What I see as "passing" the parent school

When my daughter was almost fourteen years old, she was diagnosed with mild depression. After three months of rest at home, he successfully resumed school, from the beginning he could not understand the lessons, could not complete the homework, and was anxious to hit the desktop with his head, and then gradually made up for the homework that he had left behind through self-study, and with excellent results, he was sent to the key class of the key high school. Although this process is still accompanied by intermittent leave requests.

Even the class teacher exclaimed, saying that my daughter was a child with potential and the most powerful learning ability among the children she had ever taught.

I also interviewed her curiously, how? She said it was simple, and it took forty-five minutes for others to figure it out, and I would have twenty minutes to figure it out.

In this case, blind optimism made me let my guard down. On the one hand, I thought the big black dog was gone forever. On the other hand, when the daughter was once again entangled with the big black dog, she failed to return to school. I still didn't pay enough attention, and I thought that good luck would once again come to me and my daughter.

However, the daughter was diagnosed with major depression at the age of fifteen and suspended from school, and after failing to return to school, she is now eighteen years old and has not been able to return to school. Whenever I pass by the school gate and look at the children in school uniforms and full of youthful vitality, I want to cry. Maybe my daughter wants to cry even more, because she was once the first grade, and now she is far behind, and it is difficult to chase.

How did all this happen? Why am I helpless and helpless in the face of difficulties?

Since joining the "Over" Parent School in March this year, my heart has been in the dark. It turned out that the opportunity had always been there, the lighthouse had always been there, but I didn't know, I had been missing it.

In the early days of my daughter's illness, it took me a long time to come out of "Why is it coming again?" Isn't it over long ago? I'm completely unprepared? I don't have the strength anymore," I thought in such pain.

The second time, I was more desperate, panicked and helpless than the first. I struggled and cried in my own pain, and I wanted someone to help me, but I didn't. I can't help my daughter anymore. Anxious and afraid, I am hurting myself and hurting my daughter.

Later, after listening to the group Q&A and public welfare classes of the teachers of the "passing" parent school, I understood that during my daughter's suspension and resumption of school, all my exhausted responses were not only ineffective, but also negative. Originally, my daughter was trying to climb the cliff and climb up, but I kept throwing stones at her, and kicking a few feet from time to time, making her bloody and painful, "one drum, then decline, three and exhausted." "That's why my daughter chose to put an end to the future at any time the year before.

Whoever hurts changes.

Since January last year, I have been embarking on the path of learning, growth, and change.

How to learn? To whom to learn?

Lots of fragmented information online that was helpful but really limited help.

Later, I began to read some books on spiritual growth and sound personality. In order to improve the efficiency and effectiveness of learning, in order to promote themselves to better think, summarize, adjust, but also to help more parents in distress, to achieve self-help and self-help, I began to publish articles on the Internet, write about myself and my daughter's mental journey, split a book into a small paragraph of text, and then with their own feelings, hoping to lead more parents to embark on the road of learning and growth and change, those books with growing hearts and sound personalities are our common mentors.

As a parent of a child with mental illness, I have suffered and am still struggling. When I was desperate, I was extremely tired and in extreme pain, and I really died. My daughter also discussed with me that we would go to the sea together to find a home, "facing the sea, spring and warm flowers." Talking about life and death at home is like talking about the weather. I pity these prosperous children, and even more pitiful parents. In order to save the child, the family's time and money are tilted towards the child, sent to hospitalization, to psychological counseling. But parents, who will save them? Who's in charge? Who's going to hurt?

I dare not say that I am such a savior, a non-professional, with limited qualifications, abilities, and wisdom, and I am also a poor person waiting to be saved. But I thought, how much power I can exert, how far things can be done.

In one year and four months, I had a total of 27,000 followers on several platforms, three WeChat groups, illustrating the need for help and support from parents. It shows how this vulnerable group, which is full of sunshine and cannot shine, needs to be seen, healed, helped, and supported.

And my strength is obviously not enough, I can only as a parent of ordinary mental illness children, and everyone to warm up, encourage and help each other.

However, the fierce quarrels that occurred in the WeChat group on the one hand made me feel disbanded, and on the other hand, I realized the importance of professional leadership.

Thanks to the fact that in March this year, the head of the "Passing" Parents Academy, Mr. Hua blossom, issued an invitation to me, and in the spirit of years of admiration for Teacher Zhang Jin, I joined at the first time without hesitation. In order to persuade more than a thousand group friends, I further understood and felt, wrote a number of related articles, and invited more than a thousand old group friends to join, learn together and make progress together.

After a period of study, the old friends have sent me private messages, thanking me for helping them find a better learning platform and find the right direction and method to move forward.

Next, I will briefly introduce the parent school that I have "spent" in my eyes for two months:

First, professional psychological counselors, experienced companions in the WeChat group free Q&A.

What impressed me was teacher Zheng Lihui, who was responsible for several groups by herself, soaking in those complicated chicken feathers every day to listen, soothe, encourage and awaken parents. Thinking of those children who are suffering, Teacher Li is anxious, I once heard her crying silently persuading parents, sometimes Teacher Li will also take a sledgehammer hoping to quickly hammer up the obsessive parents, "The children are all going to live, where are you still going to school and grade?" You're waking up!" ”

Second, regularly organize public lectures.

In addition to teacher Zheng Lihui, there was also a lecture by the stupid mother.

