Parents should be brave enough to return to their right place

"Spending" the 10th Session of the Parent School Co-learning Camp shared:

Last night's first joint practice activity, there was a parent's crying and narration, and the pain and despair transmitted touched everyone's heart.

The parent's cry is very similar to what another netizen said to me before, that is, the family order has been misplaced, and the child has become the boss of the family, the judge and the absolute authority on the grounds that he is an innocent victim. The child becomes the big, the parent becomes the small, the near obedient.

I remember the netizen said that late at night, the child asked her to listen, and as a result, because of drowsiness, she accidentally yawned, and the child was furious, saying that her mother did not respect him and did not love him. Punish the mother for sitting in the living room and not allowing her to sleep. Mom secretly sent me a message asking what to do? If the mother resists, the child will have an emotional breakdown, make a big fuss, and smash things. The neighbor would call the police, which had happened before. And I was already very tired and had to go to work the next day. Fortunately, an hour later, the child could not bear it and pardoned her. It was also warned that the punishment would be increased the next time it was committed. Poor mother can only promise.

Yesterday's parent described it even more than enough, threatening to hurt herself or hurt her mother, and forcing her to kneel down and plead.

To be honest, this is a complete description of hell on earth, a situation that I am most afraid of and have been trying to avoid. I kept thinking, what would I do if my daughter tortured me like this? What can I do?

I think that probably others will be arrogant and dry cloud big hand waving, "There is no hesitation, this kind of filial piety, just give up." However, as a mother, I really can't bear this heart. The others probably said, "Poor man, there must be something hateful." Then you will suffer it yourself. ”

Yes, our children are just sick, not bad. They are waiting for the help and redemption of their parents, rather than ruthlessly abandoning them.

Just think of it as a battle, prepare for the worst, do your best, and never give up until the last moment when you run out of food. After all, it is their own flesh and blood, really gave up, those stolen leisure and happiness, most mothers are always unhappy.

It is better to face the dilemma, face it positively, find the right direction, and achieve redemption for yourself and your children.

First of all, please don't worry and be afraid of this parent, since you are lucky enough to enter the big family of "spending" the parent school, the second brother Hua Blossom Teacher, Stupid Mother, Teacher Li, etc. will give you professional and powerful help.

Secondly, as a parent who is also in trouble, I would like to talk about my views, ideas, and practices, and think with you about how to prevent problems before they occur.

First, I have witnessed the trauma of a child with mental illness hurting his mother, and I am very scared, so I have been on the lookout.

The year before, my daughter once told me that she had dreamed that she had killed me, and she calmly described the dream. Think about it by day, think about it by night. I'm scared.

I immediately told my daughter that I was terrified. If you always make me afraid, in order to protect myself, I will definitely abandon you.

My daughter said she had just had a dream and never wanted to kill me.

I said that as a depressed person, if there are often harmful words and deeds, the family will always be more worried and careful than ordinary people. As long as you have put it into action once, your family, including your mother, will not give you a second chance to be free.

The daughter had taken online loans and impulsive consumption the year before. I took the ledger, pointed to the expenses that greatly exceeded my income, and calmly discussed with her the consequences of the family's financial bankruptcy if I did not adjust my behavior all the time. I said, I can save money and use money, I can sell my house for her to treat, recuperate, and consume, but my ability is limited, and when the day comes to the end of the mountains and rivers, what should I do? So my daughter knew it wasn't a threat, it was a reality: that is, her mother would let the police come and tie her up and send her to a psychiatric hospital for lifelong recuperation.

Some netizens will say that I am cruel and should not threaten my daughter in this way, so that my daughter will be afraid and increase the burden of thinking.

But I would say that this is not a threat, this is the reality. Do you want to watch the family wealth be scattered and empty? Let your daughter carry online loans and die in the end? I hope that my efforts can bear good results and help my daughter recover her physical and mental health and get back on track in life.

A netizen told me that she had sold her house, and she chose to let her vicious son spend it at will, and it was okay to spend it all, and it was not interesting to live anyway.

Then I would not accept such a tragic ending.

Life is choice, and choice is destiny.

First of all, I want to live, and I want to live well, healthy and happy, for the rest of my life. Otherwise, how can I be worthy of the upheaval and displacement of my life?

