Children's growth needs "love", but the essence of love, the art of love, and the expression of love are not only giving and satisfying, let alone accommodation.
In recent years, juvenile light birth incidents are not uncommon, and there is a trend of young age. Arguing with parents, being reprimanded by teachers, not getting good grades, making mistakes for fear of being scolded... Even the causes of such things as "Dad won't let me watch TV" and "The teacher confiscated the mobile phone" that cannot be called "events" have become the reasons for the withering of fresh lives.
When lamenting the lack of life education, we must also see the factors that cannot be ignored - our children urgently need to make up for the frustration education class.
01
Proper frustration education is a compulsory course in a child's life
The growth of children needs "love", but the essence of love, the art of love, and the expression of love are not only giving, not just satisfaction, but also not all kinds of accommodation, not to let children feel "happy" forever.
Life and death, encounter and parting, happiness and pain, have always appeared in pairs. Growing children must also undergo "paired" education, and must be allowed to experience a psychological pain, restraint, and patience.
If a child, on the road to growth, can only accept happiness and cannot bear a little pain, the problem is very serious.
I once saw a true story:
There are elementary school students from the first grade to the third grade are class leaders, when they were in the fourth grade, they failed to run for class president, and they could not accept it in their hearts, simply did not go to school, or even went on hunger strike, and then took a year off school to receive psychological treatment.
We desperately urge our children to run, teach them how to succeed, but never teach them how to face failure.
As a result, they lose their temper everywhere because they are not satisfied with a small matter; when they encounter a small setback, they are depressed; when they hear a negative evaluation or two, they feel that they have lost their sense of self-worth.
Properly educating children with some setbacks is a compulsory course in children's lives.
02
When will inverse quotient cultivation begin?
Many adults say: Today's children are not easy to manage, they commit suicide and jump off the building at every turn, which parents and teachers dare to manage it?
In fact, the problem is not that they dare not manage, but that they are late.
Let the child experience frustration, this kind of parenting begins at the child's 3 years old, when he can say his requirements, he must start to say "no", the result may be the experience of making him cry bitterly, more serious is to cry, crying and rolling around on the ground, but he has no other ability to resist, so he learned what is "powerless", acceptance, obedience, compliance.
He will slowly learn that the world is not doing whatever he wants, that his parents and relatives love him but are definitely not centered on him everywhere, and that some unreasonable requests will be rejected.
True growth is a process from willfulness to restraint.
Otherwise, if you wait until he is adolescence and you start to "say no" to him, he will have the option of threatening his parents in addition to crying, choking, and rolling: running away from home, taking poison, and jumping off the building.
Therefore, after the age of 3, parents must know the art of saying "no".
03
How to Improve Contrarian Quotient: Properly Let Children "Get Angry"
Give your child the opportunity to experience failure
Some parents will ask the question: What if the child can't afford to lose?
When the building blocks fell, they cried;
When the game was lost, he lost his temper: "I will never play again!" ”
When playing chess, adults can't win, and when they win, they get angry;
……
These are all because children do not establish a correct concept of winning and losing, or when adults play with children, they blindly accommodate and let children go.
We need to make it clear to our children that there are many possibilities for the game, some people will win, some people will lose, but these are only temporary, and there will be more challenges in the future.
Losing is not terrible, fear of losing is terrible.
Encourage and help children, not do it for them
In the eyes of many parents, the key to anti-business education lies in "deliberately" creating setbacks for children, deliberately making children suffer a little, and making them constantly feel failure.
There is no need for our children to accept some man-made meaningless frustration. Because there are already countless small challenges in the growth of children.
The first time to go out, the first time to cook, the first time to wash clothes, these are the opportunities for children to grow, it is important that parents are willing to let go of their children to try, let go and let children make their own choices.
Identify with and relieve children's emotions
When a child encounters setbacks, parents must first give emotional support, rather than fighting negation, such as: "Isn't it a few words of criticism?" And it won't be. ”
Parents should pay attention to what their children are experiencing, identify with the emotions that their children appear, such as sadness and helplessness, and empathize with their understanding of their children.
The sufficient love and understanding of parents is the inner strength of children in the face of setbacks.
Finally, with a few meters in "I am not a perfect child" a sentence to encourage everyone:
"The sadder the world, the happier I want to be." When the heart is more sinister, the kinder I am. When setbacks come, I have to stand up for them.
I want to be an optimistic person, not to shrink back, not to give in, not to complain, to be brave enough to accept all the challenges of life. ”
04
Criticize your child in the right way
The current educational environment is very different from 10 years ago, 20 years ago. In the past, each family had 3.4 children, and parents would not take special care of the emotions of a child, but now the situation is that a family of N people live around the child, the child's growth environment has changed, and the inevitable education method also needs to change.
While we emphasize the education of frustration for children, we must also pay attention to the use of correct methods to criticize children and avoid verbal violence that hurts children!
Here are 16 tips for teachers and parents!
1. Listen to the child's explanation First When the child makes a mistake, do not deprive the child of the right to speak, give him a chance to speak, and make his criticism more targeted.
2. Let the child learn to change his position When the child argues that it is someone else's fault and has nothing to do with himself, ask the child "If it is someone else, what should I say"
3. Parents should also self-criticize Before criticizing their children, they should first have some self-criticism, and pull into the psychological distance of children to cultivate the quality of children's courage to take responsibility.
4. Criticize children to pay attention to the occasion Parental criticism is best carried out alone, should not be in public, such as public places, in front of relatives, friends and friends.
5. When criticizing, don't turn over the old ledger to make a small mistake, but have to extend to other things. Such criticism will only make the child fight against you and not admit his mistakes.
6. Criticize the child on the facts, do not analyze the motive, deprive the child of the last fig leaf, and impose charges on him, which is tantamount to adding fuel to the fire.
7. When criticizing, do not beat the child with your hands, do not give the child enough time to reflect on the mistakes, but blindly scold, this kind of criticism that is eager to achieve results will often cause the opposite effect.
8. Criticism should be as short as possible in the most concise language and take the shortest time to complete. The feeling of being criticized is uncomfortable, and everyone wants it to end as soon as possible.
9. The voice intonation can not be higher than the usual voice to criticize the child, which will attract the child's attention and easily make the child listen to your words.
10. Learn to hint and silence Parents remain silent, children feel "uncomfortable", and then reflect on their mistakes. Parents can calmly inspire their children, and children can naturally quickly understand the parents' intentions.
11. Before wanting to criticize, you can learn from other people's parents to use similar behaviors from others to suggest that children should not make the same mistake, which can protect children's self-esteem.
12. Give the child a little psychological comfort The child is often disappointed after making mistakes and being criticized, and parents should give the child some comfort in time to make the child feel that you still love him.
13. Parents should "unite" when parents educate their children, if one sings "white face" and the other sings "red face", the child is not thinking about how to correct mistakes, but how to seek asylum.
14. Don't vent bad emotions to children When they are affected by bad emotions, parents' evaluation of their children is not objective and fair, "you are all day long..." "You have always been" and so on, which are likely to intensify the contradiction.
15. Increase physical contact and put your arm around the child's shoulder to speak, or hold his hand to reason with him, and face the child with your eyes, which can achieve the effect of enwei and use.
16. The combination of criticism and encouragement after criticism and a little encouragement can not only enable children to correct mistakes as soon as possible, but also guide children to develop in the direction they are good at.
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