Over-pressure causes children to collapse, empathy is a "compulsory lesson"

January 8, Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province. At her son's 11th birthday party, Ms. Zhang prepared a cake full of textbooks for him: the earth is not destroyed for a day, you have to write homework. Ms. Zhang said that the cake was originally Pikachu, but thinking that the child was about to take the final exam and play games every day, she temporarily changed it herself, reminding him to review well, and the child collapsed and cried after seeing it. (January 10, Western Decision-making Network)

Ms. Zhang in the news is a typical "Chinese-style parent", self-centered, always under the banner of "I am for your own good", but as everyone knows, this concept is like moral kidnapping, which will make the parent-child relationship estranged. The cake is inserted into the textbook, and the mother may feel that she is very humorous, and even thinks that it is for the good of the child. However, children are mentally immature, cannot understand the meaning and stem behind the joke, and will only have a sense of grievance of being bullied, which will adversely affect the child's mental health.

In addition, the words and deeds of parents also have a great impact on children, and parents are the best teachers for children. At first, Ms. Zhang agreed with her children to buy a Pikachu birthday cake, but because of her own ideas, she chose to break the contract and fill the cake with textbooks, so that the act of rebellion and untrustworthiness not only destroyed the trust with the child, but also did not achieve the role of honesty and trustworthiness. Educating children to read is not necessarily on the birthday day, not to mention that learning to be a person is more important than reading, and parents should lead by example and tell their children to be honest. Ancient Zengzi killed pigs, with their own actions to educate children to be faithful and honest, how can some parents now not understand that their behavior may become a bad learning object for their children?

Parents should not think that their status in the parent-child relationship is higher than that of their children, the parent-child relationship should be equal, and empathy is a "compulsory course" for parents. Birthdays, such a thing of great significance and happiness in the eyes of children, are poured with a basin of cold water like this, and no one will be able to accept it. The birthday cake "pressure" review, like an adult being "rewarded" by the boss on the birthday of the boss as a gift, but also known as "for your own good, is to make you earn more overtime pay", it is as devastating and irritating. Therefore, parents should not use their own thinking to kidnap their children, parents may wish to think in a different position, learn to look at the problem from the perspective of the child.

Freezing three feet is not a cold day, and learning is the same, it is not a matter that can be thousands of miles a day. Ms. Zhang is because she thinks that her child is about to take the final exam and still play games every day, so she made this decision, but it is not a wise move for the child to play games on weekdays when he is not good at supervising him, and it is not wise to think of "pressure" through this way at the end of the term. The effort of learning is in ordinary times, so as not to be busy during the exam, even if you study all night on your birthday, you can't become a bully. Therefore, if you want your child to learn well, have a good grade, and work hard every day of learning is the best recipe. Not to mention that learning also pays attention to the combination of work and leisure, it is time to celebrate a birthday, and the self-defeating pressure behavior will only make the child not even have the mood for the birthday, and the relaxation moment is also rare to really rest.

Adult jokes are not suitable for children, and parents' words and deeds will also affect children. As a parent, you should set a good example, but also learn to empathize, understand the child's inner thoughts, and make more efforts from the weekdays to urge the child to learn, even if you want to "pressure", you should not choose a birthday such a special day in the eyes of the child. This is likely to make children have a fear of "birthdays", and even resist learning, which is not worth the loss.

Text/Huiting Wang (Chongqing University)