When will a child with mental illness get better?

This is the answer that every parent of a child with a mental illness is anxious to know.

In the past, I would only say that on the basis of formal treatment, the speed of parental growth determines the speed of children's recovery.

I just watched a video of Zheng Zheng's psychology, "Eight Stages That Parents Will Go Through When Children Get Better", the description is very appropriate and true.

Sure enough, the ringer still needs to tie the bell, do not have to look around for answers, the parents themselves are the root of everything, "dear, there is no one else outside, only yourself", everything is good to ask for inward.

"Parents' attitudes and behavior patterns towards their children must go through the following eight stages, the eighth stage is the most difficult and the most important:

The first stage: the coping phase of emotional extremes.

At this time, parents are usually grumpy, mad, and use a tough attitude to suppress their children, thinking that the children do not care about it, and they are usually too spoiled. Or go to the other extreme, coax well, promise to let the child play, promise to give the child a lot of money.

In short, whether it is with extreme repression or coaxing, there is only one goal - to hope that the child will return to school and go to school well.

The second stage: the cognitive avoidance phase.

Suspect that the child has a problem, feel that the beating is also beaten, scolded and scolded, coaxed and coaxed, can not do. So I went online to check, the more I checked, the more afraid, but in my heart I still pretended to be okay, did not dare to face it, felt that the child would not be sick, and lied to himself.

The third stage: the stage that has to be faced.

The child's emotional behavior is becoming more and more abnormal, the parents say that nothing is useful, then the parents are afraid, take him to the hospital for a diagnosis, and the result has to be faced by the parents.

The fourth stage: the stage of formal change.

Parents have realized that the child has a problem, sick, at this time began to be obedient to the child, the requirements for him also had a 720 degree turn, the child completely relaxed.

Parents endured and suppressed, deliberately and actively to learn various family education courses. The only thought in my mind was", "Son, get better soon!" Hurry back to school, but don't delay any longer. ”

The fifth stage: the inner stage of the self.

You begin to be aware of yourself from the bottom of your heart, you begin to reflect on your child's problems, not just his personal problems, you begin to realize that there is a problem in the whole family, try to see these patterns behind your problems, starting from changing yourself, cultivating yourself, and growing yourself.

The sixth stage: the emotional stability stage.

Through learning, parents' emotions have begun to become more and more stable, sleep has also improved greatly, the voice, tone, and tone of speech have gradually become relaxed, the facial smile has also increased, and the time when they are happy is slightly more.

The seventh stage: the relationship repair stage.

Parent-child relationship, husband and wife relationship has been greatly improved, you can respect each other, maintain boundaries, more and more allow your family to be different from you, more and more accept the state of children, the family atmosphere began to become warm, harmonious, harmonious.

Phase 8: Support cooperation phase.

Understand each other from the heart, be able to give each other unconditional positive support and attention, through mutual cooperation, empower every family member, let every member feel their inner motivation, let the child see hope, see the future. ”

I just saw the speeches of the two group friends in the "Passing" Parents Academy, and I think it is very well said, and this video is also particularly appropriate:

"When a child is sick, he comes to save his parents. When parents live well, their children will be relieved to recover and live their own lives with confidence. ”

"There are preconditions for achieving boundaries.

It may be that at least one party can live out themselves, truly understand how to take responsibility for their own lives, and explore the needs of their own lives.

And to the other party, maintain a kind of acceptance and attention without expectation.

At this time, the other party will naturally have its own life and its own boundaries.

This is indeed a big challenge for most parents. ”

I remember a netizen saying that his child was going to school in an abnormal state. But because the psychological counselor let the parents forcefully collect the mobile phone, the result was that the child completely lay flat, and has not gone to school for three months, does not go out, and the parent-child relationship with the parents is tense.

This morning, a netizen actually told me: "The child has a good relationship with me over the years, and then I learned a little family education, I always toss the child, always want the child to come according to my wishes, let the child become better, I have not changed, the result is out of control." ”

I was surprised, and I didn't ask her which homeschooling school she studied? Hey, isn't this getting more and more regressive the more you learn? The learned homeschooling is completely self-defeating, isn't that a black joke?

Because I pulled this netizen into the "crossing" parent school, I felt that I had a responsibility for her, and I patiently comforted her: "You can safely follow the teacher who crossed the parent school."

Any family education that violates human nature is doomed to failure.

For example, I don't want to be controlled, I don't want to be a marionette, this is human nature. The desire to be recognized, encouraged, loved, and accepted is also human nature.

And after listening to the nearly two months of public welfare classes and free group Q&A by the teachers in the Parents' Academy, I can safely say that the teachers have compassion, great respect for human nature, and convey a kind of humanistic care. The concept: change the child, change yourself first. To heal the child, first heal yourself. Love children, love yourself first, love overflowing. If you want to think about what kind of person your child becomes, parents themselves must first become that kind of person.

I think this is also a wake-up call for our parents, how to choose the right family education platform to learn, do not go astray, be cut leeks not to say, but also harm the children, harm themselves.

I personally believe that practice is the only test of truth, is your own situation and your child getting better or worse? Is the child emotionally stable? Is the parent-child relationship harmonious? These are all hard metrics.

I took the Buddhist route, and I was very disgusted that some people said, don't let your child affect your life, just throw it away, let him fend for himself. Or to say that collecting mobile phones, disconnecting the Internet, cutting off living expenses, forcing children to go to school or work, parents are not obliged to raise a child lying flat. Or to adhere to the principle, adhere to the bottom line, otherwise the child will become more and more lawless and unmanageable. The child is going to jump off the building and let him jump well. It's scary, though. If you really jump, you will jump, and living is also a burden...

At the end of the article, I wish that every parent who is in trouble can embark on the road of learning growth and change as soon as possible, and reach the eighth stage as soon as possible: the stage of support and cooperation. Be able to understand each other from the heart, be able to give each other unconditional and positive support and attention, and empower every family member through mutual cooperation, so that every member can feel the motivation of their own hearts, so that children can see hope and see the future.