "he works hard, relax is the right thing to do", I came home from work, my ass is not on the stool, she let me help do housework activities, said pregnant women can not sit and lie down. Every time I wanted to eat something, she would say that I was greedy, and when my husband said what he wanted to eat, she would buy it back without saying a word.
My mother-in-law also especially likes to mix things with our little couple, as long as we have a conflict, she will always speak from the position of her son, either scolding me for being bad or accusing me of not being able to do it. What was originally a very small thing, because of her mixing, will eventually evolve into a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. What makes me most angry is that since my mother-in-law came, my husband has also changed, becoming a full "mother treasure man", everything is "my mother said", the attitude towards me has also changed, I said a few words to him, I quarreled with me, completely disregarding my pregnant woman's mood.
For my mother-in-law, I really don't like it, even if I am pregnant now, I would rather not let her take care of it, I told her that I will let my mother take care of the child, and after the child is born, I can also let my mother help bring it, which means that I want her to go. She refused to leave, and put down a harsh word that she would talk to her son for a lifetime, and no one would want to rob her "good son", her son could change his wife, but he could not change his mother. My mother-in-law has only been here for three months, and I feel like I've been a few years.
Ms. Qian, 40 years old, the child is 12 years old, and has lived with her mother-in-law for half a year
My mother-in-law is very good and has a very low sense of existence, but I still don't want to live with her for a long time.
Last year, my father-in-law died of illness, and my husband took my mother-in-law over. The mother-in-law is very kind and diligent, as soon as she comes to the house, she helps to take care of the housework, clean up the house, buy vegetables and cook, work inside and out, and never let me touch my hands. Mother-in-law's words are not much, after the father-in-law is absent, her words are even less, stay in her room to watch TV after busy, or go out for a walk, wash and go to sleep.
Not only that, every time I quarrel with my husband, my mother-in-law always criticizes my son, let him let me have some, and also says that women have children, it is not easy outside the home, and men should know how to be considerate. Seriously, I feel that I am particularly lucky to have met such a mother-in-law. However, even with such a good mother-in-law, after more than a month, I gradually showed my discomfort and impatience. There is no specific thing, it is that I feel that there is one more person in the family, as if I am bound.
Every day after a busy day outside, when I come home, I want to be able to relax and do whatever I want. But my mother-in-law is here, how can I take care of her emotions, plus seeing my mother-in-law busy for us, I will always have a feeling of embarrassment and guilt, this feeling makes me very tired.
It is true that I do not dislike my mother-in-law, but these inexplicable discomforts of living with my mother-in-law often bother me. Maybe because this discomfort exists with each other, in fact, I also feel more or less uncomfortable with my mother-in-law. Half a year later, the mother-in-law wanted to go back to her hometown, saying that no matter how good it was, it was also her son's home, she wanted to go back to her own home to live, there were her relatives and friends, she let us often think about going back to her hometown to see her. After my mother-in-law left, I was greatly relieved.
Old, want to live in my son's house, wrong? In fact, it doesn't matter whether it's right or wrong. It's just that as the elderly, sometimes, you need to think about problems from the perspective and perspective of the next generation, and give them more understanding and tolerance. After all, halfway through life, there are old people on the top, small ones on the bottom, incomparably desolate, the soul wants to break through, but the flesh has heavy shackles, and no one is easy at this age. For women, when they reach middle age, they want to save their efforts to cope with the impact of life, do not want to be wrapped up in complex family conflicts, mother-in-law contradictions, and they refuse to live with their mothers-in-law. I think it's desirable.
In short, when mothers-in-law have the ability to take care of themselves, do not pin their own value on their children, live their own wonderful, find their own happiness; daughters-in-law, when they need their mother-in-law's care, should also be "old and old", giving men more consideration, understanding and tolerance. In this way, both generations can live their own lives.