Parents and friends, welcome to the "TutorIng Consultation Room". In the series of confusing answers to feedback in the past, have you felt that all the parents who asked the questions have a common concern, that is, the behavior of their children. Yes, basically, all the questions are around the child's behavior, such as homework procrastination, love to win and fear to lose, noisy and greedy, etc., and there is almost no mention of the child's psychological personality.
The parent we chose today to ask the question finally involved the child's psychological personality, as follows:
A parent in Chengdu
The child is in elementary school
The child belongs to a more introverted personality, which belongs to the hidden in the heart and is not good at expression. When encountering some things, I don't take the initiative to talk about them, and I have to ask a few times before I say them. If you run into a parent arguing, you won't cry or help one of them. It's the kind of thing that doesn't pay attention to. But I know better than anyone. Therefore, like this, parents are very afraid that adolescent children will not talk about what they encounter, accumulate in their hearts, and form mental illness.
Hello parent, you can bring up such confusion, indicating that you have been thinking more deeply about your children, which is a good phenomenon, but there are also risks. Because this involves "attribution", if there is a slight deviation, it is easy to fallacies, even fallacies.
For example, the parent said, "If you run into a parent arguing, you won't cry or help one of them." It's the kind of thing that doesn't pay attention to. But I know better than anyone." It is not difficult to see that the "heart knows better than anyone" after the "but" in it, do you think that this is the case?
The problem arises, because with such an understanding, there is a high probability that there will be subsequent worries, and it is obvious that this is a kind of straight-line thinking, or a logical slippery slope. How can you worry that your child will not talk to them when they reach puberty, and even form a mental illness? Without further asking the parent about the actual situation, we can actually understand the so-called "heart knows better than anyone", that is, the child is very independent, very mature, and has strong emotional management skills.
Is there a possibility of such an interpretation? Of course! Because this parent also talked about it earlier, they feel that the child's personality is introverted and not good at expression. This phenomenon, which is generally dismantled, usually has two possibilities: the child is born this way; the child is not stimulated during infancy.
Whether it is born or not depends on whether there have been such people in more than two generations of the family, and there are not many, which is a blood gene judgment. Whether the infant is not stimulated, that is, whether the guardian maintains effective communication, this is the family environment judgment. In fact, there are many public methods for judging introverted personality, including short and flat genetic big data tests, but there are extroverts and introverts, why do you think that introversion is not good?
The key words for introverts in personality psychology are: unique, intrinsic, deep, limited, solitary, introspective, and think twice. No matter how you look at it, this can be a person's strength.
Of course, we also know that the parent's logical relationship is not worried about the child's introversion, but is not good at expression, which further leads to parents will fear that the child will be bullied outside and will not come back, and may even fear whether the child will be depressed. Here, to clarify, there is no direct relationship between extroverts and depression, extroverts can also be depressed; as for being bullied and not talking, this is also just a hypothesis, because whether the child is willing to talk about his experiences mainly depends on his relationships with others, such as whether he has established a sense of trust, and dependence, and so on.
That is to say, the emotional trust bond between parents and children is the most important, if parents can make children feel concerned and loved, whether to talk or not is only a tactical problem, such as creating a solitary environment for each other, or stimulating topics with common interests, or letting children write words, are all methods, because introverted children are not unwilling to say, but they may think too much, do not know where to start, if you force the child to talk at this time, it will destroy the parent-child relationship.
Therefore, it is recommended that all parents who are willing to attribute personality from the child's behavior representation must avoid the introverted "diode" distinction, black and white things do not exist in this world, and the only thing that really exists is "guided by the situation", for example, introverted children may have good artistic talent, or can experience the emotions and ideas of others faster in interpersonal communication, and even achieve good results in research, just like Liu Qian, who has been introverted since childhood, likes to shut himself in a room and develop magic alone.
If you do not know how to guide the characteristics of children's behavior, but label the child, it can only be said that parents have knowledge blind spots, and they are not in a hurry to go to literacy?!
We hope that the above views and suggestions can help you in educating your children in the future, and we will continue to pay attention to your child's growth process to help your child grow up healthily.