Do you think that a bride price should be received when getting married? What exactly does the bride price do?
Uncle Moe na once said: "Some mothers must receive dowry money before they get married." Not because of greed for money and stubbornness, but because she wants her in-laws to value your arrival. Most people will cherish what they have given, and they will squander what they have gained empty-handed. It's not a routine, it's human nature. ”
The reason why some parents want to receive the bride price is indeed because of this, afraid that they will not marry their daughters at all, not only will they not be able to make their daughters happy, but they will be labeled as cheap. Human nature is like this, always hope to get value for money, how much they have paid, I hope that at least I can earn it back, not lose money. If you pick it up in vain, you may not care, treat it casually, anyway, a dime is not out, and it is not a pity to lose it.
Some parents are different, the reason why they want to receive the bride price is for money, not for themselves, but for their sons, such as those parents who prefer sons to daughters, from the beginning, they have used their daughter's marriage as a weight to serve their sons in marriage.
Being born into a patriarchal family is a great misfortune for girls. The idea of son preference is like a cancer that will haunt girls for the rest of their lives. If you don't resist, you will become a stepping stone to the fate of the original family, when you are needed, you are their daughter, you must respond to their needs, when you need them, you are the daughter who is married out of the water, they are eager to stay away from you. Resist, they will do everything they can to morally kidnap you, blame you, and mess around until you give up resistance.
In view of the idea of son preference, girls need to pay attention to two points, first, if you are a parent who prefers sons to daughters, you must be independent, have the courage to resist, do not make a wedding dress for the original family, and suffer yourself for a lifetime. Second, when choosing a mate, you must be careful, it is best not to choose a patriarchal family, otherwise, once you have a daughter, you and your daughter will not end up too well.
Psychotherapist Satya said: A person's personality characteristics, three views of life, spiritual character, way of thinking, and living habits are deeply influenced by his original family, and many of them are even decisively affected.
At the beginning of human nature, what kind of thought a person will have is directly influenced by his parents, that is to say, if the parents of boys have the idea of preferring sons to daughters, boys grow up in such an environment and enjoy the preferential treatment of the family, and may also look down on women, and there are also such thoughts.
Even if he doesn't, having such a mother-in-law on the stall is enough for you to bear.
One of Xiaoqi's college roommates was called Liu Pandi, and when she first heard her name, another roommate asked, "Do you really have a younger brother?" Did your parents prefer sons to daughters? ”
Indeed, Liu Pandi did have a younger brother who was four years younger than her, and her parents did carve the idea of son preference into the bone marrow.
01.
27 years ago, Liu Pandi was born in a family with poor financial conditions. In this family, whether it is Liu Pandi's grandparents or her parents, they are looking forward to being able to get a man in one fell swoop, not only can someone pass on the inheritance, but also can not have to give birth to one more, bear huge financial pressure, but they are disappointed, an unwelcome baby girl fell to the ground.
Although the economic situation is sluggish and the whole family has already lived a life of frugality, Liu Pandi's parents still wanted a son when she was four years old.
"Ever since I had my brother, I've been my brother's nanny and have to take her with me all the time. Other children are out of school, they can go out to play, they can eat delicious food, but I have to rush home at the first time, take my brother, clean up, cook for my parents who work in the fields, and finish my homework. If I don't finish it, I'll either be insulted or fried with bamboo shoots. ”
Knowing that she is a girl, she needs to love beauty more, and she needs to change clothes, and her parents only buy clothes for her brother, let Liu Pandi pick up the clothes of her cousins, and even wear the clothes of boys. If the parents are rich, they only buy things for their brother to eat, and they don't even have the idea of prevaricating Liu Pandi for a similar reason as "girls will be fat when they eat snacks".
Not only that, but the parents often did not hide their patriarchal thoughts in front of their brothers, and even said things like "when you grow up, you will sell your sister to other men and exchange money for you to marry a wife", which makes Liu Pandi remember it vividly.
"So my brother never looked at my sister in the eye, and in his eyes, I was a free nanny and cash machine that he could drink and drink."
02.
"Do you know what it's like to be hungry for two days and two nights?" Do you know how much effort I put into going to college? ”
Liu Pandi's opportunity to go to college was bought through a hunger strike. Even if she was admitted to a university, the best in the family, her parents still wanted to deprive her of the opportunity to go to college and force her to go out with her cousin to work.
Liu Pandi fought desperately, his neighbors and some relatives could not see it anymore, and there was a lot of discussion, and finally, at the suggestion of an aunt, his parents gave Liu Pandi a student loan, let her solve the problem of going to school by herself, and then agreed to Let Liu Pandi go to college.
"When I went to college, I only had 1,000 yuan in my pocket, which was given by my cousin, who was my role model, and like me, I met my parents who preferred sons to daughters, became very hot, dared to smash things at home, and dared to refuse to give money to my parents." She told me that I had to finish my studies, find a job, and make money before I could take control of my life. ”
With the help of his cousin, Liu Pandi found a part-time job, did not return to his hometown during the winter and summer vacations, worked in the factory, plus scholarships, etc., and finally completed his studies.
After graduating, Liu Pandi rejected her parents' suggestion to return to her hometown to find a job, and she knew very well that her parents wanted to control her. Liu Pandi stayed in the provincial city to work, and his salary rose from 5,000 to 10,000.
"Five years after graduation, my parents came to the city more than a dozen times, went to my company three times, caused me to lose my job twice, fortunately, the current boss looks at my parents' behavior unfavorably and supports me." They also went to my neighborhood several times, so they could no longer know where I lived. ”
Over the years, his parents only got 100,000 yuan from Liu Pandi's hands, and naturally felt dissatisfied, so they started the idea of Liu Pandi's bride price.
03.
Some time ago, Liu Pandi and her boyfriend planned to get married and went home to see their parents.
Parents see the future son-in-law, one does not ask each other about the economic situation, two do not ask each other's future planning, three do not ask whether the other party's original family is suitable for the daughter, only said one thing, that is, to 280,000 dowry, a dime can not be less, otherwise, Liu Pandi do not want to get married.
Liu Pandi naturally knows what her parents thought, and does not want to become a cash cow for her parents and brother, plus her hukou has moved out, so she resolutely got a license with her boyfriend, and then gave it to her parents with 80,000 yuan.
Seeing that the dowry money was only 80,000, Liu Pandi had already received the certificate, his parents felt angry and corrupt, and his brother was even more angry: "The 280,000 dowry is for me, why don't you want it?" ”
After saying that, the younger brother also gave Liu Pandi a slap and muttered that he was going to Liu Pandi's man's house to make trouble.
"My husband saw that I had been beaten, unceremoniously returned three slaps to my brother, wrestled with my parents, and then pulled me away. My brother slapped me, I didn't have my mother's house, and from then on, I will never come back. ”
Some people think that Liu Pandi is not filial piety, for a man who has failed to live up to the parenting grace of his parents, he suggested that Liu Pandi's parents sue her, and some people think that Liu Pandi's parents favor sons over daughters, which not only makes the daughter cold, but also spoils the son
END.
Xiao Qiqi asked you to comment: Do you think there is a problem with Liu Pandi's approach? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.