"Frustration education" does not only ruin a child's childhood, have you ever said these words to your child?

"The students of xxx school, because the pressure was too great, jumped off the building..."

I think this is the last thing I want to hear after becoming a parent.

I remember a 9-year-old girl in Xi'an City who jumped off a building and died, leaving only her last words written in her homework book, "Why can't I do anything?"

After the investigation, she learned that it was the day of the incident, the girl did not have time to write an essay arranged by the teacher, she felt that she was a failure, blamed herself and despaired, and chose to jump off the building to bid farewell to the world.

Moreover, she apologized to her mother in childish handwriting: "Mom, I'm sorry, this is my decision." ”

Every time I hear similar social news that teenagers choose to live lightly because of too much psychological pressure or other psychological pressures, it will make countless parents nervous, and they can't help but ask themselves:

01

When to start

My child is not as happy as before?

A mischievous ghost who originally loved to laugh and make trouble suddenly became not fond of talking and unwilling to share?

The little girl who loves to perform is more stinky and loves to perform, and suddenly becomes less fond of looking in the mirror?

Curiosity has always been very strong, and suddenly they began to feel that everything was boring?

Not only that, but you also found that as you get older, the light in the eyes of children seems to gradually disappear, their troubles are getting more and more, their minds are getting heavier and heavier, and the atmosphere of the whole family is slowly beginning to change.

Many parents are probably like this, because they don't understand, so they "copy" the family education of other people:

Do not understand why the child is so stupid, obviously very simple problem is not to do, teach many times will not, so began to lose temper and scold the child;

Do not understand why children like to play or irresponsible, either want to play games or want to sleep, the last interest class is difficult to insist, so they began to "denigrate" and criticize children;

Do not understand why the child has a strange and withdrawn personality, either running into trouble outside, or closing the door at home, he can only use all his strength to "control" and "motivate" the child;

.......

Looking around us, it is not difficult to find at all:

Many parents, especially in China, tend to "criticize education" and "frustration education."

Since ancient times, the influence of traditional culture has always made parents feel that there are talents under the sticks.

But many people do not realize that their so-called "frustration education" is more like "blowing education".

"You're not smart, you're not good-looking, how come you don't look like me at all..."

"If you look at other people's children, they are better than you..."

"You're upsetting me so much, I don't want you anymore..."

All kinds of seemingly ordinary words, long-term reciprocation, will make children feel deeply "humiliated", will feel that they are not worthy, and thus lose interest and enthusiasm for many things.

Fairbairn said that when children are treated badly by their parents, they tend to think that they are bad in order to maintain the image that their parents are good.

Therefore, the reason is that the parents' blows and criticisms make the children more silent and depressed.

And children's feelings with their parents are becoming more and more isolated and alienated, not because of maturity, but more out of "disappointment" with their parents.

It can be said that no matter what kind of psychological problems and emotional problems children will have, to a large extent, it is because there are problems with the parents' education methods and methods.

If this vicious circle continues, it will only cultivate countless "Kochi" robots that do not have their own personality characteristics and unique ideas. Not only will it ruin a child's childhood, it will ruin their whole life.

02

The child of today

What kind of education is more suitable?

In the book "The Character of children: Positive Psychology for Parents", it is mentioned that:

"All along, people have paid more attention to the impact of IQ and emotional intelligence on children's growth, and largely neglected the protection and cultivation of personality traits and positive nature.

Active education can make children feel happiness, get close to society, give full play to their own advantages, and stimulate the motivation for lifelong learning. In the face of pressure and setbacks, children can have a strong ability to withstand and recover, and confidently face various challenges.

What is positive education

To sum it up in one sentence, it is positive human nature education.

For parents, learning positive psychology and actively educating their children has positive significance and value, whether it is for their own perfection or for their children's growth.

The children cultivated in this way are not robots who know a lot of knowledge, but people who live wonderfully with their own talents and rich life experiences.

Professor Peng Kaiping, dean of the School of Social Sciences and head of the Department of Psychology of Tsinghua University, once proposed: In the era of artificial intelligence, what kind of abilities should children master so that they will not be replaced by robots?

After a large number of studies and experiments, it is found that there are at least 8 abilities that children can explore and not be replaced by anyone else.

1) Empathy. Humans have empathy and are able to know the feelings, feelings, and feelings of others. Active education especially advocates the cultivation of children's empathy, understanding of others, caring for others, and achieving others.

2) Moral heart. The moral mind of human beings refers to what they do not want and do to others. Babies can distinguish between good and evil at six months, and at the age of one year they have the impulse to punish evil and promote good, indicating that the moral heart has an innate nature.

3) Aesthetic ability. We will feel beautiful when we see the tide rising and falling, the flowers blossoming and falling, and the clouds cirrusing the clouds, but robots can't do it. Therefore, cultivating children's aesthetic ability is an important part of active education.

4) Communication skills. Humans have the ability to tell stories, we communicate, we communicate, we express, we convey information, resources, and feelings. We love to communicate and we also like people who can communicate.

5) Sense of meaning. Humans need to have a sense of meaning and need to know why they do these things. Many times, doing something has a meaning other than the superficial meaning. When we go to eat, we don't simply satisfy our appetites, we need to be happy, we need to have interpersonal relationships, so the happiness of eating for us is not what we eat, it lies in who we eat with, where we eat, this is the sense of meaning.

6) The ability to be happy. Humans know that what they do can create some particularly pleasant feelings, feelings and feelings; the sun shines on the face, the drizzle on the palm of the hand, and walking barefoot on the beach will make you happy.

7) Summoning power. Human beings also have the power of summoning, being able to summon many people to do something, so that others respect, admire, love, and follow, the charm of this personality is summoning and appealing.

8) Imagination. Humans are able to imagine things that are not on Earth and things that have not been done before. Positive psychology research has found that young people, healthy people, and happy people actually prefer to imagine the future; while the elderly, the sick, and depressed people tend to indulge in the past.

None of these 8 abilities is cultivated through "frustration education" and "suppression education".

03

What should I use to raise my child?

It is with love, positive love, that parents have positive qualities such as compassion, perseverance, love, courage, resilience, and exploration when facing life together with their children.

This is what we call active education, and its purpose is to give children a comprehensive psychological development.

After all, what is needed in the future is not a person who can take the exam, nor a professional who is comparable to a robot, but a new talent with spirituality, understanding, sensibility and devotion.

In his positive psychology for parents, Professor Peng Kaiping talked about how parents teach by example, consciously guiding, protecting and strengthening their children's positive nature such as curiosity, concentration, and growth thinking. This is an effective guide to action to help parents and children grow together.

If you really love your child, it is better to give him the most "positive" education.

This kind of education, all parents can do through hard work to learn and practice.

Source: Spiritual Growth Home

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