Stupid mom, like us, is the parent of a mentally ill child. But since she joined the "Spend" Parents Academy for more than a year, she has continued to learn and grow and change, not only the child has successfully returned to school, but she herself has grown into an experienced and professional companion. She has helped many, many families get out of their predicament and get a new lease of life. I listened to her lecture "Returning to school is a reconciliation", pain, regret, why didn't I join the "passing" parent school earlier? Why didn't I hear about such a lesson earlier?

If everything had been wrong, according to the stupid mother's scientific method, when my daughter returned to school, wouldn't I have been anxious and anxious, and pulled her hind legs hard with persecution and threats?

Third, the glittering "crossing the sonorous threesome".

This is also a public welfare lecture, and the speakers are Sauvignon Blanc, Wang Shuang and Liu Changyue.

Some netizens said that seeing these three teachers, full of spring breeze, joyful smiles and laughter, full of vitality, where is like the parents of children with mental illness?

Yes, these three teachers have also been parents of mentally ill children, and the mistakes we have made, they have also made. The stupid things we said, they said too. The stupid things we've done, they've done. The pain we have suffered, they have also suffered. We have suffered, and they have eaten.

But they are people who are truly turning suffering into the wealth of life.

After a short period of painful, confused and helpless struggle, they embarked on the road of learning and growth change, obtained the qualification of lecturer of non-violent communication and positive discipline, became practitioners of the unity of knowledge and action, and became the leaders of thousands of parents who had no way out in the darkness.

The three teachers are humorous, full of positive energy, professional, patient and loving explanations, in-depth and simple inspiration, empathy and guidance of witnesses, and are deeply loved by parents.

At the same time, the road traveled by the teachers has also become the hope and beacon of the parents, it turns out that as long as the parents persevere and grow up, the children will recover smoothly and live in the sun, and the parents can live better, better than when the children were not sick in the past.

Fourth, parents practice camp together.

In the public welfare camp, I learned to observe the breath, learned how to maintain mindfulness, live in the moment, let my body and mind be together, the experience of tranquility and happiness came unexpectedly, and the sleep disorders for many years were healed.

"The Law of the Mirror", "Living the Meaning of Life", "How to Say Children Will Listen, How to Listen to Children Will Speak", "When You Begin to Love Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You", "The Courage to Be Hated", "Intimate Relationship", this is the list of books in the first-order camp.

The teacher encouraged everyone to insist on watching the breath every day, insisting on reading and sharing, regularly hosting joint practice meetings, and discussing and inspiring each other under the guidance of the teacher.

In real life, parents who cannot speak, who are unheard, and who are isolated are given the opportunity to be seen, allowed to express themselves and be healed.

"It is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish", it is better to impart existing knowledge to people than to teach people the method of learning knowledge. The camp leads parents to stabilize their emotions and let go of anxiety through watching and breathing, and to flexibly apply their knowledge to improve their lives through reading and learning. These are not utilitarian choices in a short period of time, but have affected the change of parents' living habits for the rest of their lives.

Yes, watching breath and growing up for life has become an automatic and spontaneous lesson for parents for the rest of their lives.

Fifth, non-violent communication book clubs.

Nonviolent communication is a language of love that helps people integrate love into their lives, helps us listen to the observations, feelings, and desires of ourselves and others, helps us express ourselves honestly and clearly, and respects and listens to others. Under the guidance of love, to repair your heart, to cultivate a self that you all like, to cultivate a happy and perfect self.

At the book club, Teacher He Meiqi used gentle language and soft voice to guide us to read those words full of love magic, reminding us to love ourselves as we love others, love others as we love ourselves, and not judge, accuse, and reject, including the imperfect self. Help us to take a fresh perspective on how to distinguish between observation and comment, how to experience expressing feelings, how to make your own requests explicitly, how to listen with all your heart, how to love yourself, and so on.

Teacher He gently told us, dear, the answer of life is never in your mind, it is in your heart. Ask your heart, listen to its feelings, thoughts, and needs, don't drive yourself away with "should, must, have to", and grit your teeth like a machine and keep going. Take off your armor, put down your mask, you are human, living people, flesh and blood people who can breathe. When you learn how to listen to yourself, feel for yourself, and love yourself, then you can treat others the same.

Sixth, look at the picture of the Mona Lisa teacher.

As the saying goes, words are like their people, in fact, paintings are like their people.

Ms. Mona Lisa regularly reads the children's hearts in the WeChat group from the children's paintings uploaded by parents, opens the door of the children's long-sealed hearts, and listens to the children's joys and sorrows, painful struggles, and entanglements.

The extremely high accuracy made parents marvel one after another, eager to crown the teacher with the name of "half immortal".

Because the time to join is still short, the understanding of "getting through" the parent school is not comprehensive enough. But I think it must be the warmest, most professional, most powerful, most selfless and loving parent learning platform, there is no one.

From my own experience, even if there are the best doctors, the best psychological counselors, and the best panacea, parents will not learn to grow and change, and children will not be able to recover smoothly.

The whole family is sick and the child is taking medicine.

The speed at which parents grow determines the speed of their children's recovery.

Therefore, the change of parents' learning and growth is a very important and necessary thing. It's about the child, and it's not about the child. Parents have decades to go, don't you want to live better and happier? The child sacrifices his health and the future of the alarm that he sends to you, do you want to continue to be obsessed?

The rest of your life is expensive, don't waste it.

Life is choice, and choice is destiny. At this point, it's time for you to make a choice.

I am waiting for you in the "spending" parent school, oh, become a classmate, learn together, progress together, and be happy together!