The opening drama of 2022, the best cry is "The World of Man", because the plot is too real, in the words of netizens, "crying numb".
In particular, the famous scene of father and son quarreling between Father Zhou and Old Third Zhou Bingkun has aroused strong resonance from countless audiences.
The character Zhou Bingkun in the play was compared by his father with his brother and sister who were admitted to Peking University, and a 30-year-old grandfather cried like a child in the bed.
He told his father that you are ugly to hear what you say, where it hurts you will cut wherever it hurts, it is all raised by your father and mother, I did not show up. His father said a word, and you said is this not the truth?
Zhou Bingkun's voice was exhausted, and he asked twice with tears: Should the facts be said? Should the truth be told?
Why do these two lines resonate so much with us?
Because he is like a person who bears everything in the family, but longs for the affirmation of his parents.
How many of us have the wish in this life to make my father and my mother satisfied with me, and we have longed to be recognized by our parents all our lives.
Our inferiority, our helplessness, our mood of being inferior to inferior, our insignificance, will all be shot down in the face of the facts stated by our loved ones.
Getting the approval of parents is the desire of every child's heart.
The more children who have not felt attention and love since childhood, the stronger this desire is, and when they still can't ask for it for a long time, they will become a dark wound in their hearts, and they will faintly hurt from time to time.
Even if you are married and have children,
Even if it is nearly a year old,
Even if it is famous all over the world,
01
The fastest way to ruin your child
It's to belittle him
In 1968, psychologist Rosenthal conducted an experiment on 18 classes of children in a rural elementary school in the United States.
They first conducted a "future trend test" on the children, but did not really calculate the scores and results.
Instead, they randomly selected some students, told the school that the children had more developmental potential, and told them to keep it a secret.
After 8 months, after testing, it was found that students who had previously been randomly judged to have potential showed more extroverted personalities, more confident personalities, and stronger intellectual curiosity.
This was later named an "authoritative lie" by Rosenthal, who was authoritative to the school authorities and the schools to the students.
For most children, parents are their first authority.
In the program "It's Hard to Say And Want to Hear", there is an entrepreneur named Tang Xiangwei, since he was a child, his mother likes to hit him, and he always thinks he is not good, and thinks he is particularly bad.
Knowing that her child wanted to start a business, his mother acted in disbelief, determined that he had no ability to do anything in society.
Tang Xiangwei has always wanted to prove himself to his mother, but what he can get is still full of sarcasm and irony.
The frustration of this boy's raising his hand and throwing his hands and feet was really sad to watch.
In front of his mother, no matter how mature and stable he appeared, as long as he heard a word of denial, his inferiority and vulnerability were revealed.
Li Dahai, the son of actor Li Chengru, was "looked down upon" by his father for a long time and was insulted as "bullshit is not".
In order to please his father, he was always cautious and did not dare to easily rebel.
In order to get a word of appreciation from his father, he tried everything, singing, writing, directing, snooker.
But even if he tried his best, in exchange for his father's doubts about his "lack of professionalism".
Today, the middle-aged Li Dahai is still waiting for a simple recognition and praise from his father.
Whether it is Tang Xiangwei or Li Dahai, growing up all the way, the biggest expectation in their hearts is that their parents will nod their efforts and efforts.
Some people say that the quickest way to ruin a child is to keep belittling him. The ridicule and blows of parents will little by little disintegrate the child's confidence in himself.
What remains is a sense of inferiority and insecurity that is difficult to make up for all your life.
02
Children who are not recognized
In fact, I look forward to the approval of my parents
Psychologist William James said: "The deeper need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised." ”
A long time ago, the topic of "Guo Qilin hugged Guo Degang and cried" was on Weibo hot search.
The incident was that when Guo Qilin participated in the drama "Niu Tianqi", his father Guo Degang suddenly appeared on the stage and said to Guo Qilin: "The acting is good, better than me." ”
Hearing these words, Guo Qilin instantly rushed up to hug his father, and the tears couldn't help but flow.
Looking at Guo Qilin crying in Guo Degang's arms, he inexplicably felt empathy.
In fact, we are all children who are eager to be recognized by their parents, and a word of praise from our parents can make us excited.
From an early age, Guo Qilin received a strict education from Guo Degang.
I once saw Guo Degang talk about educating Guo Qilin on a short video, saying: "I scolded him enough at home, and he was not afraid of being scolded by others when he went out."
As Guo Degang said: There are no parents in the world who do not love their children, but a sentence of "scolding enough" makes us believe that Guo Qilin must have suffered a lot of grievances.
The hugs and tears at the end of the play were enough to prove how desperately he wanted to be recognized by his father.
How many do not recognize, how much recognition you want to get, or even more than that.
A few years ago, although the "Crossover Singer King" participated in by the actor Nursery was eliminated in the first round, she said that the biggest gain was to receive a WeChat message from her father.
My dad said to me: "What wins is hard work and pay, haha", he also sent a haha, which is the thing that makes me happiest, and my appeal has been achieved. ”
The nursery has a successful career, but over the years, I still hope to be recognized by my parents.
A word of recognition and encouragement from parents can make this adult of thousands of movie fans happy for a few days.
Singer Lu Keran said in an interview with "Youth with You 2": "I don't want my parents to be able to agree with me now, I only hope that they can see that I am really serious about doing this." ”
Children who are not recognized, in order to get a little recognition from their parents, repeatedly reduce their requirements, they can not recognize me, but first please see my efforts and take a serious look.
These all show that no matter how old the child is, they all crave the approval of their parents.
