Parents must not ignore the anti-frustration education of their children

After the test paper was handed down, the child trotted home excitedly, wanting to share the joy with the parents.

The exam was very good and exceeded the child's expectations.

Ben expected parents to give a word of appreciation, a hug, a smile, but did not expect that parents only glanced at the test paper, and said coldly: "What is there to be proud of?" It's not the first in the grade! ”

The child's whole person is like being poured down by a basin of cold water, his heart is cold, and there is still a half smile on his face.

After a few days, the child took the test again, and this time he did not do well.

The child carefully handed the test paper to the parents, hoping to get a comfort from the parents, who knew that the parents frowned and snorted coldly: "What? I wasn't wrong last time, right? Don't be proud of yourself, the original form is revealed, right? Don't go to the correction yet! ”

Such things happen from time to time in many families.

If you ask parents, why are you so strict with your children? Parents often have a good word: "Is it bad to be strict?" I'm going to let my child be frustrated and educated! ”

Having said that, I can't help but ask: Parents and friends, are you sure that you are doing this to educate your children about setbacks?

I don't know if parents and friends have found that as long as such a thing is done two or three times, the child will hold it in his heart and will never talk to you again.

Therefore, I would like to discuss three questions with parents and friends: What is the real frustration education? Why frustration education? How to conduct frustration education?

1

Frustration education = frustration + education

But the core is not setbacks, but education

01 What is a setback?

Frustration refers to the negative emotional reactions that occur when doing things, resulting in personal motivations that cannot be realized or satisfied.

In short, frustration is a sense of failure.

There is a wish, but it cannot be fulfilled because there are obstacles.

It is normal to encounter obstacles, there are too many such moments in life, and the key is how to treat them.

02 What is education?

The essence of education is to awaken, to awaken children's pursuit of all beautiful things.

For example, good grades, good character, sincere emotions, good habits and so on.

If in the actual education process, as in the scene written earlier, whether the child does well or poorly, he gets painful experiences and feelings, then the parents are not educating the child, but hitting and abusing.

03 What is Frustration Education?

The ultimate goal of frustration education is to let children know how to face and properly solve obstacles and difficulties, and gradually form the qualities of self-confidence, optimism and perseverance in the experience of setbacks.

The first is to feel the frustration and accept the existence of the setback; then actively cope with and resolve; and finally form a strong psychological quality.

In the future, when encountering setbacks, we will no longer tremble and tremble and will no longer be helpless.

04 What does frustration education include?

Frustration education can not only be understood by some parents to make children suffer, but also covers survival education, safety education and the cultivation of psychological qualities including independence, confidence, emotions and will.

However, in reality, parents often only pay attention to making children suffer, and ignore the more important survival education and psychological quality training.

In my opinion, the most unavoidable thing in frustration education is life education, so that children understand that "there is no big thing except death", and living is more important than anything!

You know, all the chasms in this world can be crossed, but it takes a long time.

Only life and death cannot pass, once you go to the extreme and give up life, everything is meaningless.

2

Why frustration education?

01 What are the dangers of not conducting setback education?

Children's anti-quotient is becoming lower and lower, the so-called anti-quotient, that is, the ability to resist blows and self-encouragement in the face of difficulties, setbacks, and failures.

In recent years, children's counter-quotient values have declined, and many painful lessons have emerged.

Some children will suddenly have emotional collapse, such as the college entrance examination is not good, immediately lose the courage to continue to take the test, the whole person is paralyzed on the ground, looking for death and life.

Some children will be inexplicably depressed, not only tired of school, but also anorexic and even world-weary, all day long in their own small world and dare not come out.

Some children cannot withstand the changes in the real world, and there are mental disorders, such as the death of relatives and the marriage of their parents, and they will fall into fear and despair for a long time.

The appearance of various diseases on the body is still mild, and even extreme behaviors are directly adopted, and the phenomenon of suicide among adolescents is increasing.

These lessons are enough to arouse our sufficient attention: whether it is school education or family education, we should make up for the lesson of frustration education in a timely manner.

Children suffer from "learned helplessness."

Martin E.P. Seligman, the father of positive psychology, proposed a concept of "learned helplessness," which refers to the fact that after experiencing long-term failure and loss of control and not being helped, people will eventually choose to give up the struggle and are not even willing to try.

Examples include abducted children and women who have been subjected to long-term domestic violence.

Similarly, when a child is always unable to achieve a certain goal of his own, does not know how to enlighten himself, and does not get help from others, especially parents, the child will have doubts about himself.

Parents originally wanted their children to be strong, resolute, and brave, but the result was the opposite of what they wanted, not to carry out setback education, or to carry out wrong setback education, such as only creating setbacks without providing support, and the final result is that children learn pessimism, inferiority, helplessness, discouragement, escape, abandonment, and endless procrastination, because instead of getting good results, it is better to let bad results come later.

02 What are the benefits of frustration education?

Increase your child's ability to resist setbacks.

Martin E.P. Seligman also proposed another concept: Learned Optimism, that is, in the face of setbacks and difficulties, people need to focus, be positive, have a sense of control, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

These can all be called frustration resistance.

The image is that the ability to resist pressure can be like a spring, rebounding after encountering setbacks and failures.

But we also know that the stretch of the spring has a degree, beyond which the spring will completely lose its elasticity.

Incorrect frustration education can damage a child's ability to withstand stress.

Factors that affect a child's ability to resist setbacks include genetic genes, age, sex, accidental trauma, etc., which are uncontrollable factors; and those that can actively intervene through acquired cultivation and learning are called controllable factors.

Pamper your child without being shocked.

Encounter difficulties and obstacles, complaining and running away are useless, to learn to accept calmly, and then find a way to solve the problem, although not necessarily successful, but at least worth a try.

As mentioned earlier, setbacks are actually the sense of failure caused by not being able to get what they want, and they are repeatedly chaotic if they are not forgotten, so it is better to establish a sense of "losing calmly" and calmly face the results that cannot be obtained, "not to be happy with things, not to be sad with yourself."

In this way, we can forget both things and not be insulted.

Of course, for adults, this can not be easily done, for children, may be too demanding.

However, it does not matter, parents can infiltrate from small things, so that children learn to be open-minded and tolerant.

03 What are the misunderstandings of frustration education?

Equate blows with setbacks.

Treat the anti-business education of children as an insult to the education of children, frustration education and scolding education.

As mentioned earlier, this often happens to some parents.

The original intention was education, and the result was all negative emotions and uncomfortable emotions, deviating from the track of education.

Deliberately create a blow.

Because of the deviation in understanding, some parents are "no setbacks, and they must also go up to create setbacks", deliberately embarrassing their children.

Just like a child learning to walk, originally walking very steadily, gradually a little trotting, parents remind children to pay attention to the right, but you have to stretch out your feet to trip the child a fight should not be.

As netizens said: Life is already cruel to most people, enough to be disabled, there is no need to make them worse in the name of frustration education.

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