Love needs the right order

"Spend" Parent Academy Learning Sharing:

Who's in My House.

"Children will be loyal to both parents and both families.

When one parent has the upper hand through his or her worldview and trust, the child silently connects with the father or mother who is at the bottom.

They do this in order to bring their loyal powertrain into balance. Rather, the tendency to compensate for imbalances is achieved through generation after generation. As a result, the losing side wins back against the second or third generation. ”

Honestly, for the family platoon, I have only heard about it many times and do not know much about it.

My current experience is that the family row is a scientific law that does exist, not metaphysics, let alone superstition.

The law that can be summarized is that almost every child with mental illness must have a sick family behind it. The pathology of this family is probably reflected in the serious problems in the arrangement of the family system.

For example, people often say "missing dads, anxious moms, sick kids." "Dad loves Mom, Mom loves everyone." "Dad is like Dad, Mom is like Mom, each performing his or her own duties and each in his place."

Yes, when a family, the father is in the right position of the father, and the mother is in the right position of the mother, in order to pass on the true, safe and appropriate love to the child.

Children are born to instinctively worship, love, and trust their parents, and when parents are in love with each other, the child is happy and has no worries. However, when the child sees that the two people he loves deeply love and kill each other, he is forced to take sides, forced to make choices, forced to obey one side to attack the other, and worry about the disintegration of the family, it can be imagined that the world on which the child lives has collapsed, the little heart has been torn apart, and life has become overwhelmed. In this way, how can we grow up with peace of mind, be a happy little child, and be a good student who concentrates on learning?

"It feels like I won't love anymore." It's true. When my daughter was in the third or fourth grade of elementary school, she formed a "no-marriage alliance" with several little girls with unhappy families, and despaired of marriage, love, and family to the extreme.

For example, the father chose the absence, "widowed marriage, widowed parenting", a woman assumes the pressure of exceeding her role, toiling and running, angry and wronged, and it is difficult to maintain emotional stability. And when the father who throws his hands in charge of the inner self-blame, guilt, inferiority, etc., can not be transformed into compensation and kindness to the family, but it is easy to breed a broken jar and broken mentality, "Anyway, I am like this, you will not respect me, welcome me, then I still choose to continue to lack." Exhausted mothers, even if they are repeatedly suppressed, full of negative emotions, there are always times when they are out of control, and at this time, the weakest children often become innocent victims. Such a family that has been terminally ill for many years, not to mention the child is sick, every family member is physically and mentally unable to escape the torment of illness.

A tragedy is taking place in my hometown, which is obviously related to the chaos in the family row.

A ninety-three-year-old grandfather, who has no one to support, is suing his children with the help of legal aid.

When Grandpa was young, he was quite capable. At the same time, he is also a big turnip and often beats his wife. In order to survive, the wife had to go to live with another adult son, leaving her two underage daughters.

You can imagine how painful it would be for a mother to abandon her young daughters and be forced to leave her mother's place. And those two poor little girls, forced to grow up overnight, took on all the heavy housework that their mother had done before.

When the two little girls kissed, the mother was not allowed to participate, and the lack of teaching and lack of love caused by the absence of the mother made the two little girls despised by the in-laws and suffered a lot of harm.

One of the little girls also took poison to commit suicide because of this, which shows how desperate she is.

Take the current children to compare, in this case, the children can stumble and grow up, there is no depression, and it is fortunate to be able to successfully start a family.

In short, there must be a lot of harm that this old grandfather has done to the whole family, so one of his sons has not been able to start a family for life, and the other son's family is unhappy.

Therefore, Grandpa's wind and candle are dead and cannot be treated kindly. The children complained of the pain and grievances, anger, and depression of that year, and cursed their father with fire in their eyes, and they did not deserve to be supported and cared for at all, and they should have died in the first place.

Are there fewer such tragedies? Definitely quite a few.

I think of the home row as a family with mentally ill children.

There are many netizens who say that they have now become grandchildren and great-grandchildren, speaking cautiously, the atmosphere does not dare to come out, unreasonable requirements and treatment for children, including children's scolding behavior to parents, corporal punishment behavior, powerless to resist, can only promise, dare to be angry and dare not speak.

I myself am the one who has worked hard to return to the parental position from the position of great-grandson. This is important and necessary.

Because people have conscience, when parents sacrifice their dignity to accommodate their children, on the one hand, children will suffer from the torture of conscience. On the other hand, it will destroy the sense of security, "I am so bad, so tossing parents, they already hate me in their hearts, they certainly can't stand it for long, they will give up on me sooner or later." 」 "So bad behavior continues and cannot be contained."

Therefore, the home row is really important, love, in the right home row, in order to shine its brilliance, to create a beautiful!