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Alive: "Nothing is more convincing than time, because time can change everything without informing us." ”
Objective things naturally change over time. And subjective things, the key to change lies in "people".
When a person insists on working hard and insisting on doing the right thing, time can witness the joy of harvest; on the contrary, if a person is good and bad, insisting on doing the wrong thing, time will only witness how the tragedy is staged.
Whether it is to be a person or to do things, the importance of "time" should not be overlooked. We must not only pay attention to the preciousness of time, but also know how to think in the long run and think about problems from a long-term perspective.
The reason why some people make mistakes again and again, and eventually make a big mistake before regretting it, is the disaster of "short-sightedness". They think there's nothing wrong with what they're doing, it's actually a serious problem.
The following reader's complaint about his ex-wife is about the problem of his ex-wife's "short-sightedness", let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
My ex-wife, who "helped my brother demon", hollowed out the "family bottom" to help my brother, but now she regrets it, because she did not get the return she deserved, which is equivalent to raising a white-eyed wolf, and finally being bitten back.
I have a little sympathy for her, but also feel that she deserves it, and there is a feeling of "mourning her misfortune and angering her indisputable".
When we first got married, she always secretly gave her brother money. Later, when she finished giving her money, she began to ask me for money. I didn't know what was going on at first, thinking that it was right for relatives to help each other, so I didn't refuse her request.
What I didn't expect was that since I opened this opening, I couldn't get out of control. Her brother asked for money more and more frequently, and her appetite grew, and she, never refused, did not take my money as money, and thought that I was obliged to help her brother with her.
To tell the truth, if their sisters and brothers are dependent on each other, my parents-in-law are gone, and her brother is sensible but really difficult, I don't need her to remind me, I will do my best to help him.
The key is not so, there is only one truth: she is a complete "brother demon", her brother is a young man who is good and bad at work, and the two sisters and brothers are willing to fight one after another.
It wasn't my business, but since I was married to her and she was going to use my money as a "brother-in-law demon," I certainly couldn't sit idly by.
I kindly reminded her not to spoil her brother: "It is better to teach someone to fish than to teach someone to fish, and we can't feed him for a lifetime, right?" You can't just blindly give him money, you should teach him well, let him learn to be self-reliant, this is the long-term solution. ”
Unexpectedly, she actually turned her face to me, saying that I had no conscience, saying that I did not love her: "If you really love me, you can definitely love Wu and Wu, instead of not seeing me be good to my brother." ”
This woman really doesn't make any sense! How could I not see that she was good to her brother? I'm just proposing a better plan. Besides, she took my money as a favor, so why can't I say a few words about her?
I don't think my advice was wrong, and she thought she was wrong, and it was later that we divorced.
She soon remarried because she needed a new cash cow and a new object of exploitation for her to continue to be a "brother-in-law demon".
After remarrying, she almost hollowed out the "family foundation" to help her brother. But the result? Bitten back by her brother, he refused to lend a hand when she needed money the most. When she remembered her old love, her brother said to her, "Do I beg you to take care of me?" You voluntarily gave me money, and it has nothing to do with me! ”
In the end, she not only divorced again, but also owed a bunch of debts to her in-laws. After that, her life can only revolve around paying off debts, sadly!
If you ask me what it's like to marry a "brother-in-law" wife, I think it can be summed up in an image metaphor: "A mouse spoils a pot of soup." "The obsession of a woman combined with the greed of her brother will sooner or later ruin the marriage."
This kind of thing is different from what my ex-wife said about "loving the house and the wu", because the man does not love the lifeless house, the brother-in-law is not a crow with a small appetite on the roof, and the man cannot enjoy the marriage of the existence of the "brother-in-law demon", so it is impossible to have a good feeling, do you say?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The problem of "helping the brother and the devil" mentioned by the man can be summed up in one sentence: love and affection are intertwined.
If it is a benign interweaving, everyone helps each other and completes each other, which will be a win-win situation or even a win-win situation. And if it is a vicious interweaving, it will ruin the marriage, and incidentally ruin the person who can't recognize the problem.
The man was right, it is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish. For those who are sisters, it is better to teach his brother a skill than to give his brother a golden ten thousand.
This is what we mentioned earlier in the "long-term view of the problem", as long as the younger brother is not the situation that must be taken care of by the sister in the special situation, he should not blindly get used to him, otherwise he will not only spoil him, but also ruin his marriage and even his life.
This kind of problem arises in marriage, and it is really impossible to blame men for being cruel. The sister normally pampers the younger brother, and the brother-in-law has an opinion, that is the brother-in-law does not understand things; but if the sister is unusually spoiled for the younger brother, the brother-in-law has an opinion.
I hope that others can learn a lesson, do not be short-sighted people, do not do things in a short-sighted way, and know how to look at things in the long run. Affection and love, if it is good to be together, of course, should be together; but if they are mutually exclusive, they need to think in the long run and must not be bent on going their own way.