Adolescent Psychology Understand rebellious psychology and communicate correctly with children
Whether it is a gentle and well-behaved child, or a rebellious and ignorant child's parents, it will definitely encounter such a problem: children are disobedient and always work against me.
This is the psychological term known to the public - reverse psychology
What is reverse psychology
We all believe that we have the freedom to decide our own actions, and if this freedom is threatened, revoked, or reduced, we will want to restore the threatened freedom or prevent the loss of our other freedoms, and this motivation to protect freedom is called "reverse psychology."
Everyone will have a rebellious psychology, and this has nothing to do with age, and the reverse psychology will be reflected differently in different people.
Like what
When we were young, when we were just about to open the book to write homework, my mother suddenly told you: "What time is it, and if you don't write your homework, you know how to play with your mobile phone." "At this point, we didn't want to do our homework anymore.
Another example
When you read the weather forecast and said that it was a little cold today, you just wanted to add a coat, then your mother told you, "You still wear so little on such a cold day, and when you are old, rheumatism will kill you." Then you suddenly say in exasperation, "I'm not cold." Then slammed the door shut and went out.
For different people, the things that provoke rebellion are not the same, and the performance of each person's rebellion is different, some people hide the rebellion in their hearts, and the parents are indifferent; and some people will directly recoil, and sometimes even quarrel. The state of rebellion is closely related to the personality of the individual.
So, how is the reverse psychology formed?
(1) Language characteristics
Language characteristics are an important factor in our rebellious psychology.
Let me give you an example
If you had to choose the following few words to persuade others to borrow cigarettes, what would you say?
A. Anyone with a brain knows that smoking is harmful to health, and you must stop smoking immediately
B. For the health of you and your family, why not try to quit smoking?
C. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the proportion of smokers who have lung diseases after the age of 60 is 74%, and the proportion of non-smokers who have lung diseases after the age of 60 is only 4%, for your health, please choose to borrow a cigarette
Researchers have found that dogmaticism makes us feel threatened, "must" is an imperative word, "anyone with a brain" is a mockery of smokers, so A sentence is a very typical imperative word.
So what type of language doesn't easily provoke a child's rebellious psychology? One is to include hints of choice in words, such as B sentences, which indicate exhortations to smokers but also respect each other's ideas. In addition, a strong point of view or fair, objective, specific information will also reduce the likelihood of rebellion.
That is to say, in the face of a rebellious child of adolescence, we cannot rudely ask the other party not to give any impartial, objective, specific information to believe what I am saying.
(2) Feel the parents' incomprehension
Parents are the same parents, caregivers are the same caregivers, the difference is that the children are in different periods, and when the wishes of children and adolescents are blocked and interfered with by their parents, such as when you forbid him to play games, they will feel strongly ununderstood, emotional grooming will occur, and the relationship with the caregiver will go far.
So, for some seriously rebellious children, what should parents do?
Parents should focus on the following three questions first
Clarify parental responsibilities
The responsibility of parents is to create a space for their children to grow up, so that children can learn to master the ability to take care of their own success and happiness. Children have their own life and freedom, and are not the executors of the parents' will.
Be friends with your child as early as possible
Parents should establish a friend relationship with their children, which will be very helpful for future parent-child communication. But at the same time, parents should also maintain authority and let their children know that they need to respect their parents. Experts said: "Authority is a kind of power, parents have power and children have power." However, the "authority" of parents is not to be high, but to let children know "I can guide you how to live your life."
Recognize the motivations behind your child's behavior
Rebellion is only a symptom of a child's behavior, and the reasons behind it should be found. For example: is it that I usually do not lead by example, I do not set a good example, but I ask my children to do this and that; or I usually manage too strictly, so that my children are dissatisfied with me... Think more about the motivation behind your child's behavior in order to correctly guide your child to the right path.
After clarifying your attitude and the motivation behind your child's behavior, you should take the following countermeasures:
Hold your horses. The child is rebellious, the adult will be dissatisfied, therefore, will fight for his own power, with the voice to overwhelm him. Impatient parents should remind themselves to stay calm and wait for their children to calm down before communicating. Children are rebellious, their words and actions will be like a storm, and they do not know how to control themselves. But when adults are mature, they should know when to stay calm.
Seek advice. Discipline children, sometimes you should seek the opinions of others, such as asking friends around children of the same age, how to deal with similar problems, or listening to lectures and seeking the assistance of a counselor to broaden your mind. The best thing to do is to seek help from a psychologist.
Open yourself up and get to know your child. Parents who see their child's interest affecting homework are usually prohibited immediately. In fact, it is best to try to understand the situation. For example, accompany your child to a video game center, discuss their idol with your child, and remind them of what should be learned and what should not be learned. Enter the child's inner world to get along more harmoniously. Get along well with your parents, and of course your child won't need to rebel.
Change the way education is done. Many times, the discipline of children is often necessary to change the way. For example, when you are a child, only your parents speak and your children listen; after middle school, you should try two-way communication and listen to your children's suggestions. Once you find that a certain method does not work, change the way at any time and continue to experiment until you find an effective method.
Let it go appropriately. Don't be so strict with your children, don't ask them to report everything to you, don't give him the college entrance examination, what school these things are too much pressure, calm your mind, in order to communicate effectively. Children are individuals with independent personalities, not your private property. Let it go properly, so that it will not backfire.
A rebellious child can only resolve the contradiction by entering his heart. More action, more care, don't let the child go further and further with you.