In the family, people who specialize in calculating "their own people" and deliberately pleasing outsiders have these kinds of mentalities

01

In the psychology of human nature, there is such a "principle of proximity".

Human beings like to compare people and things that are close to them, and then formulate their own attitudes and strategies for dealing with others and things. However, the more similar the relationship, the more contradictions will arise.

Compared with outsiders, the frequency of people's conflicts with their relatives is the highest.

In this regard, many people are particularly confused, relatives and we have inseparable blood relations, and outsiders have nothing to do with us, why do we have conflicts with our relatives, and maintain friendly contact with outsiders?

The closer people get, the more they will have the psychology of mutual harm. You hurt me, I hurt you, and the moment you and I hurt each other, the problem arises.

The reason why it is said that "every family has a difficult scripture to read" is because the contradictions of each family are different.

In some families, the contradiction between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is prominent, the mother-in-law complains that the daughter-in-law is not good, and the daughter-in-law also resents the mother-in-law's arbitrariness and unreasonableness. In the end, they will hurt each other, you hate me, I hate you, become enemies.

In some families, the parent-child contradiction is prominent, the child complains about the parents' badness, and the parents also feel that the child is not filial piety. At this time, they all feel that outsiders are good, and the relationship is particularly stiff.

In real life, those who hate their families and feel that outsiders are good often have these kinds of mentalities.

02

Mindset one: The best you haven't touched.

Who do you think tastes the best, white bread and steak?

Theoretically, we would definitely think that steak tastes the best. However, from a practical point of view, everything is not absolute, but relative.

If you eat steak every day, you will feel that the steak is not delicious, but you think that white bread is the best. The same food, eat too much, there will always be a tired day.

At the moment when you feel tired, I believe that when you think of white bread, you will drool.

In the same way, because you have too many contacts with your family, you feel that it is not interesting, there is no freshness, and you have not had contact with outsiders, so you feel that your family is not good, and outsiders are better.

This is the principle of "far away from fragrant and near smelly" that we often say.

People always think that the food that cannot be eaten at a distance is fragrant, and they always feel that the food they can eat is not good. In this way, doesn't the contradiction arise?

03

Mentality two: can't see the "own people" good mentality.

Human beings have such an inferior root -- they are not good.

You don't like him to be good, and he doesn't want you to be good. In the end, you and he don't see each other well. The result is nothing more than a lose-lose situation, and the kinship is getting weaker and weaker.

Why is there always a "bad people" mentality between relatives?

No one takes the initiative to compare with outsiders, because outsiders have nothing to do with them. People will only compare themselves to their own people, because their relationship with them is the most intimate.

In the case of relatives, why are relatives particularly cruel to their own people and particularly kind to outsiders?

It can be summed up in one sentence that all knives have blades that are inward and not easily outward.

We often say "turn your arm outward", which is the truth.

For this "unkind" mentality, what should we do to overcome it? To be honest, this mentality will never be overcome one day. Because this is the weakness of human nature.

04

Mindset three: the mentality of being horizontal inside the nest and instigating outside.

In reality, these two pictures often appear.

When the husband came home, he saw that his wife was not working, so he lay on the sofa and played with his mobile phone. For the wife's behavior, the husband's temper suddenly came up, so the husband and wife fell into a fight.

The wife has to take the children and also have to do housework, but the husband holds the mobile phone all day to play games, does not do anything, and does not know how to understand the wife. The result is nothing more than a grudge against the wife and a often cold war between the husband and wife.

Whether it is a husband or a wife, they all think that it is still the lover of other people's families that is good, and their own lover is not good. It is this kind of psychology that hurts them.

In essence, people's behavior of spilling all the temper they receive on their partners is the embodiment of "nesting and instigating outside".

The reason for the outside recognition is that we do not know each other's details and are afraid of causing some trouble. The fight in the family is because we know the details of our family and think that our family will forgive us. So, we will be unscrupulous.

05

Mindset four: the psychology of not being cooked and not eating.

In the rivers and lakes, there is often a saying that the people around you are the most terrible people.

Just like the matter of deceiving people, the number of times outsiders deceive us is not much after all. And the number of times our relatives have deceived us is innumerable. It can be said that sometimes we are deceived and help others count money.

I have seen such relatives, doing business and selling, never cutting their own people's leeks, and dare not easily cut the leeks of outsiders. To put it mildly, they will only make their own money.

Having the ability, they should earn the money of outsiders, why do they only make their own money?

People, the more they have no ability, the more they will start from the people around them. This is what we often say, that one's own people only harm one's own people, not anyone with a foreign name.

Their own people, who should have been a group of mutual unity, have now become enemies who hurt each other, which is ultimately a great misfortune under the kinship.

Wen/Shushan has deer