Dr. Tao Yong: Stop educating children about frustration
With the popularity of the heartwarming offer3, a name - Tao Yong also appeared in the public eye.
Dr. Tao Yong is amazing, his experience when he was young can be said to be the same as other people's children. He was admitted to Peking University in 1997, majoring in medicine, and then became a magical medical genius in everyone's eyes. However, the fate of this genius is very bumpy, when he once treated the patient's eye, the patient took out the knife out of emotion and stabbed directly at Dr. Tao Yong, and Dr. Tao Yong took the knife with his hand, although he saved his life, he could no longer hold the scalpel, and he never had the opportunity to operate on the operating table. But Dr. Tao Yong did not immerse himself, but began to publish books, telling his own experiences in words, bringing strength to others, and some people said that every sentence in his book can be used as someone else's life motto.
Just a while ago, Dr. Tao Yong was on the hot search again, because he told a story: his second sister suffered from inflammation since childhood, and her left leg was limping when walking, but it was such an unhealthy second sister who became the "sugar pill" of his childhood and the biggest encourager on his life path.
Immediately, he came up with a word: frustration education. He used his own experience to persuade parents not to engage in that kind of frustration education.
What is frustration education?
Let's take an analogy. When I was in high school, when high school was some distance from home, my father would basically only come to see me on weekends, but I didn't like them to come to see me at all, for no other reason than because they would always educate me about some frustration. When I talk to them about the difficulty of the recent exam papers, he will tell me, "That other people's children are studying like you, it's so difficult, then it's so difficult to go to school, don't you go up"? When I told him about the relationship with the people around him, it was a little strange, because although he was almost an adult, he still couldn't handle interpersonal relationships because of his personality, but my father always said, "Then how can others not be bullied, just you are bullied"? Or "I'm sending you to learn, not to make friends with others," his words will always disparage me to nothing, making me feel like I have a big problem.
In my memory, I didn't feel that my father had encouraged me, even if it was on some major exams, even if I really couldn't stand the pressure and wanted to talk to him, he would tell you, then you have worked so hard not to take the exam? Isn't that what everyone else is? He never encouraged me.
As this netizen said: Parents of the older generation really like to engage in frustration education, but there are only setbacks, no education.
It is very strange that now this society has been full of setbacks, every child actually does a lot of things is not smooth sailing, parents should play a very important role in it, that is, when the child is hit, give the child enough encouragement, but now when the child is hit by the society round after round of blows to make no resistance, the "fatal blow" comes from the parents closest to the child.
"Children are taught by setbacks, all from the people closest to them."
I saw a street experiment before: in a café, there was a mother and daughter, and the mother was helping the little girl with her homework, but throughout the process, her mother kept saying "How can you be so stupid" and "Why can't you do this well"? Immediately, the little girl was left alone and left in place.
The girl didn't know what she was doing wrong, she just wouldn't do it.
This scene was seen by two passers-by in the seat next to him. One of the ladies, seeing the little girl standing there alone, stopped the little girl and said to her, "You are really great, you don't listen to your mother, you just can't do this problem, just learn her", and the man sitting across from the lady burst into tears.
Every parent may not know how much of an impact that will have on their children when they are educating about setbacks, and how long it will last. In fact, when the man shed tears, it was very sad, because even if he had spent more years, even if he encountered more things, the harm that might be buried in his heart was a sentence or two that his parents said in education when they were young.
Moreover, there has been a topic recently: Why don't you want to talk to your family?
The comment of netizens is: It is useless to say it.
Parents are one of the closest people to the child, but the child feels that there is nothing to say.
Now parents may really not know, children sometimes just want to talk simply, just want to relieve the pressure, but in the conversation with the parents, the pressure will only get bigger and bigger, just like I am talking to my parents, I still can't understand very well, why a simple topic talking, and finally it becomes a problem for me, at the beginning of the discussion is only a problem in learning, then it becomes a problem in personality, and finally now it becomes a problem in my life.
So why do more and more TV series resonate now? That's because there are more and more episodes in TV dramas now that are similar to what happens around you.
For example, this mother and daughter, this girl has listened to her mother since she was a child, her mother will not let her do anything, she will not let her do anything, she has no friends since she was a child. But now that she is older and working, she finally meets a boy who likes her, but her mother says: I really can't think of what he can look at you, you look at you like this, why does he like you?
In fact, this mother just wanted to control her child, and said such sharp words
So what exactly is frustration education? Setback education in my eyes, more like a way for parents to vent, when they can't control their children, they will educate you about setbacks, when they feel that you are disobedient, they will educate you in frustration, when they find the problems you have raised, they do not know how to solve them, they will put all the responsibility on the children.
This is now called frustration education, in other words, probably like family affection PUA.
While everyone is avoiding this topic, it is indeed a sadness that this topic is happening all the time around us.
Dr. Tao Yong said, stop educating children about setbacks, you can never imagine how bright the light on a normally educated child is.
Yes, maybe not expecting encouragement, but wishing to treat each other as equals.