Second, I want to live myself well, constantly learn to grow and change, heal myself, increase my inner strength, and redeem my daughter.

As for whether my daughter can be successfully redeemed, I do my best. Although the daughter's illness has the reason for the improper parenting of the original family, there must be the cause and effect of her own past life karma. I only do my part, do my best, and obey the destiny.

To put it bluntly, even if my daughter chooses not to live well, it will not affect my own good life.

I was very impressed to see such a passage in an article: everyone should be afraid, there should be a bottom line. For example, the delirious psychopath is also afraid of doctors and nurses.

And, I think, a restrained love makes a child feel more empowered and secure.

Second, it is important for parents to return to their correct position.

The year before, in order to promote my daughter's success in returning to school, I was a grandson and great-grandson for a long time, doing everything to please, be careful, and walk on thin ice.

But it is useless, on the one hand, because of the anti-will of the song to meet, let yourself be wronged, complain, it is easy for parents to fall into a moody situation, it is easy to have a "love desire to live, hate to want to die" split and tangled emotions for children.

On the other hand, everyone has a conscience, including sick children.

The mother's flattery and condescension will make the child feel guilty, guilty, and self-blame, thus showing intensified behavior and willfulness. In addition, there will be insecurity, he will vaguely feel that I myself am so unruly, parents still endure anger and accommodate me, parents will of course be resentful, will one day can not hold back, will lose their temper. In the long run, I can't bear it, and I will definitely give up on me.

Therefore, parents must return to their correct position.

The two sentences spoken by the stupid mother who "passed" the parents' school that day, I deeply believed: Parents do not go against their own inner wishes to pay is not called coddling. Parents must be fearless, have strength, and adhere to principles and bottom lines.

Just like the stupid mother bluntly said to the child: you can not go back to school, I am willing to raise you for a lifetime. Then, return the child's subject to the child, let the child worry on his own, and think and act on his own.

It is precisely with this belief that under the premise of a good parent-child relationship, I have returned from the position of my great-grandson to the correct position step by step. "I'm big, kids are small." This does not mean a battle for family power, nor does it mean an emphasis on paternal authority. It is only to emphasize that as a parent, we should become a powerful person, a person who turns the tide, and a person who leads the child and her own destiny in the right direction.

Sacrificing one's own dignity, happiness, and personality, to obey the irrational child, to indulge the child's bottomless madness, this not only hurts themselves, but also hurts the child. It can be said that this sacrifice, on the one hand, fails to maintain the emotional stability of the child, and on the other hand, it fails to maintain the harmony of the parent-child relationship.

Because the child has a conscience, he will also be sad and unbearable, and he will hate himself and hate himself as he watches himself become a demon torturing his mother. Therefore, after he hurt his mother, his mood was still bad and he continued to torture his mother.

When I returned to my right position, I told my daughter that I would love her unconditionally, whether she had successfully returned to school, whether she had a chance to make a difference, even if she lay flat for the rest of her life, I loved her. Since I gave birth to her, it is a preferential policy to eat and wrap up the pocket flowers. Of course, my daughter also knows that it must be the level of coarse tea and light rice. However, this always gave her a sense of security.

I also told my daughter that her mother did not love herself enough before, so she lived a very anxious and painful life, so she did not have the strength to love her well, and she was not gentle and patient enough to hurt her. For the rest of her life, my mother will correct her mistakes and love herself fiercely. Mom first, she second. The daughter gladly accepted, she has felt from her grandmother and mother, there is no way to live well, not to take good care of their own people, it is impossible to have the ability to love others. It will only send anxiety and stress to the end, and will only emit suffocating poisonous gas to hurt the family.

I announced to my daughter the rest of her life plan: live every day healthy and happy. The daughter said that my mother should have done this a long time ago, lest you torture yourself and torture me again.

I have seen several children with mental illness also appeal to their parents not to pay attention to themselves and to arrange their own lives.

The affairs of the world are divided into one's own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of Heaven.

Parents love themselves, live well, take care of themselves, love themselves, love themselves, keep their emotions stable, calm, talk well, smile, shut up, let go, and love their children unconditionally. I think this must be the best love and the greatest support for children.

This is the apple that children want most.

Not the last thing a child wants: control, nagging, preaching, worrying, judging, passing on negative emotions.