When I was not recognized as a child, I suppressed this desire deep into my heart, and when I grew up, I worked hard to hear my parents say one day: "Child, we have seen your efforts, no matter what the result, we love you." ”
03
Parental approval and encouragement
It is the wings of a child to take off
Modern thinker Liang Qichao can be called an example in the education of his children, creating a good story of "three academicians in one discipline, and all nine sons are talented".
The nine children have different choices of majors and are all very successful in their respective fields.
When her daughter Liang Sizhuang first went abroad to study, she had difficulty choosing a major. Liang Qichao suggested that his daughter read biology, and Liang Sizhuang followed his father's advice.
But after not long of studying, Liang Sizhuang complained to his brother that biology was not interesting and could not be learned.
When Liang Qichao found out, he immediately wrote to his daughter and told her: "Whenever learning is best because of where your own nature is, you often do more with less. "You don't have to mud daddy's words."
"You brothers and sisters can all study diligently, and I will never blame you for your homework, but it is because I have rushed too much and caused illness, which makes me uneasy."
After receiving encouragement from his father, Liang Sizhuang gave up biology and chose the library science where he was interested, such as fish and water.
When his daughter wanted to change majors, Liang Qichao did not seek complete blame, let alone anger, but recognized his daughter's ideas and gave the greatest support, believing that his children were diligent and upward.
Alain Podton said: "Our sense of self and self-identification are completely subject to what those around us say about us. ”
To develop a healthy sense of self-identity, children must first get recognition and encouragement from their parents, which is the source of children's self-confidence and the power to take off.
Just past the Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing "became popular overnight", and the most amazing thing was her mother's education.
As a girl, Gu Ailing wants to join the freestyle ski team led by male athletes, which is difficult.
But when her mother learned of her thoughts, she did not suppress or ridicule her, but affirmed that she had the courage to challenge herself.
During the training, she made a mistake and did not finish successfully. Mom appeared in front of her eyes with a smile on her face, hugged her, and cheered her on the other: "I'm especially proud of you!" You've done a great job! ”
No matter how Gu Ailing behaved, her mother always did not forget to praise her "stick" and affirmed from the bottom of her heart everything she did.
The education of Gu Ailing's mother reveals the power of "recognizing children".
It is the care and appreciation in her mother's words, and the support and understanding in behavior that brings Gu Ailing a great sense of value and happiness, and creates her "all-round genius".
03
No matter how good the education
Nor is it enough for parents who will recognize their children
We seek outside approval throughout our lives, and parental approval and encouragement is a lifetime of wealth for our children. So what should parents do?
Give your child more companionship
The large-scale family education program "Teacher Please Answer" once came to such a family. The relationship between father and son in this family is cold to the freezing point.
In the eyes of the father, the son will only play and is useless. In the eyes of his son, the father was very grumpy and did not care about him.
It turned out that this father had been studying abroad for the first 3 years of his son's birth, rarely accompanied his children, and could not find the shining points on his children, and did not know where to start with words of encouragement.
The advice given by the teachers is that the father should take more time to accompany the son, and the son also gives the father the opportunity to understand himself.
The father deliberately took time to accompany his son, and the relationship between father and son was indeed eased.
The father also tried to discover his son's strengths and encouraged them, and the laughter returned to the family.
Recognition can be late, but don't be absent
Don't let your child spend his whole life without waiting for a word of praise and approval from you, and the parent-child relationship should not only be harsh and majestic.
There is such a fragment in the variety show "Adventures of Life" that is touching, singer Fan Xiaoxuan said that one day her mother suddenly called her and said:
"Mom wants to tell you, you're really great. At that time, your mother did not support you, and your mother now tells you that I am sorry, and I don't know if this encouragement will come a little late. ”
This was almost the first time her mother praised her, and she desperately suppressed her excitement and calmly said to her mother:
"Mom, thank you, it's never too late for you to give me, it's important to me."
Parents' recognition and praise can be late, but do not be absent, for Fan Xiaoxuan, her mother's belated "you are really great" although it was late for a long time, it still brought her encouragement and strength.
Please trust your own children
At the Beijing Winter Olympics, China's youngster Su Yiming attracted much attention.
On February 15, he won the gold medal in the final of the men's big jump in snowboarding, becoming the youngest gold medalist in the history of the winter Olympics in the event, and he also gave the best Lantern Festival gift to the people of the whole country.
In fact, in addition to Su Yiming's identity as an athlete, he is also an actor.
He starred in the role of the small plug in the movie "Wise Tiger Mountain", and added a lot of color to the role with his superb skiing skills.
Later, he participated in film and television works such as "Rock Boy", "Born on a Brilliant Day", "His Highness the Wolf", etc., which are also remarkable and become high-profile child stars.
Being an actor or a professional skier became the first crossroads in Su Yiming's life.
With beijing's successful bid for the Winter Olympics, the idea of going to the country made him choose the latter without hesitation.
Everyone in the family knew it was safer to be an actor than to ski, but still chose to believe and support his decision.
At the beginning of the article, we talked about the "Rosenthal effect" in psychology, which refers to the phenomenon that teachers' ardent hopes for students can dramatically receive the expected effect.
This experiment is intended for teacher-to-student, but also for parent-to-child.
Parents believe that their children can do it, and guide them, and the child can develop in the direction that the parents expect.
Dr. Lin Wencai, a doctor of psychology, has proposed a concept of "psychological nutrition":
Psychological nutrition comes from the affirmation, praise, and recognition of important others. She believes that psychological nutrition is as necessary as physical nutrition, and without adequate psychological nutrition, people cannot be healthy.
Parents are the first important people of the child, and the recognition and encouragement from the parents is the best psychological nutrition.
May parents not be stingy about such psychological nutrition, so that children can grow up healthy and become better themselves under the nourishment of recognition and encouragement.
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